Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Ashamed or hiding

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  • #879924 Reply
    CurlyQueCurlyQue
    Participant

    You say he lives at your home (for how long?) spends the night there, comes back every night because his work is close to your house? but then you say he’s basically living at his mom’s house? He used to give you money but now he doesn’t. He also doesn’t want to have meals at your house?

    There’s a lot of confusion in this situation. I do not think you should’ve moved a man into your home and let him meet your children until after a year and you were on the same page. Maybe he should go live back and live with his mother and you should re-evaluate the steps you take before letting someone move into your home with your kids.

    #879930 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Is this the relationship that you want? The way it is right now- him being shady, not knowing if you will ever meet anyone in his life? Someone who stays with you, probably sleeps with you and doesn’t even throw down his share of the bills?

    Probably not, right?

    So stop letting him come to your house. There are so many guys out there who will actually give a shit about you enough to even respond to your questions. Who will want to introduce you to their families, their friends.

    This guy is NOT that guy.

    #879931 Reply
    avatarDajana
    Guest

    Thanks for all your comments honestly ive been living with this constant doubts about the whole situations and reading your opinions is really making me feel like I wasnt crazy.. To want more. To feel more commitment on his part and when I would tell him it was just me making a big deal to him over irrelevant things hed say.

    Really appreciate it.

    #879933 Reply
    avatarAnchrige
    Guest

    You’re not at all crazy for wanting to be treated like an equal partner, or wanting to be respected. Don’t let him gaslight you into accepting anything less for yourself.

    Good luck x

    #879937 Reply
    CurlyQueCurlyQue
    Participant

    Your partner shouldn’t trivialize or dismiss your feelings. I’m sorry he’s been doing that. Definitely break up, you’ll feel such relief. Nobody needs a partner that makes them feel crazy.

    #879947 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    It’s difficult to understand what is actually going on here. You say he hasn’t introduced you to anyone, then you say you’ve met his co-workers and sister. You say he lives with you (spends every night there) but also lives with his mom? And his kid spends every night at his mom’s house?

    You went too fast. A man should not be spending every night at your home, in front of your children, until you are on very solid footing. Definitely not before one year. Hell, he shouldn’t have even met your kids until six months in, at least. You have to make sure things are really solid in the relationship before you involve the children, so that people aren’t going in and out of their lives. You should also have set down some financial boundaries instead of feeding him breakfast, lunch and dinner every day like your place is a hotel.

    Just sit him down and say, “I don’t feel comfortable with this routine. I can’t keep cooking for you all the time and letting you sleep here and become close to my kids when I don’t even know where you live. I feel taken advantage of, so it’s over.”

    Also, NO ONE who is trustworthy would even think of sending their GPS location info as reassurance. Honest people just don’t think that way. If y’all are tracking each other, then there’s nothing here to save.

    One more thing, if you’re in America (no matter which state), everyone should be staying at home. In fact, most countries are mandating that, so he sounds rather sketchy on many levels.

    #879978 Reply
    avatarDelilah
    Guest

    We never know the background of human deeds and very often are far off the mark. The best way to solve the issue is to ask direcly. There is no sense to continue any relationship if you always doubt. There could be plenty of reasons:
    1) he is ashamed of his accommodation/way of life of his parents( maybe they are ill or alcoholics or whatever)
    2) he’s got a wife
    3) he is criminal
    4) he is not confident in your feelings and intentions, probably he is afraid that you will like one of his friends
    5) he is a wierdo etc.
    If you ask directly and he refuses to answer – just break up
    If you ask directly and he answers – BINGO. You’ve got an answer.
    Further you wait, harder to split up

    #879988 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    “ Ive asked him many times if hes hiding something or whats the reason as to why I havent met him or his mom… Yet he always avoids the question and gives something completly out of the question.”

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