At a Crossroads.

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  • Josie
    September 11, 2022 at 4:37 pm #1115969

    Me and my best friend have been discussing moving in together for a couple months, and recently found a place we would like, but now that we are zeroing in on the change, I am very anxious and quite honestly freaking out. I am really really close with my family and live with them right now, we see eachother all the time and tell eachother everything. One of my main fears is that moving out would change this relationship, and that I would not get to see them as often. I know that moving out would benefit me through becoming more independent and learning how to spend time alone, but I am just not sure if that is something I am ready for yet. I lost my grandmother a couple weeks ago, and am starting a graduate program in about a week, so I am also worried that all of this change paired with moving out and dealing with the separation from my family will be bad for my mental health. I also struggle with paying that much a month for an apartment when I am able to live at home rent free. I was telling these fears to my best friend and she is worried that I am letting my anxiety control me and does not want me to regret this decision later. I do know the benefits that come with moving out, but I just am not sure if I am ready to give up the comfort and safety of home yet. I know that I will have to make this step eventually, but everytime I think about moving out it feels like my heart is going to explode. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions?

    September 11, 2022 at 4:50 pm #1115970

    Well,it seems obvious that you just are not ready to leave your family/move out. I know you do not want to disappoint your friend but I think better to do it now, than not be able to afford your expenses etc. You have time to save, and get used o the idea. Good Luck.

    September 11, 2022 at 6:41 pm #1115971

    The thing that strikes me is that you don’t want to move out, and instead of just feeling confident in that choice, you’re discussing it with her, and even asking random strangers for advice. It shows you don’t feel confident in your choices.

    My advice would be tell her you are not going to be moving out with her asap. Don’t say maybe, or “I think,” say what you want to do and be clear so she does not count on you as a roommate. Don’t be wish-washy. You could write down what you want to say, and make sure the language is neutral and calm if that makes you anxious.

    Feeling like your heart is going to explode, is that literally what you feel like? Or is that an exaggeration? If you have anxiety/mental health issues, are you being treated? Take advantage of everything school affords you, including counseling.

    September 11, 2022 at 9:09 pm #1115972

    Is this the poster with the deeply troubled family re: the “family washcloths”?

    September 12, 2022 at 8:01 am #1115973

    Change is always scary. First day at work, new school year, moving out…

    But, from an old person’s perspective, you will regret the things you didn’t do more than the things you did do. Not taking the opportunities presented to you leaves you with the “what ifs”.

    One year. That’s it. One year. Will it be perfect? – hell no! Will it be awful? Eh, I’ve had terrible roommate experiences and all it left me with was a few good stories about awful roommates and no lasting damage. You always have the safety net of your home just in case. That’s good! I say do it because you’ll learn so much about yourself and what you need in a living space and how to manage your own space.

    Also, I know people who are my age (50’s) who still talk to their parents daily. At some point that kind of behavior moves from sweet, to weird and then back to sweet over 35 years or so.

    September 12, 2022 at 9:55 am #1115974

    I also will say I think you should move out. It’s time.

    September 12, 2022 at 12:14 pm #1115975

    “I am also worried that all of this change paired with moving out and dealing with the separation from my family will be bad for my mental health.”

    Have you had mental health issues in the past? If not, as a graduate student you are at a point in life where increased independence carries benefits. If you can do your graduate program either living at home or moving in with your friend, then you aren’t moving far from home and should be able to visit family frequently.

    September 12, 2022 at 12:24 pm #1115976

    If you’re worried about your mental health, instead of not taking the natural step of moving out like you’ve planned, what if you instead make an appointment with a doctor or a therapist to discuss your worries about your mental health?

    Moving out is never easy. Even if you move out, you may feel lonely and like it wasn’t the right choice. And you may feel that way for awhile, but it still doesn’t mean it was the wrong choice. The loneliest part of my life, was with a huge far away move, and I now look back on with some nostalgia, for my freedom and how awesome it felt learning to love to be alone. I now crave time alone.

    Even if you feel that way,- horribly lonely, it sounds like you’re close enough to o visit or call or spend the weekend or the night.

    TLDR-check in on your MH if it truly worries you, but move out!

    September 14, 2022 at 2:50 am #1115995

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At a Crossroads.

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