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Dear Wendy

Coronavirus/ Covid-19/ At-Home Support Thread

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  • #963143 Reply
    avatarTheLadyE
    Guest

    I just found out my best friend and her husband went from NC to PA this weekend to visit his family. They went to his grandfather’s 90-year birthday party (!!) and then to a WEDDING unmasked. (!!) The husband texted me on their way home saying “We didn’t realize there are a ton of cases in my hometown – now we have to quarantine for 2 weeks! :(” Like what in the actual fuck, did you not research this before you fucking went? I don’t know why I am so ANGRY at them but I think it’s really disappointment. These are two smart adults with advanced degrees.

    I feel like I’m becoming a different person, a more angry and judgmental person, as a result of this. I would never wish bad things on people I love…and yet, I wish they were less fucking stupid. I mean seriously. For some reason they think only people who are high risk are going to die. UM NO. And also my best friend has asthma and they both have health issues.

    Damn, I’m just angry and sad.

    #963159 Reply
    avatarDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    @LadyE, I totally get where you’re coming from as the anger and disappointment is something I’ve struggled with for months as I watch friends and people do things I think are needlessly reckless while my family and I continue sacrificing a lot. And we aren’t sacrificing just – or even mainly – for our own well-being; we’re sacrificing for the greater good, to help reduce the spread of this virus and save lives. It’s hard when you sacrifice a lot and you see other people act as if they don’t have a care in the world.

    #963212 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Now they’re saying that small household gatherings are contributing to the uptick in cases.

    https://www.cnn.com/2020/10/14/health/us-coronavirus-wednesday/index.html

    Basically EVERYONE is doing this, even the sanctimonious judgmental folks. Somehow they think there’s no risk to getting together with friends or family. I was SO freaking pissed recently when my boss invited 4 of us over and claimed we’d be outside on the deck and more than 6 feet apart. I pictured in my mind that we’d have chairs set up in different corners of the deck. Nope, we were seated at a table, just normal. And she socializes with lots of different people. That was the first time in several months I’ve gotten together with anyone but my parents (which, not even that is “safe”), and now forget it, I’m not doing this anymore. People are nuts.

    #963214 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    Admittedly, I’ve done this a few times. We had dinner with some other folks that have been isolating for the past 8 months. It was a calculated risk.

    I’ve chastised my mom because while she is relatively careful, she’s not that careful. I have to remind her that here in Florida, getting a negative test means fuck-all because it takes so long to get the test and then you know – the next day you hang out with your friend who has been “isolating” but her son comes to visit every so often and who knows what he picked up on the airplane and has it been two weeks since he left, because I don’t think it’s been 2 weeks and you don’t know if she is sick because she could be asymptomatic remember what’s his name who has the antibodies and didn’t even know he got it – like that!

    Do you think I’ve had this conversation more than once, because I’ve had it more than once. I’m going back to NYC for a bit – but part of me will likely come back because it’s winter and fuck that shit and also because this woman needs someone to give good guilt (“don’t bring that home and get me sick!”)

    #963217 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Yeah, we have all gotten together with family and friends, and we call it a calculated risk. But then we’re screaming all kinds of vitriol at people asking for advice who mentioned they went on a date or hung out with friends. Unless we’ve stayed in our home for 8 months with occasional trips to the grocery store or pharmacy, we really shouldn’t be doing that. We’re all fucked.

    #963220 Reply
    avatarktfran
    Participant

    Yeah, I’ve tried to stop judging. Everyone is taking some sort of risk.

    I did tell my mom a couple months ago that I won’t come home for Thanksgiving unless it’s our immediate family only (our total count is 12). She always hosts my dad’s side. I think she was on board, but then I found out my aunt and uncle are coming in from NC and a cousin from MI the weekend before. My dad and the rest of his family will get together that weekend, which defeats the entire purpose. So… I don’t think I’m going home for Thanksgiving.

    I’m not mad at my family for getting together. That’s a risk my dad and mom are willing to take. The husband and I aren’t willing to take it and so, we’ll do what we think is best.

    I think as long as people are honest with one another about how much they’ve opened up their “pod” so everyone can make informed decisions, that’s the best we can do right now.

    #963222 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Agree, just be honest. Like my boss is talking as if everything she does is “distanced” with masks, but that is 100% not true, as I saw when I got there. And she claims to be in two “bubbles,” but obviously her direct reports she invited over are not part of either of those bubbles, so that’s BS too.

    #963225 Reply
    avatarDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    I think the upcoming holidays, when the IHME projects cases will be surging across the country in a second wave that may be even higher than what we experienced in the spring, will be especially challenging for people. Holidays are already pretty lonely for a lot of people and there’s going to be a lot of temptation, not to mention a lot of pressure, to gather with loved ones. I think NOW is a good time to consider how to best handle this. What is your own comfort level? Maybe getting together with one other couple or one other family? Immediate family only? Celebrating only with people you share a home with? Staying local (no air travel, no long distance driving or staying overnight somewhere?).

    Obviously, there’s not necessarily “right” or “wrong” ways here, but there’s definitely a spectrum of risk, just like there always has been, and people are going to judge, people are going to feel slighted or rejected or offended, and the best any of us can do is find a balance between certain risks and tending to our emotional well-being in whatever ways we feel most comfortable with and confident about.

    #963227 Reply
    avatarDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Here’s that IHME projection:

    https://covid19.healthdata.org/united-states-of-america?view=infections-testing&tab=trend&test=infections

    They’re projecting that by Thanksgiving (Nov. 26) daily cases in the US will be almost double what they are today. And by Christmas, daily deaths will be nearly three times what they are today. Projections suggest that by the middle of January, our daily death count will be the highest it’s been during the entire pandemic, but of course, all of that is subject to change and is very dependent on people’s behavior between now and then.

    I’m trying to get my kids out as much as we can while the weather is nice and the cases are still really low in NYC. They aren’t going to school, which reduces our risk and exposure by a lot, so I feel ok balancing that with trips to the playground or park (especially during school hours when these places are pretty empty). I just ordered them really warm coats for winter and I am hoping we have a mild winter like we did last year, but I expect we’ll be hunkering down a lot and probably feeling kind of lonely.

    #963228 Reply
    avatarktfran
    Participant

    I’m ordering some new winter gear so I can go on longer walks this winter. I have stuff, but it was always mostly used for commuting so it was fine the 15 to 30 minutes I walked outside. I need a few better things. I’ll need to get out of the condo. And we still don’t have a car, but I’m slowly convincing the husband we need one.

    #963229 Reply
    avatarBethany
    Guest

    We haven’t done hardly any socializing, but both I and the husband have had to go into work on the regular. Our area still is hovering around 4% positivity and we are just hunkering at home. No trick or treating this year, thanksgiving, and Christmas at home just the three of us. It all feels so sad and disappointing with members of both of our families just galavanting around and going to places like Costco because they are bored. I’m done explaining to people why that is a bad idea and am focusing on what we can do to make it through the next 3 to 4 months.

    On a bright note, because we donated when George Takei asked us to, we participated in the Star Trek Zoom fundraiser. It was great fun to watch since we both grew up watching the many iterations. AND I want to know how Deanna and Riker (from the next generation) still look so dang good! It can’t be just because they have ring lights. 🙂

    #963230 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Based on what the TV doctors are saying today, no one should be getting together for the holidays at all.

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