Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Covid Support Thread

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  • #973012 Reply

    @Helen – I meant I’m glad he’s quarantining, not that his 81 year old partner is at risk. I’m sorry if I came off super snarky.

    #973014 Reply

    Sorry for the repeated posts today but from the journals two interesting tidbits:

    People with kidney disease, especially late stage kidney failure are eleven times more likely to need hospitalization. If you know someone with kidney issues, tell them to be extra careful. Folks with late stage kidney disease may have other health issues, but this is standing out as a differentiator based on the data.

    Scientists have identified five genes that manage responses around antiviral immunity and lung inflammation that may be a differentiator between those who get ill versus critically ill. It’s not entirely clear in the article what’s at the root but the article goes on to say that this is helping scientists focus on existing drugs that treat these issues, in particular anti-inflammatory drugs.

    #973016 Reply

    I didn’t think you sounded snarky Lisforleslie. Thanks for the info!

    #974470 Reply
    Avatar photoTheLadyE

    Hey folks.

    Gotta be honest, I’ve been really struggling with a ton of anger, resentment, and frustration the past week or two. (I will say my relationship with my boyfriend is now going much better than it was and we’re in a good place. Yay. I’m so grateful for that!)

    However, it’s my friends that are the issue. Yes, I went out to a restaurant for my birthday and that was the biggest risk I’ve taken. So, I guess in that way I’m a hypocrite. But other than that, other than grocery runs/pet store runs for my furkids, I’ve been isolated. My boyfriend is the only person who’s been in my house and we wear masks and we stay far apart. The science says that you need to be in contact with an infected person for 15 minutes (or so) without masks to be in real danger. Therefore, indoor dining is risky, schools are risky, going to someone else’s home who isn’t in your “bubble” is risky.

    And yet. Yet.

    My best friend in the whole world, one of the smartest people I know, and her husband who is also pretty dang smart, have been going to all sorts of friends’ homes for dinners. She just told me they have plans every night leading up to Christmas. In people’s homes. She and her sister had a girls’ night with another girl we know from years ago…whose father had just flown in from Florida. In her sister’s house, unmasked, drinking and watching a movie.

    THEN, there’s my other friend, the single dad who I’ve been friends with for years and who I thought I could trust not to act like a dumbass because he (used to) visit me often. A couple weeks ago he sends me pictures of himself doing karaoke in someone’s house. We spent all weekend arguing about the validity of the pandemic numbers. He lives next to THE ONLY FUCKING HOSPITAL IN OUR AREA that is not full. The ONLY ONE. His ex-wife is a nurse at that hospital, and since she isn’t working 24/7 he believes COVID isn’t as bad as everyone says. I’ve sent him so many stories from nurses and doctors around the country about how bad it is. His response? “Well that’s just their opinion, and my opinion is different.”

    Literally every asinine, fucking stupid argument (“people are still out and about with no masks so it must be fine! They count everything as a COVID death even if the person had a comorbidity! If I got hit by a bus but I had COVID antibodies they would count it as a COVID death! The hospital parking lot is mostly empty so it must be a hoax! It’s a political issue, and I refuse to believe it!” I could go on) he makes. He denies the real, lived experience of health care workers. He questions every death they talk about. “The guy was 50? Was he obese? Did he have health problems already?”

    I’m so frustrated and angry and disappointed and dismayed.

    I’ve upped my therapy sessions to every other week. My therapist is of the same mind I am and we basically spent the last session venting about all the shit that’s happening. He gave me extremely good advice to cope, which is to disengage with these people and these thoughts and channel my energy into getting ready for spring/the vaccine. I can’t change people, much as I wish I could.

    I don’t know what to do with all this anger.

    I also am pissed as fuck that my friends keep treating me like a fucking invalid. Oh, it’s fine for them to get together with whoever the fuck they want but they better tell me if I suggest dining outdoors because I have lung problems. My best friend has asthma. Her husband has an infection in his arm which severely compromises his immune system. Her mother has all sorts of health problems. The single dad is relatively healthy but who the fuck knows? So many people are dying of this. It affects everyone differently. But they say…you (I) can quarantine if I feel like I need to, but they’re going to “live their lives”. Oh, ok. Because what I want is to isolate myself, not get to kiss my boyfriend, not get to perform comedy, not get to go to the gym or have people over or participate in fucking life. Cool cool.

    I feel this anger like a knot in my stomach and a pain in my heart and I don’t want to have high blood pressure and/or a heart attack in my 30s as a result of my friends being fucking stupid.

    It’s the disappointment more than anything else.

    Thanks for listening to me. I’m glad I can talk to y’all here.

    #974718 Reply

    Unfortunately, not only has the pandemic become political, but you live in a red state. In a time when conservatives have abandoned belief in science, journalism, facts, etc. A lot of people need to aggressively pretend this pandemic is fake or exaggerated.

    I will say, it’s better in a blue state. We have mask mandates and restrictions, and people at least believe we’re in a dangerous pandemic situation. But… It really is not safe now to get together with anyone. In warmer weather I think it was all right to eat outside with a friend or two. Now that it’s cold, just no.

    Please just disengage with these people and hang in there until you can get the vaccine. Maybe you can get it sooner than other people. Don’t start taking risks now that it’s so close. Ignore your friends, they’re in la la land. Having tour boyfriend over if he’s coming into contact with lots of people, is not safe either. Just stay cool and get through it.

    #974823 Reply

    Oh I’m definitely seeing a difference in behavior Red/Blue. TheLadyE – you come here and you rant and rage all you need to because I am right there with you.

    California just ordered 50,000 body bags.
    Whoever manufactures morgue trucks is having a banner year too.
    Over 3500 people died yesterday. We will have 20,000+ deaths this week ALONE.

    I really think that Indonesia has it right. Anyone caught denying should be forced to spend time digging graves. One day mopping floors in the COVID wing perhaps. Or carting bodies from the hospital to the morgues.

    #974902 Reply

    I’m with you LadyE. I am sorry that this is happening with your close peeps – I feel so incredibly fortunate that my BFFs are all taking it incredibly seriously. We’ve all weighed risks and done some things that others might not (my best friend has 3 kids 6 and under, and the youngest two are in day care, for example; or another good friend let her ADHD 11yo play masked soccer this fall, things like that). I have a few family members who believe covid is real but still do really dumb shit (flying to Florida from Colorado and visiting Disney World this week! WTF!!) BUT no one who is super close to me is an outright covid denier. THAT I really couldn’t handle, and I think your frustration and rage are justified. Definitely just disengage with them to the extent you can.

    The “well everyone who is scared should just quarantine while the rest of us live our lives” argument drives me INSANE. Even those of us who isolate can’t do it 100%, we still have to occasionally pick up groceries or visit a doctor ourselves, or our washing machines keep randomly filling up with water and we’re just going to ignore that for awhile but maybe will need to call a repair person at some point, or whatever. And if the whole community is awash in covid, it’s damn near impossible to avoid even if you’re doing your best to isolate (that reminds me, Fyodor if you’re reading, I hope your family is doing ok!!)

    #974977 Reply

    I’m angry, too. Mostly at family for pretending the virus isn’t real or a big deal. The family close to us keep hosting get togethers and then make us feel like shit for not going. My mom and stepdad in AZ don’t wear masks. They say no one where they live wear masks, and no one cares, etc and their area is hard hit right now. It’s amazing the cognitive dissonance. And my mom is the type who has literally posts memes about polio on FB and how lucky we are not to have that anymore. Both of their mothers were nurses and would be aghast at them.

    I don’t know if it’s the virus/loneliness/all this family shit but we’re literally contemplating moving back to Seattle. We moved here for family, and while that’s been okay….it’s pretty strained right now and after three years of being here it’s not fun to imagine moving again, but also….I realize I am not really very happy here.

    #974983 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa

    @TheLadyE I’m very sorry. That’s frustrating. I always wonder how many people need to die for the people who deny the severity of COVID to take it seriously. Like, what is their threshold? Is it when we can say that the death toll is the same as an entire state’s population being wiped out? I dunno. I’m glad to live where I do, where people take it seriously and wear masks.

    The people I know getting COVID right now are the ones who were the conservatives “just living their lives.” My cousin and her family are one example. My boyfriend’s mom and stepdad live in the suburbs here and are conservative. Both are older, and his stepdad has lingering health issues from cancer and is higher risk. They only recently got nervous enough stay the fuck home. They, luckily, are fine. They canceled their Thanksgiving plans in South Carolina, where Boyfriend’s sister, BIL, and kids live (again, conservative). And BIL has COVID because they insisted on Thanksgiving with friends when the rest of the family bailed. (My boyfriend and I were the only two to NOPE on out from the get-go, the rest of the family bailed the week of, even his very liberal brother and SIL, which I thought was odd…) Boyfriend’s sister has severe asthma from what I’m told, and I think they’re morons for all of this, but hoping everyone gets through it okay. Here in Illinois, Boyfriend’s cousin had a VERY premature baby earlier this year that still has some issues and the cousin’s husband also just wanted to live his life. (Another conservative fam.) He now has COVID. Anyway, these are more outer rings of my circle and it’s still just annoying to hear about because literally all of these people could’ve just stayed home instead of doing that thing that got them sick and exposed their families and who knows who else. I can’t even imagine how frustrated I’d be if these people were closer to me.

    #975019 Reply

    @Copa – I think for some it doesn’t matter who dies. Some shitheel was wearing a homemade shirt that said that his SON died and he was still not going to wear a mask and blah blah blah. Now maybe he didn’t like his son, but damn.

    I definitely think there is a cult like mentality and their identity is so wrapped up that they have nothing left if they move towards the center. Like when fundamentalists realize their communities didn’t protect them from abusive leadership; they are shunned, told to hide things, let it go, further abused, disparaged, etc. And if they leave many end up killing themselves because they’ve lost their community, their faith and their entire support system.

    #975058 Reply
    Part-time Lurker

    So. Much. Solidarity with all of the frustration and anger. You all have absolutely every right to feel angry, confused, frustrated and one step away from losing your shit on the next idiot who refuses to take the basic steps necessary to keep other’s safe and healthy. Those people are 100% the reason that this thing has drug on for so long. I’m not saying we could have wiped it out completely (there are just too many avenues for transmission)but we definitely could have done a much better job of containing it.

    I just took a little time to get caught up on the thread and my heart goes out to all of the commenters who have been affected by this illness.

    #976015 Reply
    Avatar photoTheLadyE

    Thank you all so much for the solidarity. I have been feeling so alone in my anger and frustration, because these are people I love and respect and who I really thought were smarter than how they’re acting.

    Update on my single dad friend: I shared some of the arguments he’s been giving me on Facebook on another friend’s COVID post, and long story short a nurse at the hospital he lives next to said his arguments were complete crap. She said their ICU is full, that both an abundance of staff and patients have COVID, that they’re being horribly overworked and the reason the parking lot is empty is because there are no longer volunteers (used to be hundreds) there and also people generally don’t drive themselves to the ICU, which was a point I had already made to him previously.

    I screenshotted it and sent it to him.
    He responded with, “Wow. Thanks for sharing. Who knew?”
    Me: “Uh…I knew? Anyone who’s been reading or watching the news knew? I’ve been telling you this for weeks.”
    Him: “Oh see that’s the thing, I don’t read the news. It’s all sad and bad.”
    Me: “So…what you’re saying is you don’t educate yourself or keep up with what’s going on but you still dig in your heels on your own opinion and want to argue?”

    His response was that he has to think about that and get back to me.

    For the love of all things holy. This was a man who, many years ago, I really liked romantically. Thank goodness we didn’t end up together or I would be in a miserable marriage right about now. Apparently God/the universe/the eternal wisdom of the ages knows what they are doing. *headdesk*

    And Kate, you’re right about the red and blue state thing…though the area I live in trends blue; it’s a larger city and there are many universities and transplants from up north. Honestly, if I didn’t have a great boyfriend, friend group, job, and comedy career here (all of which I LOVE and took many years to cultivate), I would seriously consider getting the heck out and going someplace more blue. It can be maddening. My little sister lives in Boston and she loves it there (except the brutal winters).

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