Home › Forums › Advice & Chat › At odds about church
- This topic has 66 replies, 14 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 11 months ago by Firestar.
I’m just blown away at how you’ve been mistreated! You’re not wrong. As a religious person (not Christian) myself, I would totally not expect you to participate in religious ceremonies.
I agree with most of the posts (except Janelle’s), so I won’t repeat most of what has already been said. The only thing I want to add is it almost sounds like you’re married to two people– your husband and your MIL. She is nosy and overbearing. You have enough problems with your flawed husband without adding an overbearing MIL to the mix.
I hope things get better. Hope you find the inner strength to deal appropriately.golfer.galGuest
Oh my. I don’t have much to add except to agree 100% with Wendy and to tell you how sorry i am you are in this situation. This marriage does not look salvageable to me, and I don’t think saving it is the right thing. Hes already proven his response to being asked to change will be to pay lip service and do nothing. He is abusive and manipulative and it seems his apple does not fall far from his family tree. Planning a birthday party without you? Explicitly ignoring your request, needs, and feelings? Jesus. And the sex thing is absolutely appalling. You have a nagging, wiggling feeling you’re being abused because you are. Please meet with an attorney in addition to the counsellor and start getting your ducks in a row for a divorce. I am sending love and good thoughts to yoMarcieGuest
Wow, this is terrible. At the least, your husband is a horribly selfish person and wants to get his own way (which he says about you) no matter if he hurts you or not. At the most, he is a son of a bitch. To even try to get you to have sex with him before it was safe, and to practically blame you for his urges? That’s why Tori Spelling has so many kids close together, because her husband is a sex addict. It’s just all wrong. I hope you get some good help and have some people in your corner you trust to help you get through all of this.JanelleGuest
I didn’t read that until now. Wow. Just wow. Not even close to ok of him to have done that.Moe PGuest
To me, it sounds like it’s the mother-in-law who is the only one who really cares about having this ceremony and your husband, as others have pointed out, is being lazy. You also sound unreasonable too. I understand to sort of agree-to-disagree when it comes to religion, but you must be on the same page ultimately. To say it is OK to have a ceremony for your baby but refuse to go is not being on the same page at all. It also seems like your MIL is being terribly manipulative and controlling.MorecoffeepleaseGuest
Wow, I would be so mad if this was my husband. He did not listen to you AT ALL. Then he accuses you of not doing what he wanted. He and his mom threw a 1st birthday party without you?! That is beyond the pale. He and his mom are basically plotting behind your back. You stated things very clearly. You said to plan the church thing for any weekend other than that weekend. You had family coming into town. Then you had to deal with a health problem. 1. He should have picked a different weekend 2. He should have been by your side when you are having a health problem 3. He should have planned a 1st birthday party with you and you alone. 4. He should have focused on being with your family and helping that weeekend and 5. He is way too attached to his mother. I see this as ALL a problem/disfunction of your husband. Insist on marriage counseling to address these things. He is not being respectful of you, your beliefs, your role as a parent, and he is crap at communicating properly.FirestarGuest
Aw I’m sorry you’re dealing with all this. My husband and I aren’t the same religion either. I’m catholic – ish and he’s Muslim – ish. And we decided before kids what would happen too. The deal was our daughter would be raised Catholic-ish and then choose her own path later. She was baptized and he came. I didn’t expect it. He just held her and recited no vows. I made it clear to the priest ahead of time he wasn’t catholic and went over the expectations I had for the priest. And then we had a party at our house that he completely knew about. The fuck. They picked the weekend you told them not to pick because the party was the plan the whole time. A party is work. There is a cake. There is planning. It’s a whole thing they didn’t even tell you about. On purpose. You need a counsellor for just you so you can figure out how to stand up for yourself and your son. Your mil is so fucking far out of line I can’t even see her anymore. And your husband – sorry – is an asshole. No visits to Mil until your marriage is back on track without you. Guard your son from them. Right now they can’t be trusted. Sounds harsh I know. But they can’t be.
Make it plain to your husband his actions are a betrayal. Of your initial agreement. Of your marital vows. And of your partnership. This is not how you cherish anyone. And this is not how you treat an equal. All these fucking people for whom church is SO IMPORTANT and then this is how they treat you? What the fuck are they learning there? There is no world in which the mother isn’t invited to her son’s birthday party. The fuck. You are approaching this like you did something wrong to warrant this mistreatment. Nope. You need to change this narrative. Get help doing it… and then go to couples counselling. After you know how to advocate for yourself.