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Dear Wendy

Baby shower Question

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This topic contains 33 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by avatar keyblade 6 days, 10 hours ago.

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  • #847524 Reply
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    Poppy
    Member

    @kate I am a personal card person so being simply is usually not my style. I was given the names of the babies and didnt want to write out their names if one turned out to be a girl since they arent 100% for sure. Also, like I said, I dont know if,my stepbrother is the father so how can I congrats him beforehand if he doesnt know, you know? I think I really like Wendys suggestion and will write that, so thanks Wendy. @BMG I was blunt and real about my feelings…. Most people wouldnt be ecstatic that their 21yr old son might be a daddy but stepmom is on a different level. Lol That said I am being the bigger person and DID buy a gift for these babies and yes, partially of it is to appease stepmom but because I actually do feel bad for the babies. It isnt their fault @oracle. I know this. I’m not that much of an asshole.

    #847526 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Oh, I get your sentiments. Dumb kids having dumb babies that will make still more dumb babies in a scant 17 years is a vicious cycle many seem unwilling or unable to break!
    .
    But… just be vague and bland about the card. 😉

    #847528 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Poppy, it really is simple. Someone had a baby, you buy a card and write congratulations and best wishes to you and your family. The babies’ names don’t need to be mentioned at all, and you would never assume you know anything about the babies’ paternity when writing a card. You address the card to mom and you say congrats. The boy is staying with her, so whether he’s their bio dad or not, he’s gonna be dad. What the hell?

    #847531 Reply

    OMG. Your stepbrother is celebrating them as if they are his. It sounds like regardless of who the father is (which is none of your business!) he’s stepping up. So swallow your judgment and suggestions for paternity tests and or don’t bother sending them anything.

    #847532 Reply
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    Fyodor

    Basically for milestones or celebrations involving people who are mostly strangers, just follow Krusty’s example below. No one cares about a highly personal assessment of the situation.

    https://youtu.be/BfOmkqz06SY

    #847533 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    RANDOM ASIDE — Do people often announce the names of babies before they are born nowadays? I’ve never run across this before. (My sister was very cagey about names and said they only decided after my nephew was born.) I have loads of friends with kids now, and don’t recall ever learning of the names until after the birth. Is this a new thing? Or a regional custom? Just curious.

    #847534 Reply
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    SpaceySteph
    Participant

    I get being a personal card person, but like… you don’t know this person. There’s literally nothing personal here. At most she’s the baby mama of a step-brother you have no personal relationship with. At the least she’s… nothing to you at all. If ever there were a moment to just write something impersonal and move on, this is the time. Write “congrats mom to be! <3, Poppy” and move on.

    Also I’m pretty sure this isn’t about the card at all, but rather that you wanted a opportunity to air her dirty laundry so consider that mission accomplished.

    #847535 Reply

    A lot of parents get excited about choosing names and it’s common to discuss them with those that are interested. It’s funny that poppy knows the names but not the baby’s mother at all.

    #847536 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Like, good for him for sticking around and intending to try to be a father! Guys who do that are good guys.

    #847538 Reply
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    Ele4phant

    This is all very easy because this mess is not your problem at all.

    Buy a generic baby card, write in it “Congratulations!” And slide in there a gift certificate to babies r us (or wherever people get baby supplies anymore).

    That’s it! At least for you.

    The gender of the children are not your concern at all, so don’t worry about it! No need for you to give advice dna testing as their paternity is also not your concern.

    Frankly it’s not even your stepmoms concern. If her son has agreed to raise these children as his own that’s his prerogative, not his mothers, and definitely not his step sister’s that he isn’t that close to.

    #847539 Reply
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    SpaceySteph
    Participant

    @BGM, this is definitely a trend I have noticed. Some people even get personalized stuff (blankets, nursery decor, etc) before the kid is born.

    I’m Jewish and definitely feel more comfortable with the Jewish tradition of not naming or preparing for the baby before its born. We didn’t find out the sex of my daughter before she was born, nor did we have a baby shower or buy anything before she was born. Literally my husband left the hospital the afternoon she was born to buy a pack of onesies, some diapers, and a bassinet (we did have a car seat already because it was a hand-me-down from my nephew).
    I had a very early miscarriage a couple months ago (trying for #2), and it really just drove home for me how dicey it is to be naming babies and decorating nurseries early in pregnancy. You never know how its going to turn out and coming home from the hospital to a decorated nursery and the name on the wall with no baby to put in it sounds like such an awful thing

    #847541 Reply
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    Ele4phant

    Also ditto what spaceysteph said.

    You can’t write a personal card because you don’t really know these people.

    So don’t worry about them, and just do the bare minimum to acknowledge their new arrival.

    And then go about living your own life.

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