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Dear Wendy

Babyshower gifting

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This topic contains 20 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by avatar Howdywiley 2 weeks, 3 days ago.

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  • #805902 Reply
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    Poppy
    Member

    Question, if you dont get invited to a baby shower that is family should you still give a gift?

    #805903 Reply
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    JD

    Totally up to you. It’s nice and know that since mother didn’t plan shower (one hopes) she may not know what the guest list is in the end. Often they will provide one but it’s very possible she doesn’t know. So it may not be her not inviting you. It’s nice but since you aren’t going to a shower not expected.

    #805904 Reply
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    Kate

    No. I mean you can, but no.

    #805905 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    I personally wouldn’t, unless it was like a second or third child and I was close to the person. But in that instance, a shower wouldn’t have happened.

    #805912 Reply
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    ele4phant

    Etiquette-wise, I do not believe you are expected to.

    But you can give a gift to anyone for any reason at any time. So, if you want to give the expectant mother something, by all means you can.

    If you don’t want to but want a clear conscience, okay, you’ve got our permission and emily post on your side.

    I feel like there’s maybe more to your question though. Maybe:

    Are you insinuating that because you are family, you should’ve been invited, and therefore you are asking if you can not give a gift as retribution? I mean, I guess you could do that if it’d make you feel better, but I doubt anyone but you will get it.

    Are you asking if you have to give a gift because your family will expect you to? I can’t speak to your family’s expectations; if you think they’re going to pressure you to give and it’s no skin off your back, give a smaller gift to satisfy them.

    Are you backhand getting a straw poll from the inter-webs to see if we think you should have been invited? To validate your hurt feelings? To get tacit permission to confront the expectant mother?

    I feel like there’s more to your question than just – should I give a baby gift if its family but I wasn’t invited to the baby shower.

    #805920 Reply
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    Poppy
    Member

    @ele4phant yes there is more to it but not that I am upset because I didnt get an invite. I just thought id ask a direct question since I couldnt find any etiquette rules on my question. So here is my situation. My Husband has 2 female cousins expecting. Cousin 1 has 2 children with 3rd baby due around thanksgiving. Cousin 2 has no children, first child due in early March. Both cousins are paternal side of family. I received an invite to C2 baby shower. When I started dating my husband, C1 had one child and a baby#2 due, obviously no invite as I barely had known her. My Husband and I are very close to C2, in age and in general. We live approx 4 hrs from our families. My feelings are more or less to not feel guilty if we don’t give a gift but then also if we do should it be equal to cousin 2s baby shower gift. C1 speaks and is friendly, we have zero issues. I feel giving a gift would be nice.

    #805923 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    So is cousin 1 even having a shower since this is baby #3? I’d assume not but who knows.

    It’d be nice to send or bring something small. Maybe a book or an outfit or diapers, but you definitely don’t have to or feel guilty if you don’t.

    Just don’t gift them at the same time and you’re totally fine to do something small vs something bigger.

    #805924 Reply

    I got it, I think.

    On the number of kids each cousin has alone, I think you are justified in giving one cousin a larger gift than the other.

    Teeeeccchhhhnicalllly you’re not supposed to have showers after the first child, although I do think its nice to have sprinkles or sip and sees for all children, they’re all special and deserve recognition regardless of what order they were born in. But anyways.

    So, if it were me, I’d probably give a sweet, thoughtful, but inexpensive book to cousin one. This way every niece or nephew is being recognized, but cousin one really doesn’t need as much stuff as cousin two, she presumably has quite a bit of that stuff already.

    Nobody should have a problem with it – and if they do, well, that’s their problem not yours.

    #805928 Reply
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    Poppy
    Member

    @ktfran, should have clarified. C1 has had a shower already. I found out by her post on Instagram. I didnt think she was having a shower as she already has 2 other kids, all girls btw. Thabk you guys for the book idea. My favorite book as a child was “The Lorax”. Probably do that since big sisters can read it to her. Thank you all for your input.

    #805930 Reply
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    Poppy
    Member

    Oh also @jd im a big fan of the honest company. Most of my gifts come from there. Congrats on your pregnancy.

    #805933 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    Hmm. Interesting about the shower. If I’d received an invite, I’d think wtf. Oh well.

    I love gifting books to children. Definitely a nice gesture.

    #806058 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    Chiming in late but you can follow traditional Jewish rules: Send a gift after the baby is born (we don’t do baby showers at all). Don’t worry about shower invite or not. You can spend whatever you like on either baby.

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