Home › Forums › Advice & Chat › Becoming more than friends – am I being irrational?
- This topic has 6 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 week, 6 days ago by
Anonymousse.
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atACrossRoad
GuestI (29M) have a really close friend (31F) who I’ve gotten to know over the past couple years. We know just about everything about each others lives. Whether it’s family, work, or otherwise.
Over the past couple months she has started saying that I’m her favorite person & that she thinks about me all the time.
Recently, she mentioned that she wants me in her life until the end, spending more time together one on one, and that she is looking forward to doing all of the things we have talked about doing. I called out the one on one etc b/c we’ve mostly interacted together in group settings. But we do text etc.
The tricky part is… we don’t live in the same state. I never imagined I’d develop feelings like this for someone that I’ve yet to meet in real life. I will also say that I’m more than okay if we were only to be close, platonic friends.
If things ever were to truly develop I am also cognizant of the fact that meeting would of course have to happen (which, no matter which way this were to fall we will def meet in person.)
Am I reading this entire situation wrong?
Dear WendyKeymasterI think it’s great you’re connecting with someone but don’t rush to qualifying it as anything more than flirty platonic until you meet in person. Nothing should “truly develop” until you meet. If you think there’s potential, meet sooner rather than later. If you can’t make an in-person meeting happen within three months, it’s probably not going to happen and you should move on.
Anonymousse
GuestThis online friend you have, that you interact with in group settings, that you’ve never met (why?) have you FaceTimed? I would take about a good five steps back. She is asking for more time one on one, but you’ve never spent anytime one on one, right?
You’re hesitant and wrote in here for a reason. Honor that feeling, and please rewrite the narrative here, you don’t know her. You really don’t. Chatting online in a group setting is not knowing just about everything about someone. People show you what they want to. Especially in online-only spaces.
Hazel
ParticipantYou don’t know her, though, if you have not actually met. I’m assuming you have been chatting online face to face at least? That’s a start but you do need to spend some real time with someone before investing so much. Make a meeting happen, then you’ll know more about how to proceed. But don’t let this drag on. It’s probably preventing you from making other connections closer to home.
Kate
KeymasterI think there’s more and more of a trend of people developing these digital-only “relationships,” which actually could be had with generative AI, not even real people. It fills a need that people have and I think it’s fueled by the pandemic. I think this person likes talking to you for entertainment and a feeling of not being alone, and it’s being confused with an actual friendship or romantic relationship. It’s not. It’s a very specific thing which is very much removed from real life, human interaction, and relationships.
Anyway, what Wendy said.
KeymasterI think also there’s a tendency among young people to confuse “knowing a lot about someone” with intimacy. Sharing info about yourselves does not actually mean there’s chemistry or intimacy. It just means you talked to each other and shared info, which people in older generations commonly do in general convo. Kids feel like if they “open up” and talk about their feelings and experiences then they’ve made themselves vulnerable and that’s really special.
GuestYou don’t even know what she smells like, right? Look it up. Pheromones are a huge part of attraction. Sexual chemistry can’t be figured out via interacting in a group game setting? Or even cybersex. It’s just not the same thing at all. Your brain is excited that’s she interested in you, but you need to be realistic.
When someone you don’t know well or have interacted much with tells you that you are their favorite person, it should give you pause like this has. When she says she wants you with her one on one forever and she’s never met you, that’s bizarre talk or just bs talk. Which is fine, but take it that way. Don’t fall in love with a girl you met on some game online. Have you FaceTimed?
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