Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Best friend & Boyfriend

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  • This topic has 10 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 4 days, 9 hours ago by avatarBittergaymark.
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  • #1055739 Reply
    avatarMary
    Guest

    I have been dating this guy for 7 months and had only been officially in a relationship for one month. I have been bringing him around my friend group once we were official and most of my friends said he seemed cool but seemed shy. Which I agree my boyfriend Myles is on the shy side and I was hoping that he would click with my friends soon. I have a best friend Alyssa and I had been keeping her in the loop of our relationship and there was a time I did get into an argument with Myles regarding social media and I had told Alyssa about it. In this argument I expressed to Myles how we were in an official relationship now and that I did not appreciate him following girls on social media and liking their pictures. Myles wanted to fix things and deleted his accounts just to demonstrate how he did not care about social media and did not want our relationship to get damaged because of it. He also planned a bible study for us and a brunch so that I could meet his family. Myles was really putting an effort to make me feel more secure in the relationship and I know by communicating the relationship would get better. When I told Alyssa about this whole situation she told me she had a bad feeling about Myles and that she felt God telling her that Myles had a lustful problem. I did not know what to think when she shared that with me because were all Christian in this situation and I just decided to move forward with the relationship with Myles and be attentive to his behavior. Two weeks later my friend had a birthday party and Alyssa would be there as well because this is a mutual friend, I brought Myles as my plus one and the night went very well in my opinion.

    #1056323 Reply
    avatarHazel
    Participant

    I’m not quite sure what your question is here, but I am certain that God isn’t telling your friend anything about your relationship, she is simply being manipulative.

    #1056405 Reply
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    Listen: everyone is allowed to determine the bounds of their monogamous relationships, but if your boundaries are “my partner sees other women with his eyes” and “clicks the like button” you’re going to be in for a very long life. The fact that your boyfriend shut off his social media to appease this ridiculous request means he’s either A) really emotionally immature and can’t see how absurd this request is. B) Isn’t actually friends with other women because he can’t see them as anything other than sex objects. C) Has other social media accounts that you don’t know about and is lying to you. None of these speak well.

    Also, be wary of anyone telling you that God told them to tell you something. Why did God tell Mary and not you? That doesn’t make any sense.

    #1056497 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Agree with the above.

    Also, there’s a difference between asking him not to follow and like certain accounts on Instagram that you’d be embarrassed if your friends saw, like, idk, very sexy models or whatever, I’m sure there are differing opinions on that but whatever – and asking him not to like any girls/women’s accounts. The latter is super controlling and not ok.

    #1056536 Reply
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    Eh… You lost me at God, God, God… and your rather needy fixation on contolling his social media. Who he follows, likes, etc

    PS — Anytime a young guy excitedly wants to sit around studying the bible… the very first thing that pops into my head is —- Closet Case.

    #1056570 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    Also, public service announcement to all and sundry:

    It is not your partner’s job to “make you feel secure in the relationship.” You either feel secure, or you don’t. Other people are not obligated to behave in any particular way in order to make you feel something. If you don’t like who they naturally are, then leave.

    #1056571 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    Also, most young guys are “lustful,” yes.

    #1056580 Reply
    avatarHazel
    Participant

    Agree re the lustful– It’s only natural, and there’s nothing wrong with being lustful as long as you are also respectful and considerate and don’t pressurise anyone, and it sounds like he doesn’t.Also I’d agree re the forbidding him from social media contact with other girls- you can’t just cut him off from contact with 51% of the population, girls and women are awesome people too and if women want men to understand them, it makes no sense to preclude all contact with women.

    #1060467 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    Most young people are lustful and that’s not a bad thing. Not just guys. It’s ok to feel lust. It’s ok to act on lust. It’s not ok to act on lust without consent from the other person.

    Why do Christian people feel the need to police everyone around them? Seriously, I know there’s the “my brother’s keeper” thing but do you get like points or credit if you prevent someone from sinning? Because I really do not see the point in being up in someone’s business to this degree.

    #1060468 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    *some Christians – not all.

    #1060681 Reply
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    No, LisforLeslie… you were right the first time! 😉

    If not all… then MOST.

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