Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

best friend left me to smack talk me to my ex – ADVICE PLZ!

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice best friend left me to smack talk me to my ex – ADVICE PLZ!

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  • #848318 Reply

    this girl and I have been super close for 2 years now. we have been in multiple play productions together, and when I helped her through the ups and downs of her dad’s cancer journey, her and I became very close. we have been in the same friend group for 4 years, and have had so many wonderful experiences and quickly became best friends. when her and her boyfriend broke up, I had her sleepover at my place every weekend, would take her out to parties and would text and call her everyday to make sure she was alright. when she was struggling with mental health issues, I would go over to her house while she was having panic attacks and would answer her phone calls in the middle of the night. even though I had my own issues, we always centred our conversations around my friends life and when I would try to mention my own things she would tell me that her stuff was way harder and that I had to just support her. when her and her boyfriend recently got back together 2 months ago, she dropped me like a hot potato. she wouldn’t hangout with me anymore, and would only respond to my messages if It was about me getting her alcohol for upcoming events. she ignored all of my efforts to connect for over a month. she started yelling at me in front of our friends if I said something that she didn’t like or if I didn’t get her what shed wanted. 2 weeks ago my boyfriend and I of 7 months broke up. I called my friend the day after it happened to see if she could meet up with me (so I could tell her what happened), and she told me she would meet me in 10 mins at a location. I waited 15 mins and she never showed. later that week I asked our friend group group chat if anybody there was able to meet up with me that day for lunch. 4/5 people in the groupchat replied saying they had previous engagements. the only person who didn’t reply was my friend in question. a few days ago I messaged her saying I missed her and wanted to get together with her, and she agreed to make plans for tomorrow, but today she texted and said she was going to maybe hangout with her boyfriend instead because they “have stuff to do” (even though they were just on a one week trip together 24/7). After receiving these messages, I ended up having a phone conversation with my recent ex boyfriend just to catch up on life, and told him about the issues I had been having with this girl. He said that he texted her today and told her that we broke up, and was shocked that she didn’t know yet. She then proceeded to tell him that I have not tried contacting her in weeks, and that she doesn’t care to see if I’m ok or not because “clearly I don’t care about her” and proceeded to complain about “how bad of a friend” I am. My ex agreed that this situation was my fault. I had not yet told my friend that I had gone through a breakup because she didn’t show up to our plans, she hasn’t been responding to my messages and she cancelled the plans we had tommorow. I’m upset about it so I wanted to tell her about the break-up in person so I can express myself easier. Is it wrong of me to be upset that after all of my efforts in the friendship she goes and is saying rude things about me behind my back to my ex boyfriend while she is the one avoiding me? advice plz!

    #848326 Reply

    She sounds like a pretty shitty friend, quite honestly. Your entire relationship with her has been one sided.

    If you need extra companionship and sympathy after a breakup, it’s probably best to tell the people who care about you, though. That way they can realize you are experiencing emotional turmoil and need their help.

    Are you buying booze for minors?

    #848327 Reply

    This girl ain’t your friend and never really was. She used you and now she’s done with you for now. Wait until her bf breaks up with her, she will come crying back to you in a heart beat, so she can spill out her guts on how bad and terrible things are for her.

    I say you either send her long texts saying “hey i was there for you during your dads illnes, you breaks up, your anxiety attacks and all the other countless times you needed. When I needed you there all you did was be cold, distant, and not there for me as a friend like I have been to you throughout our friendship. “

    She dropped you like a sack of potatoes, and never reciprocated in this relationship, it’s time to tell her you are done with her.

    What’s the point in keeping toxic bad apples in your life when they have no benefits for you in anyway or form? Friends come and go, no need to live a trouble life full of hate, hurt and drama when you can just make new friends who actually act like a true friend should.

    #848328 Reply
    avatarMiss MJ

    It’s not wrong to be upset, but I’m not sure what you can really do about it. It’s not like she’s going to suddenly start responding to you and apologize if you confront her and demand an apology or whatever. This friendship has run its course, and it sounds like it’s for the better. It sucks, but it happens. Stop reaching out to this person. Focus on people who actually respond to you and reciprocate your friendship. And, stop asking your ex boyfriend what he thinks of your life. It just creates drama. Weeding out the people in your life who treat you poorly will make you feel so much better.

    #848340 Reply

    This is a lesson learned the hard way. A friend who takes and takes and never gives is no friend at all. You were a convenient person to use and the time you invested in her was time you didn’t use to build better friendships with other people.

    Dump her and never look back. When she breaks up with her boyfriend and suddenly wants to be your best friend refuse to get together. Don’t answer her texts. You owe her nothing and you deserve far better. Try to meet nicer people and spend your time around them. Maybe through theater or maybe through a job or some other activity.

    It’s okay to be upset. Being upset is a way of telling yourself you haven’t been treated right. Don’t let it consume you but do let it tell you to move on and never look back.

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