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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Best friend or foe

Home Forums Advice & Chat Best friend or foe

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #1101395 Reply
    myworld
    Participant

    So I have been friends with my best friend for over 25 years and last February she set me up with her future brother-in-law as a ‘friend with benefits’. Within weeks of her setting me up with him after realising we were really great together, but because of circumstances won’t ever be together long term she started trying to sabotage what we had. Firstly, telling her future-MIL nasty and malicious things about me and then secondly, her own family and friends. Word has got back to me and I spoke to my FwB about it and he thinks I should just cut her off. My problem is, now I’m not sure if he is saying that to benefit him because he may be scared there could be repercussions when we eventually stop seeing each other, in terms of her stirring the pot, or because he feels that my past abusive relationships are clouding my judgment on the way people treat me, making excuses for their behaviour as I have made excuses as to why she is doing it.

    I think I’m not addressing it because of my lack of assertion, it has really hurt me the way she has talked about me but I can’t bring myself to confront her about it or cut her off and so now I’m making excuses for her.

    What do I do :/ please help x

    #1101400 Reply
    Hazel
    Participant

    Ok. maybe i am not getting this straight, but my reading is (and I am having a shit day so may not have got this correct) your friend has set you up as a fwb with the person who is due to marry their sibling. This is really toxic. Unless I am somehow really misreading this you should disengage from all involved.What good could possibly come of this?

    #1101410 Reply
    myworld
    Participant

    No no, she has set me up as a FWB with her partners single brother.

    #1101411 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    This seems strange to me, but perhaps it’s the current thing. Why would she try to set her best friend up as an in-laws fbw? If she thought the two of you were a good match, why not set you and him up for a date and let the two of you decide what you want to be to each other?

    Sounds like she may have gotten after-the-fact pushback from members of her family and wants to put the blame on you or prevent you from having future interactions with her family, in case her real role came out in conversation. Weird, but some families are weird.

    #1101412 Reply
    Bittergaymark
    Guest

    What are the circumstances you speak of? Which of you is married? (Best guess.) At any rate — Not knowing the circumstances leaves me with no real opinion. Although, I agree. This whole scenario seems “off.”

    #1101413 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    Stop having sex with her future BIL. Back away and obviously, it’s really terrible but she’s not your best friend anymore. I’m sorry. Were there warning signs she was highly erratic or manipulative or cunning? Probably.

    On to bigger and better things next year, right?

    #1101415 Reply
    Helen
    Guest

    I don’t think you should cut your best friend of 25 years because some dude you barely know says to. Sounds like he’s covering up his own bad behavior by keeping you away from her. You say you’re not assertive, is that a nice way of saying you’re a doormat? You have to have a conversation with your friend. Ask her why, or if she even did, say those things about you. Was there a kernel of truth in what she said? Doesn’t make the slander less wrong, but definitely makes it sting more. Stop sleeping with this dude. Hold out for someone who can fully be with you. Very curious what is preventing that with him. But right now you’re just wasting time with him. And he sounds sketchy

    #1101416 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    He does sound sketchy.

    If you have a past of abusive relationships…is it possible this BIL doesn’t have your best interests at heart? He literally just met you and probably has little concern for any impact on your life or circumstances. Generally, we fall into the same relationship patterns until we consciously choose to make a change.

    He’s not a good guy and you should want more from men, not less- to get over past abusive relationships. (And therapy is great, too!)

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