Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

BF has had dozens of “casual” relationships and still keeps in contact

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  • #876171 Reply
    avatargolfer.gal
    Guest

    It also tells you he has no qualms about putting future partners through the same ordeal the LW has gone through, or even reinfecting her. After seeing firsthand how awful it was for her.

    #876174 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    I don’t really understand the ultimatum. For it to work, he’d have to fear the consequences. He’d have to know you would leave. He knows you won’t, because of what you’ve already shown yourself willing to put up with. And he’s already shown YOU that he doesn’t care about your emotional or physical well-being.

    So what does an ultimatum accomplish? Maybe he decides it’s worth the inconvenience of going to the campus health clinic so as not to lose the regular sex right now. And then you have a boyfriend who doesn’t care about your emotional and physical well-being but decided that right now he’d rather have the sure-thing regular sex than not. That’s really it.

    More likely he doesn’t go get tested within the timeframe you set, and then you have to leave. Because if you ever set an ultimatum and don’t follow through then you’re fucked. So you leave, and that’s the best outcome here really. He’s gross.

    #876606 Reply
    avatarmellanthe
    Participant

    It’s great news that there was nothing seriously wrong on your test. But you’re right to ask him to get tested – he could have things that you haven’t caught yet. It’s not your fault you guys didn’t use barrier protection – it takes two. And since he knew he’d slept with everything female that moved, it’s up to him to protect partners, not for his partners to be mind readers about how long ago he tested.

    It’s deffo a red flac that he’s really digging in his heels about getting tested- anyone who is sexually active needs to be prepared to ‘check in’ every time they change partners (preferably before).

    But as others have said, an ultimatum only works if you stick to it. If he doesn’t get tested, would you really want to stay and take those risks with a man who won’t check himself? And as you pointed out, you’re having other issues in your relationship beside that.

    His friends are not the main issue here. But exes or not, his friends should be inclusive of you. If they aren’t – if they are freezing you out, that’s a warning sign that either they have feelings for him they haven’t addressed, or they don’t like you. It sounds like he may be leading on a lot of exes if there are all these friends who are hostile to his girlfriend. That kind of thing would be a dealbreaker for me, because hostility from your SO’s friends is tring and will be a major issue for the rest of your relationship.

    #876620 Reply
    avatarTui
    Member

    It’s good you are having follow up with your doctor and I would recommend a repeat sti screen and have the Gardasil vaccine against high risk HPV if you haven’t already had the course. Some things don’t show up immediately on tests, for instance a chlamydia PCR may not be positive until 3 weeks post infection. Also get a HIV test and encourage your boyfriend to have one as well as a full sti screening.

Viewing 4 posts - 49 through 52 (of 52 total)
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