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Dear Wendy

Bf still in touch with ex

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  • #853683 Reply

    My boyfriend of 4 years now, started contacting his ex. They work for the same company but different countries. So when they were in a relationship it was long distance relationship. His ex is married, but she isnt happily married so she had this serious affair with my bf before I met him (She is still married)
    When him and I met, he had broken up with his girlfriend, but a couple months after she came back in the scene. We were casually dating back then.

    Anyways, long story short I ended up finding that he was cheating on me (1 yr after). We decided to keep the relationship and he broke up with her, telling her he was in love with me. It took a long time to heal from that phase for me and for the relationship.

    I gave that background info because I am looking for guidance and help. So through work and some common projects they had virtual interaction for work, which I was okay with. But then aside from work there was no interaction between them. (last yr)

    My bf and I have been going through another rough patch where because we have been fighting etc and since we live more like a married couple I guess. But couple weeks back she messaged him that her brother died and my bf made a new skype account to add her and get in touch. He did not tell me he was talking to her. Hes been pushing her to call him anytime if she needs a shoulder and vent off. They have been interacting through work often. I found out one day when i saw her email on my bf work computer. I confronted him and it turned into a huge fight. He said he has no intention of getting back with her but he will not stop talking because he is not doing anything wrong. I questioned if theyre just co workers then why did he hide it from me? and this girl is not some ex because he cheat on me with her! When I found his new skype I blocked his ex from there.

    He changed all his passwords today because he said I have hurt his trust and so I dont have any access to his personal computer or any electronic because I went in and blocked his ex there. I told him “well now he knows what it feels like when someone hurts their trust because you have done that to me so many times by cheating and lying”. I also said that what I
    understand from this is that he has something going on and his intentions are not right because he should be able to talk to her infront of me and why he wants to interact behind my back is that his intentions are not right. So I added that I will contact your ex and sort her out myself, but dont push me to go that route.

    Im so confused, I dont know what to do. Should I confront her and tell her family she wont back off and keeps coming back like that?

    #853696 Reply

    No, you shouldn’t confront her and her family. That’s just childish. If the relationship isn’t working for you, you end the relationship.

    You can’t force someone to be faithful to you, no matter how many times you block other women and create a scene with his ex’s family and scream at him because he’s talking to her. If he wants to be with her, he will.

    If you don’t trust him to be faithful, if you believe he wants to be with her, why are you still with him?

    #853699 Reply

    Breakup with him!

    He cheated on you and now he’s prioritizing her feelings over yours.

    HE BROKE YOUR TRUST WHEN HE CHEATED. You were still working through it, and he’s chosen to be her emotional support person. Let that sink in. He’s not holding up his part of the bargain. He’s not a good partner.

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