BF Won’t Perform Oral

[Kate Smith]

Well, a coda to this story.

You all helped me gain some courage, so I told him. He….did not take it well. He stormed out, saying “good luck getting better sex with some guy with a shorter ****.”

So, yeah, this relationship is over.

I guess now I just really hope he’s wrong. I mean, he is, right? Do people have better sex with less-endowed partners than with more? Maybe I have been conditioned by porn too, but I hope this happens?

[Tui]

The whole point of good sex is mutual pleasure and your now ex sounds like he has never taken that on board. Did he expect oral sex from you but never returned the favour? You absolutely can and should get pleasure from less endowed partners that actually want you to have a good time, rather than using you as a receptacle.

[Cleopatra_30]

As others have said it would be important to do some more research yourself, here are a couple resources to get started:

https://sexualityresources.com/category/ask-the-sex-educator/orgasms//

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/female-sexual-dysfunction/expert-answers/female-orgasm/faq-20058215

https://www.thesexed.com/blog/2018/9/3/female-orgasms-101

As a personal antidote, I have slept with a number of men who have had various sizes and shapes and rarely was I able to orgasm through penetration. Clitoral stimulation or other manual stimulation was my best bet. Understanding yourself first and how YOU can get yourself off is a huge way to better inform your partners. Masturbation, use of sex toys (bullet vibrators, or other vibrators) can help your exploration. That helped me a lot in my own personal growth in sex.

[ktfran]

You and your (now ex?) are concentrating too much on size. I’ve had sex with men with a variety of penis sizes. Long, fat, tiny, average. The only two times I didn’t care for the sex was the man with a super thick penis and the man with a tiny penis. Those both end up being one time deals. Honestly though, that was probably more the person than the penis size.

If you orgasm more by clitoral stimulation, size shouldn’t matter. Positions help. Try different positions. Tell your partner to slow down so you can do some experimentation with what feels best.

Hands, oral and toys has already been covered.

[anonymousse]

Selfish lovers are the worst. You’re better off without an asshole attached to a big dick, trust me.

You do need to get comfortable with your body, what makes you orgasm. Masturbate. Figure out what you want and don’t settle for a guy who won’t take your pleasure as a direct challenge. Come as you are by Emily Nagoski is a good read.

I don’t think size equates to better sex. Skill, practice, patience, communication and the ability to take feedback makes a good lover. You want someone who wants to make you orgasm, and who will work to make you happy. That guy was not it, and I do believe you will have much better sex with someone else.

[PassingBy]

“70% need clitoral stimulation to orgasm? Wow, I never knew that, and that helps me feel more comfortable bringing this up.”

Even if that were they case, you should feel comfortable bringing it up because it’s what YOU need.

There is no shame in advocating for yourself, and if telling a guy what you want scares him off, he wasn’t the right sex partner for you.

[PassingBy]

“I guess now I just really hope he’s wrong. I mean, he is, right? Do people have better sex with less-endowed partners than with more? Maybe I have been conditioned by porn too, but I hope this happens?”

I feel like you’re reading the wrong thing into this.

People have better sex with partners who are invested in their pleasure. There’s no blanket rule on how penis size effects all women.

[Kate]

I have a feeling that, given how fixated this LW is on penis size, they’re a guy fishing for info. Nevertheless, the points people made are valid!

[Fyodor]

yeah, something about her posts and the dialogue reads as off for me

[ktfran]

Good call @Kate.

[anonymousse]

Damn, you’re good Kate! Good call. I couldn’t tell what it was but I knew this was weird. I don’t personally know any woman who needs “facts”/statistics of studied female orgasms? to think about their own sexual pleasure.

[Kate]

Also, the LW uses very clinical language that doesn’t seem consistent with how a young woman who’s never looked into these topics would speak. And women don’t really talk about the “aesthetics” of a penis, but I feel like men do. And then all the aggressive questioning here, sounds like it’s coming from a place of having no idea what the female orgasm is like and wanting to hear women talk about it. And finally, she doesn’t even seem upset about the breakup that just happened, it’s just, “will I be able to have enjoyable sex in the future,” like how would that be your primary concern at the moment, and why are we coming back AGAIN to the large penis issue?

[Author]

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