Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Birthday advice

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This topic contains 33 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by Copa Copa 5 months ago.

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  • #742734 Reply
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    Bellw97
    Member

    I have a friend who recently had a birthday. Several days prior to her birthday I had asked if she had plans in which she responded “not at the moment”. I offered an idea to go on a girls night out painting and asked her to pick a painting. If that was something she wanted to do. I didn’t really get much of a repsonses other than never done it, sounds fun. For my birthday she bought me a nice (too nice) of a gift which made feel awkward because it isn’t something I usually would give a person unless I am close with. She also paid for my dinner. Which was very nice. That’s something I usually do, do.well, She went out of town for her birthday weekend with her man. On her birthday I asked her again to which she responded her man had a surprise for her that night and since my husband and I did not get an invite we left it at. Her man took her out on a nice dinner. I just reoffered the painting idea and dinner again and said it was on me.I don’t want to come off as pushy or demanding of a time frame but how long should I wait. Its been a minute now since she or I have mentioned it. I’m feeling bad now because I didn’t do anything nice for her birthday and I kind of feel blown off. I tried. We were once okay close but we have sense fizzled out. Any thoughts or suggestions?

    #742737 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    It’s hard to tell what’s going on here. She could be not interested in the painting idea, but would be interested in dinner. She might not be interested in either. She might be interested in dinner but find it awkward to pick a date and then contact you and say, “This is when you can take me to dinner.” If you actually asked her to let you know when she wants to do it or picked a general time, then I guess I’d let it go. It’s her choice if she wants to spend money on someone and then not take them up on a dinner offer. If you were really vague before, then you could ask more specifically, “Let me know if you want to go next week.”

    But I’d stop pushing the painting thing. Dinner is something people universally like, but since you were the only one who ever brought up painting and it’s a very specific thing that people like or don’t like, then I’d guess she’s not into the idea.

    #742738 Reply
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    JD

    This is in no way helpful to LW but I will never understand the new phrase “been a minute” to indicate a long time. It is literally the opposite of what they mean. Weird to me. Occurred to me the other day. Not helpful…I’d ask one more time then drop it. It is nice to reciprocate but if she doesn’t want to take you up on it then let it go.

    #742749 Reply
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    BakerBabe

    I’m just confused why you can’t just invite her to a specific time and place for an nice dinner (you should just set those, not ask her what’s a good time or whatever) and meet her with a nice gift? All these logistical issues just get in the way. If the date and time you gave her don’t work she will just tell you.

    #742751 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    Wait. Is that a thing? Been a minute to mean taking a long time? I haven’t heard it used and so I literally thought this LW was upset because a full minute was passed and she hadn’t heard anything.

    Anyways, what BakeBabe and dino said. Offering a specific date and time is way easier to pin someone down.

    #742753 Reply
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    JD

    Sadly, it is a thing. I had a conference call the other day and when I dialed in it said “press pound or hashtag”. I died inside a little bit that day.

    #742756 Reply
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    Bellw97
    Member

    The expression been a minute means its been a long enough period of time since someone has gotten back to you. Yes, its an expression people use. And the painting place is a place you go and paint a picture and drink wine. I wanted her to pick out the painting since they have different ones on different nights, and since it was her bday celebration. I thought it would be fun. Her bday was over a week ago and I havent heard from her except that she would looked into it. I would hate to offer dinner and retract my initial offer. But I guess ill touch base with her again.

    #742757 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    You said the friendship fizzled out, so maybe that’s why she’s not responding about it?

    #742760 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    You don’t have to retract your offer, you can say, “oh, let’s just do dinner, that might be easier.”

    #742797 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Conference calls have always said “press the pound or hash key.” Not hashtag.

    I think she’s not into the painting thing. Maybe just say, hey, would love to take you out to dinner for your birthday, you free next Thursday or Friday? And leave it at that, you did all you could.

    #742799 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    I’ve never heard the been a minute phrase. I assumed she used her phone and autocorrect changed it from something like a month to a minute.

    I’m guessing she doesn’t care to do the painting but doesn’t want to tell you that. If you suggest something and don’t get an enthusiastic response you can assume the answer is no.

    Invite her to dinner one more time and offer a restaurant you know she will like.

    #742810 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    I have to admit that I’ve been invited to the paint/drinking thing and I just never want to go. With the right group I can see that it might be fun, but it sounds like she is in a pretty hot and heavy relationship, and I totally get not wanting to book hours one night for a belated b day thing.

    And if you truly have fizzled out as friends…stop asking her. You made an effort.

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