Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy


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  • #750054 Reply

    I’m seeing a therapist once a week. I’m practicing religious faith more by reading the bible. I’m practicing gratitude. I’m striving to stick to the Paleo diet. I still have goals for my children and things I work on all day. There is something about having a bunch of “successful” “religious” acquaintances who see nothing wrong with voting for the Trump administration. There something wrong about being surrounded by people who think nothing is wrong. I don’t think it’s good for me.

    I do take long term anxiety medication. Ironically, I’m scared to take Xanax because I’m scared of dependency issues. I’m embarrassed that I can spend half the night reading a boring book. I want to be a well rested fully-functioning mom. I think I’m less patient and goal-oriented when I don’t sleep. My younger child can be difficult and things are hard.

    #750055 Reply

    Well no, that’s probably not good for you, and neither is reading/watching news at night. Don’t do that.

    And when you take ambien, it doesn’t put you to sleep, it puts your brain into a state between sleeping and waking. If you don’t lie right down and fall asleep in 15 minutes, then you’re high and crazy. I have been there. There’s no comparison to diphenhydramine or what have you. It really alters your mental state. And maybe you’re having weird waking dreams about current events.

    Xanax is pretty fucked up too, but it’s better than Ambien obviously, because it’s what they use to get people OFF Ambien.

    This is serious stuff.

    #750056 Reply

    @Kate I think you’re right about the ambien.

    #750057 Reply

    Again, it’s not my opinion, it’s medical facts.

    What it did to my brain the one time I took it, scared the shit out of me. It’s for very temporary insomnia and that’s it. It’s never been a long term solution.

    I struggle with insomnia too, and I feel your pain, but it’s better to be drowsy and nap the next day than possibly not wake up ever again.

    Listen to CNN for 30 minutes at the top of the hour in the morning when you’re doing other things, and then STOP. No news at night.

    #750058 Reply

    It’s time to take a break from watching or reading the news, and see your doctor, or even a different doctor.

    From my knowledge, you shouldn’t be drinking if you are on most any kind of anxiety medication. Especially if you are already feeling down about the state of the world, or personal issues. Alcohol is a depressant.
    I’ve never taken ambien, but it sounds like you are not taking your medication as directed.

    I’m not judging you. But I do think you need to take even better care of yourself.

    Maybe you should avoid the acquaintances who love DT? Or not talk politics?

    #750071 Reply

    Thanks for the advice and encouragement all. I’ve always had depression/anxiety issues. I do need to stop conflating politics with moods.

    Sleep has always been hard for me.

    #750075 Reply

    You really do need to go to bed at the same time each night, not look at a screen for 30-60 minutes before going to sleep, have a hot bath or beverage, sleep in a dark, cool room, create quiet conditions, and all that sleep hygiene jazz. I prefer to just lie there with my eyes closed if I can’t sleep, but the other way is to get up, leave the bedroom, and do something quiet/boring in another room.

    Sleeping pills don’t really work and are dangerous. I think Xanax and Valium do work, but you can’t use them more than a couple nights a week without getting dependent.

    I understand feeling like shit the next day if you don’t sleep, and not being the best person you can be, but it’s not good for you or your family for you to be a drug addict either, or a drug abuser. Or dead. Read what happened to Michelle McNamara. And if you’re not working outside the home and your kids are in school, you can rest during the day some.

    This political situation is a ride we can’t get off of right now. So each day you need to gird your loins and buckle up and tell yourself you can handle it. Because you can.

    #750076 Reply

    Also, have you read “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” by Dale Carnegie? It’s an oldie but a must-read. I’m not saying it’s going to fix your mental health, but it is very comforting and helpful and the perfect thing to pick up and read in the night.

    #750077 Reply

    Agree- routine is your friend. Bedtime the same every night. Whatever isn’t done you will deal with the next day and will not cause the collapse of your world. Start earlier if you can to help wind down.

    Consider meditations on religion that are peaceful and meaningful to you. Don’t worry about anyone else’s flavor of religion. I’m not religious but a person who meets their maker, does so alone. They have to justify their behavior alone.

    Take some time when you close your eyes to focus on what happened that day that was good. It can be as simple as not spilling food on your white shirt or getting a stain out of your white shirt or simply accepting that you now get to buy a new white shirt (yay shopping). It can be a good hair day. A nice cup of coffee.

    Take a few minutes to appreciate the good things in your life. The sweet face of your kids when they sleep. Focus some time on what you can do the next day to improve your life. It doesn’t have to be big. It can simply be telling your kids – “You are awesome and I love you.” It could be tossing one piece of clutter. It doesn’t have to be anything. It could simply be making it through the day.

    When my mind starts racing sometimes I conjure up a picture of an old old old VHS machine. I press the eject button. I pop out the tape and I “put in” a new tape of my personal meditations. The ones that help me get to sleep. You can train yourself and your brain to behave better. You have to do some work, but it will pay off eventually.

    You’ll get through this and I’m sorry that you’re having a rough time.

    #750082 Reply

    I want to echo meditation. It sounds cheesy, but my favorite part of yoga is the wind down. I took the deep breathing and mind clearing techniques I learned there and applied it to my bed time ritual for nights I can’t shut my mind down/need help falling to sleep.

    And definitely do not read the news before bed.

    #750983 Reply

    Thank you all for the kind, supportive advice. I’ve been taking it. I’ll have to get How to stop worrying and start living. I know I need to make some major sleep hygiene changes. Once I’m more sure about things I may switch my bedroom around. BTW Lis, we have successfully been putting things in our donation bin and making a family trip to goodwill followed by eating out together once a week. My husband and I are in flux right now. I’m thinking about sending my kids to private school next year and there may be some other big changes/moves. Life is always in constant transition which makes night rituals all the more important.

    #751198 Reply

    Hi Kate

    Took an ambian tonight. I’m posting here to keep myself honest. I bought the Carnegie book. I’ve just finished A Higher Loyalty. I’m going to read some scripture and then push into it.

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