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Dear Wendy

Boyfriend and stripclubs

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Viewing 12 posts - 121 through 132 (of 136 total)
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  • #684963 Reply
    Elzee
    Guest

    I don’t think there are a lot of guys on here so this may be futile- but he keeps insisting that it was all a “joke”. Getting group lapdances with your friends at a bachelor party, yes I can see how that would be a “joke” and everyone is just laughing at each other. Going into a private room and fondling another woman’s breasts? Can’t possibly think of a scenario where that’s a joke.

    #684966 Reply
    bagge72
    Participant

    It’s not a joke. He’s just scared so he is saying whatever he thinks is going to calm you down.

    #684969 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Nope, it’s not like that. I’ve definitely seen enough to know that. Not a joke.

    #684974 Reply
    Fyodor
    Guest

    “I don’t think there are a lot of guys on here so this may be futile- but he keeps insisting that it was all a “joke”. Getting group lapdances with your friends at a bachelor party, yes I can see how that would be a “joke” and everyone is just laughing at each other. Going into a private room and fondling another woman’s breasts?”

    Do you know that he was doing that?

    #684977 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    I think what he meant was, “it was fun.” To be honest, the fact that he would say to you that looking at naked women and letting them grind on him is ha-ha funny, and that you’d give that any credibility, is really disturbing.

    #685001 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Guest

    I think the most relevant part of this issue is that your boyfriend avoids tough discussions by lying. He avoids having to have a tough talk by pretending to be what he thinks you want him to be. You can’t have a long term relationship if one partner refuses to have the rough conversations. Does he do this with other topics? Is this the only area where he is avoidant or do you see bits of it in other areas? The lies just compounded the issue that was already there. If an issue is a dealbreaker people should just let it be a dealbreaker because sooner or later it will come out and then it will have to be dealt with at that time plus there is the issue of lies and trust. It is irrelevant whether everyone else things strip clubs are good or bad. What matters to you is whether you and your boyfriend can reach a comfortable agreement on strip clubs. What matters to you is whether you can trust him or whether you will constantly wonder if he is telling the truth. Do you see your boyfriend routinely lie to other people? If he does you will know that he will routinely lie to you too. If he doesn’t then you are in a much better position. Trust is an essential part of the foundation of a lasting relationship. I wouldn’t move forward with this relationship until you trust him completely.

    #685005 Reply
    Telegrammar
    Guest

    I had an argument about this once with a guy who said MEN have female strippers is like when WOMEN have male strippers and “joke” around about it.

    To me (and maybe this is a double standard), women joking around with male strippers is VERY DIFFERENT from men having female strippers. Does anyone else think this?

    #685008 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    Cherries, whipped cream, candy.
    That was at a bachelor party my male friend attended at the club, and lived to tell the tale. They hired a private area for 10 or so guys. Fun times.
    My ex’s brother was a rep (kinda) for an oil company. He’d travel to every site they were drilling and take all the guys out, sparing no expense. You can imagine how nasty it gets when you have an unlimited budget and a bunch of horny guys.
    There are a lot of people who would do a lot of things for money.

    #685076 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Guest

    Honestly? As a gay guy I’ve been to both Bachelor and Bachelorette parties and have to say that I’ve seen some wow-over-the-top sexy play at parties by BOTH sexes. I mean both brides and grooms. Much more common though, I’ve seen both men and women simply thinking the whole thing is fucking hilarious…

    #685077 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Guest

    PS — Kate, you are WAY more hung up on this than I ever would have expected. You are kinda sorta way out to lunch on this one. Interesting.

    #685081 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Meh. I’m just bored, and I think this whole thing is absurd.

    #685083 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    So what’s the real reason you’re upset LW?

    The lie?
    The lie because there were naked women who touched your bf?
    The thought that he might enjoy being inches away from a naked, gyrating woman who is not you?

    You are all over the place here.

    I suspect the initial discussion was no-win as in “so have you stopped beating your wife?” So, If it’s the straight up lying well couples counseling I guess, but I guess I just don’t see a strip club trip by a relatively trustworthy guy as a deal breaker.

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