Home › Forums › Advice & Chat › Boyfriend being so easy-going with older women
- This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by LisforLeslie.
My boyfriend (30) and I (24) have been together for year and a half. Our relationship is going well but there’s a thing that bothers me. The way he acts around some of his female acquaintances makes me think that he is into older women. He is very easy-going with them and talks as if I am not in the same room, even in a formal situation like at the doctor. There’s a woman who is his lawyer and she is always flirty with him and he acts like he likes it , compliments her and when I bring up that topic he says that he is not flirting and that he acts that way in order to stay on good terms with her. I thought that he was into younger girls given that he really liked me in the beginning. but it turns out that I was wrong.MojoGuest
Your last sentence is interesting: “I thought that he was into younger girls given that he really liked me in the beginning…”
He really liked you…in the beginning? But not now? Do you feel his interest in you is waning?
Ask yourself this: Is he an outgoing, friendly person who easily engages in conversations with others? If so, he is doing what is in his nature. He is enjoying conversations with others. Some will be male and some will be female and that’s okay and normal as long as he is respectful to you.
You didn’t say he was flirting with other women, just talking to them. Talking to other people is okay, regardless of whether they are male or female.
It is to be expected that he will talk to his lawyer. What sort of things does he compliment her on? Her work? Winning a case? Her figure? Complimenting a business associate on winning a case is just what people do in the workplace. Complimenting her figure is a red flag. If he says something like, “Your new hairstyle suits you,” it is likely harmless.
You say he talks to others as if you are not even in the room. The next time it happens, try this: Smile, introduce yourself to them, shake hands, and join the conversation. Express genuine interest in getting to know them. It’s fun!anonymousseParticipant
If you feel unloved and that he flaunts his flirtations in front of you (I’m not sure why he’d need to stay on his own lawyers good side? Is he in trouble?) why do you stay?
If he’s not giving you satisfactory answers and doesn’t stop flirting in front of you, you don’t have to keep seeing him if it makes you unhappy.ronGuest
Your letter is difficult to understand. When you say “I thought that he was into younger girls given that he really liked me in the beginning. but it turns out that I was wrong.” — do you mean you were wrong that he likes you, that he originally liked you but no longer does, or that you are astounded that he can get along well with an older woman?
Would you honestly feel better if he talked with younger women? I doubt it.
You don’t say how much older the women he talks to are, but even from a dating standpoint, it wouldn’t be unusual if his dating range was 24-36.
And he’s just talking. Friends and business associates can be any age. When I was 40 (and married) I enjoyed conversations with women, who were colleagues or in outside work activities, or friends of family and friends, over twenty years older and almost 20 years younger. Conversations with decades older or younger people can be extremely interesting, because they have vastly different life experiences and viewpoints. That’s one way to learn about people and the world.
It just seems beyond strange that the fact that your bf happily talks with older women would cause you to think that he really isn’t romantically interested in women your age or that he no longer is attracted to you.CopaParticipant
So you don’t mention how enmeshed your lives are, like if you’re living together or expecting a child together. Maybe I’ve missed something here, but why are you going to doctors and meeting with lawyers together? Like… it’s wholly inappropriate to flirt with either, even if you’re single, and both professions are bound by rules of ethics so it’s weird to me that these are the two examples of older women with whom he is inappropriate…?
Anyway, I can’t tell based on what’s written here if he’s flirting or not or if you’re making something out of nothing. But I do wonder if this relationship, one that started when you were 22-23 and he was 28-29, warrants a side-eye, especially if he’d voiced a preference for younger women.
If you don’t feel secure in this relationship, it’s okay to move on.LisforLeslieGuest
Something’s not jibing – perhaps because there are so many assumptions being thrown out. You said he’s being flirty, but he doesn’t perceive it as such. Can you give an example of him flirting? Smiling and being pleasant, making small talk or even cracking a joke is not necessarily flirting. How are his behaviors different than when talking to men?
A man likes you – who you are, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he has a type. And calling a woman who is his age – but older than you – does not make her an “older woman” to him. Just that she’s older than you. As is he.