Boyfriend is scared of having a future with me

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  • Samantha
    September 23, 2023 at 7:40 pm #1125641

    My boyfriend of almost 2 years now, who I was friends with for about 8 prior, recently told me while in a major argument, that he’s scared of marrying me, he’s scared of having a child with me, because of my “mood swings” and that he’s become detached over the past few months but still loves me and wants to be with me, but he’s tired of fighting and won’t fight with me any longer. This means this is nearing the end, doesn’t it?

    We were arguing because he was saying some comments on how men are better than women at everything (not in a jokey way where men & women might make little comments and not really mean it, no he meant it) and I disagreed with that, saying certain men COULD be better at things than certain women, just like certain women COULD be better at things versus certain men, and you can make really broad generalizations that might be accurate as a generalization in some areas, but there’s so many exceptions, and basically what on earth was he talking about. Except I was angry so I didn’t say what on earth haha. Anyways, he kept going on it and I was like look I don’t want to talk about this anymore, I think your opinions on this subject are really messed up and sexist and I don’t want to hear anymore of it because I’m just going to keep getting angry. And he then went on this whole huge thing about how I have these mood swings all the time over silly little things, and I always overreact, and he doesn’t feel like he can say things without me getting triggered and we should be able to talk freely. We went to bed angry, and then today after I said we’ve been having issues and need to work on things, and that I don’t feel like he’s as serious about me anymore (he used to talk about marrying me, having a kid with me, in the future, all the time), he confessed that he’s scared of marrying me & having a child with me because of my “mood swings” and how we fight “all the time”. So… he said he loves me and still wants to be with me, that he would’ve broken up with me months ago if he didn’t, but he’s scared of these future things we had talked about and quite frankly I was thinking were going to happen soon.

    I love & want my future with him, but I feel myself shutting down and feeling like this is going to end very soon. Does that what it seems like? When someone is “scared” of all those future things with you particularly after they supposedly wanted it, will it go back to normal and those things happening, or no? Does it just seem like he’s going to dump me soon and I should end things if he doesn’t?

    September 24, 2023 at 4:37 am #1125642

    I wrote a response and the page refreshed but no, he’s probably not going to imminently break up with you but nor is he ever going to marry you. You should get off this train wreck before it goes off the rails. He’s a sexist ass and you argue too much.

    September 24, 2023 at 5:53 am #1125643

    Wanted to add, it’s important to understand that it’s not true that a guy will break up with you if he doesn’t see a future with you. A lot of times they won’t because they don’t want to be the bad guy, so they’ll do what you see here, make ridiculous statements about men being better than women so he can then tell you you argue too much. He’s behaving like an ass and then YOU have to do the breakup.

    September 24, 2023 at 11:09 am #1125646

    Don’t marry, date, or have sex with overtly sexist men.

    It’s honestly that simple. His comments should be a dealbreaker.

    September 25, 2023 at 5:21 am #1125647

    It’s time to take off your rose colored glasses and see the red flag flying in front of you.

    He’s not going to break up with you because he expects you to change. And he’s going to do everything in his power to make you change to suit his needs. He needs someone who is obedient and understands that she can never be better, smarter, make more money, have different opinions, express frustration, regret or any other emotion other than complete and total satisfaction with him.

    Life is both short and long. Too long to live like that and too short to settle for being second in the relationship.

    Get out now, heal and find someone who actually wants a partner, not a bang-maid.

    September 25, 2023 at 7:57 am #1125655

    Wow, he’s a sexist jerk. That’s all you need to move on. You do not sound very mood swing-y to me, any person would get rightly pissed off if their partner was making huge sexist generalizations about their entire sex.

    If men are so superior at everything, he can enjoy their company without yours. You can free him up so he can spend all his time with the boys.

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    September 25, 2023 at 9:01 am #1125657

    Ew. What other commenters have said is spot on, but wouldn’t YOU prefer a future with a man who isn’t sexist, doesn’t think he’s better than you, and doesn’t think you’re tOo EmOtIoNal? I think instead of focusing on the reasons he doesn’t want a future with you, you should take a few big steps back and ask yourself if he is what you want for your future. I know it’s hard to walk away when you love someone, but this guy is waving a bright red flag in your face that you’d be foolish to ignore.

    September 27, 2023 at 10:56 am #1125682

    He’s doesn’t want to marry you. He’s gaslighting you so you think it’s your fault that he doesn’t want to marry you.

    “And he then went on this whole huge thing about how I have these mood swings all the time over silly little things, and I always overreact, and he doesn’t feel like he can say things without me getting triggered and we should be able to talk freely.”
    “he’s scared of marrying me & having a child with me because of my “mood swings” and how we fight “all the time”.”

    He picked a fight with you by saying something deliberately inflammatory, demeaning, and sexist, escalated it until you called him out, then turned around and accused you of overreacting, then said he is scared to commit because you “overreact” to silly fights that he picks with you. Is that about right? My bet is that every week or two, he picks a fight to prove that you will “overreact” and golly gee, LW, he just can’t get married to someone who won’t be steamrolled by his bullshit! He’s hoping eventually you’ll just let him get away with whatever bullshit he wants, until you’re so worn down that you also won’t be “pressuring” him about marriage. I’d walk – this guy is a turd.

    October 18, 2023 at 2:19 am #1126283

    Vathena is right, but you can test it by keeping cool when he tries to rile you up. I was always the “over-emotional” one in my marriage: it’s been almost 10 years, but I still remember the look of bewilderment on my ex’s face the first Time I DIDN’T Rise to his bait. So powerful!

    October 18, 2023 at 10:16 am #1126288

    No, don’t stay around and test this. He’s an asshole.

    October 19, 2023 at 5:15 am #1126298

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    October 19, 2023 at 5:17 am #1126299

    When you feel like your life is in a mess, you may want to make some adjustments.

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Boyfriend is scared of having a future with me

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