- This topic has 11 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 seconds ago by Ricky.
- June 27, 2020 at 5:12 am #890971KateGuest
So I recently discovered my boyfriend has been liking so many different girls Instagram pictures. It seems he only likes them when they’re a body picture or a selfie of them alone, none where another boy is concerned etc. Amongst the many girls he does it to are girls that he has had past sexual relations with, when I said something about it the other day the outcome was that I was crazy. I know he loves me and other than this I have no reason to not trust him but it just feels so disrespectful and I know he is not going to stop any time soon.
What do you think? Am I being dramatic or is my partner in the wrong?June 27, 2020 at 7:58 am #890979KateKeymaster
I’m more concerned that he called you “crazy.”
It’s totally fine and normal and reasonable to tell your boyfriend that it makes you uncomfortable when he likes everyone’s bikini pics and you wish he wouldn’t. It’s not okay for his response to be that you’re crazy. Fuck that. Respect is lacking here. You should move on.June 27, 2020 at 8:34 am #890981anonymousseParticipant
Kate is right. The outcome is not that you are crazy. He said that to you. That’s does not have to be the end of the discussion.
Be clear with how you feel, and don’t let him minimize or dismiss that.
“I feel disrespected that you like these sexy bikini pics of women you used to sleep with. It makes me feel uncomfortable and sad.”
I think if he was a good boyfriend, and he really did love you- he would not want to continue to do something that he knows makes you feel disrespected or bad. You’re not telling him to stop looking, you’re asking him to stop liking the images. And he’s calling you crazy.June 27, 2020 at 11:35 am #890998EssieParticipant
Calling you crazy for simply saying you were uncomfortable with him photos is a dealbreaker, IMO. It’s like a cliche of the asshole boyfriend.
He knows it hurts you, and you know he’s not going to stop. You feel disrespected. And he is being disrespectful. A man who doesn’t respect you doesn’t love you, even if he says I love you 20 times a day.
You can do so much better than this jerk.June 27, 2020 at 8:04 pm #891046BittergaymarkGuest
Eh, are some human beings really still trying to police their significant others social media in 2020.
It never works.June 28, 2020 at 10:14 am #891087bloodymediocrityParticipant
There isn’t a universal answer to this this question – every person in a relationship gets to decide their own boundaries. Personally, in my relationship, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal for either of us. But that’s for us to decide, and it doesn’t have any impact on you.
If you don’t like it, that’s your prerogative and your boyfriend should be able to at least respect that and talk to you reasonably about it, even if he doesn’t agree with it. But instead he just called you crazy.
You should be aware that if he were to stop clicking that “like” button that doesn’t mean he’s going to stop finding other women attractive, nor does it have any impact on whether he’s more likely to cheat or not. I think it’s worth reflecting on why this bothers you so much. Has he given you reason to believe he would be unfaithful in other ways, or is this exclusively your insecurity talking? I’m guessing yes, since his reaction to your questioning was so gas-lighty and defensive.June 28, 2020 at 5:14 pm #891131ronGuest
He’s very impolitely told you he isn’t going to change and he isn’t going to talk about it. As someone else said, it doesn’t matter whether or not we think it’s important or would do it (I wouldn’t, but I’m also not into social media). So, this is 100% uo to LW. Is liking the pictures of hot girls and calling you crazy when you want to talk about it a deal breaker for you. If it is, then break up with him. You can’t make him be the person you hope he was. If you want a different personality, then you have to break-up and keep trying to find that right guy. This guy is your bf, not your husband. This relationship doesn’t have to continue. It’s never going to be easier to end it than it is now, if you decide that these are deal-breakers. If this is totally unacceptable to you, don’t waste any more time trying to remake your bf. Not possible.June 29, 2020 at 1:52 pm #891215SMGuest
I had an ex boyfriend who posted a picture from his “memories’ on Facebook, that was of 2 girls in bikinis basically rubbing their privates on his legs. They were friends of his, that I knew and he had no sexual past with. But I texted him privately and simply said that the picture didn’t seem appropriate to share while being in a relationship. He apologized and deleted it from his timeline. I’m sure he didn’t permanently delete it and that’s not what I was asking for. We aren’t together anymore, but the way he handled it was okay.June 29, 2020 at 3:26 pm #891224EssieParticipant
I should clarify that my reaction was to him calling her crazy. Personally, I wouldn’t care if my BF was liking exes photos on social media. If he used social media. I trust him, and I know I can’t make him stay by policing his internet use. Either he wants to be with me, or he doesn’t.
The “you’re crazy” thing is so obnoxious, so arrogant, so disrespectful, so cliche, that I don’t think I could get past it.
June 30, 2020 at 1:53 pm #891321mellantheParticipant
- This reply was modified 6 days, 1 hour ago by Essie.
It’s inconsiderate of him to go cruising social media for hot pictures of women he’s slept with, and I can see why it’d make you feel insecure. Every relationship has its own boundaries – but they need to be agreed. This means you have to be able to discuss it with him if you feel his behaviour crosses a boundary.
It’d be wrong to ask him to never look at a sexy picture of a woman ever again, but a lot of couples operate on a certain level of discretion to ensure that their partner doesn’t feel uncomfortable.
For some couples, leaving a noticeable trail on social media that you’ve been thirsting over hot pictures of exes is kind of tacky – I suspect you feel that other people can also see that, and that it shows a lack of respect for you. Some people would have an issue with a partner posting/liking any pictures of uh… scantily clad hotties whilst others wouldn’t care. some couples talk about stuff like that all the time – and that’s cool.
It’s more worrying that he minimises your feelings about it and calls you crazy. If you both disagree on the boundaries of your monogamy or sexual behaviour (and relationship to exes) that’s fine and might mean that you have to reconsider whether you can be together if you can’t find a compromise both can accept. But there should be no space for name calling.July 1, 2020 at 4:50 pm #891453BessMarvinGuest
I think your boyfriend’s reaction to you talking to him about this sucks, and you should probably dump anyone who calls you crazy when you try to discuss a reasonable issue.
That said, though… how did you “discover” that your boyfriend’s been liking all these pictures? If you don’t also follow these women, how are you monitoring what kind of photos he’s liking? If you’re digging around in his social media to find out what he’s liking etc., that is an overstep IMHO.July 5, 2020 at 5:06 pm #892201RickyGuest
I second what BitterGayMark said. My belief is that just because you are committed to one partner doesn’t mean that you don’t find anyone else attractive. You do come across as controlling in this case. But he hasn’t done anything to alleviate your fears. May be you need to dump him, work on your issues and find a nice, hot new boyfriend.