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Boyfriend misrepresented age

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  • #861468 Reply
    avatarAlyssa
    Guest

    Over 2 months dating my boyfriend, he referenced am experience from 1996 that couldn’t have happened that way for his age. Tinder said he was 31, but he is 41. He did not try to hide it or deny it when asking him. He thought I knew. He seemed fearful that I may end things over the age, but reassured him that I am not. I am 29. He said he gets along better with under 35, so he changed it for the algorithm matching.

    He is right, we would not have matched, but I don’t want to end things now. So far this is one of the best relationships I ever had. I love him and I am glad we are together. One of my friends said that even with the false pretenses on Tinder, he was honest with ME and made no attempt to cover it up, and his fear that I might leave him shows that his love is genuine. I am ok this far in with the age difference. Seeking additional thoughts.

    #861469 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    My additional thought is he’s sketchy. You have to be sketch to misrepresent your age by 10 YEARS online just to date very young women. Sorry. And no he was not “honest” with you. He just slipped up.

    Is it a felony? No. Is he shady? Yes. Will you find out he lied about bigger things? Probably.

    #861471 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    He started this all off by lying. “He thought I knew.” No, he’s hoping you believe that additional lie. He knew what he had on his profile. His fear that you will dump him doesn’t prove his love at all. He was afraid from the beginning about his age. He knows he can’t get young women by being honest. It has nothing to do with his supposed love for you. Two months in, and lying from the beginning.

    When he says he gets along better with women more than five years younger than him, he’s really telling you that he is immature for his age and that women his age can see through his bullshit.

    #861472 Reply
    CopaCopa
    Participant

    I’m a little confused. He didn’t tell you how old he really is for two months, right? That’s not being honest with you. That’s shady. Maybe — maybe! — if he’d told you right away it wouldn’t seem shady. But he didn’t tell you until you realized a story didn’t add up.

    I did see a few dating app profiles where a guy’s age wasn’t his actual age. In the profile, there would be a clarification that also said something like, “Tinder won’t let me change my age on here. I am actually X years old.” I never knew if that was a real thing. But at least potential dates would know up-front their real age.

    If you’re not ready to break up over this, I say treat this as a red flag and proceed with caution.

    #861473 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    If he were playing with his stats just for matching he’d correct it in the text of his profile.

    #861474 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Yeah, to be crystal clear, he did not “think you knew.”

    If he wasn’t shady, his profile would have clarified he’s 41, or he would have told you immediately.

    #861475 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    Ten years is a lot. Its one thing to take a few years off or add an inch to your height or something. I don’t approve, but it’s not the worst thing in the world. Ten years is a huge difference in terms of life stage and the expectations of people dating you.

    It may be that he is in all other respects honest, but I would treat this as a major major warning sign.

    #861476 Reply
    avatarAlyssa
    Guest

    My friend didn’t like him giving a different age, but she also said I seem happier than I’ve been in several years. He is very good to me.

    #861480 Reply
    avatargolfer.gal
    Guest

    Except he absolutely did cover it up for 2 months and only came clean when he had to because he was caught and he knew it. He then lied to you AGAIN by saying he thought you knew. How the fuck would you have known? He admitted to being scared you’d leave, but was simultaneously not scared because he thought you already knew? That makes no sense and is total bullshit.

    Are you sure he’s 41? As in you looked at his driver’s license? A 41 year old dude that lies in order to date twenty something women usually has issues with honesty and maturity. Or he seeks out young women who will put up with bullshit women his age will know to walk away from. You wouldn’t be dumping him because of the age difference. You’d be dumping him for lying and then lying again when he was caught.

    #861481 Reply
    CopaCopa
    Participant

    Yeahhh, good guys don’t lie and then lie again to cover up the original lie.

    It doesn’t really matter, at the end of the day, if your friend thinks his lie is forgivable or a sign that he’s generally dishonest or otherwise not who he is holding himself out to be. How do YOU feel about it? My guess is not great since you’re polling a group of online strangers for opinions. He’s not the only guy out there who can make you happy.

    But, you already seem a little defensive and are justifying his behavior. So, good luck!

    #861482 Reply
    avatarKylie
    Guest

    Sorry to break it to you girl, but I think that is sketchy as well. The fact that he went on two months pretending to be 10 years younger is odd, as he should have just told you within the first couple of dates. The fact that he just assumed that you knew is super weird and manipulating. I would be careful. Maybe you’re happy, but what happens if you find out he’s going behind your back? What happens if he possibly gets tired of you and wants to be with a woman younger than you? You have to understand that whether you are ‘happy’ or not, you have to look at the signs and realize that he hid a major detail out for two months, whether you have a problem with his age or not, just because he was afraid you’d leave him. What else will he leave out just because he’s scared you’ll leave him? Big red flag, better be on your game.

    #861483 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    That’s really extraordinary that he’s been good to you during a whopping 2 months of dating.

    No it’s not.

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