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Dear Wendy

Boyfriend misrepresented age

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  • #861495 Reply

    Thank God no woman has EVER lied about her age…

    #861496 Reply

    He’s been lying to you for two months and then also lied to excuse his lie. That’s not being great to you. Not to mention, being good to you should be the bare minimum expectation from someone you’ve dated for 8 weeks. You barely know him and some of what you though you knew was a lie.

    #861497 Reply

    I….would be uncomfortable with it. A year or two, meh. But ten years? And he didn’t tell you for two months, and only told you because he slipped and you caught him. So yes, he did hide it, and apparently planned to continue hiding it.

    OK, lying about your age is fairly innocuous. But there are couple of things about why he lied and how he handled it that are blazing red flags.

    1) He said didn’t fess up because he was afraid he’d lose you. Your friend is wrong. That’s not true love, that’s childishness. That’s a little boy who hides the broken dish under the bed because mommy might get mad. That’s a guy who’ll keep uncomfortable truths from you to avoid a fight. So you won’t hear about the overdraft at the bank, or that he forgot to submit his medical insurance paperwork and he’s not covered. He won’t tell you when he finds out he’s going to be laid off in two months.

    2) He said he used a fake age because he gets along better with younger women. That ties right into the first red flag. A guy who’s specifically looking for a much younger woman…something’s off there.
    That’s not the same as falling for someone you’ve met who happens to be younger. He’s excluding women who are even close to his own age. Why?

    I get that you’re thoroughly attached and thoroughly smitten, but keep your eyes open with this one.

    #861501 Reply

    Yeah it’s super sketch. Also, 2 months is nothing. I’m not saying you can’t know you love someone in 2 months necessarily but it’s fast. He’s also lied, twice. Why couldn’t he get along with women closer to his own age? If you had met organically and later found out he was 41, that’s one thing, but him purposefully changing his age by 10 years is a major red flag.

    If you really want to see how it goes, keep dating him, but ask to see his driver’s license.

    #861506 Reply

    He’s also now proven himself to be a man who will hide from you things he knows/suspects are dealbreakers. He’s also proven that he’ll make up ridiculous, implausible excuses when caught that basically put the blame on you and minimize his responsibility. So, yeah, have fun with that.

    #861516 Reply

    LW, i’m so sorry that this man turned out to be someone who 1) lies 2) only wants a younger woman (something you fit now but won’t fit forever).

    OF COURSE you’re happy, it’s only been two months it’s the honeymoon stage. Now that you’re a little emotionally invested it’s harder to have some clarity and see this situation for what it is.

    MOA. To be clear, you shouldn’t dump him because of his age, you should dump him for how he lied and then continued to handle the situation poorly when you called him out.

    #861522 Reply

    He lied, why are you defending him? Do you really want a relationship with someone who starts out lying to you?

    #861524 Reply

    He’s a liar. That’s what you know about him. He lies to get what he wants. He lies to manipulate younger women into dating him. Once you know he lies to you assume that he will lie any time he thinks you won’t like the truth. That’s what he has shown you about himself. He hides the truth if it might prevent him from getting what he wants.

    You will always have to wonder if he is being honest.

    #861526 Reply

    Yeah-I fall into the “If he lied about this,what else has he or will lied about?” Proceed with caution. If you find/come upon even one more untruth-then moa.

    #861530 Reply

    The excuse he gave was that he gets along better with people under 35. You know what that is…. A lie. What he’s really saying is a variation on the following themes:

    1. Women my age are too old.
    2. Women my age have too much baggage – like kids or divorces
    3. Women my age are too opinionated, strong willed or set in their ways.

    That’s what you should be worried about. Now that the cat is out of the bag, does he act like he knows more than you? Does he tell you that he knows best or smirks if you don’t know something? Does he regale you with his experiences while diminishing yours? If so… just walk away.

    #861531 Reply

    My friend says that if all he wanted was dates he would not have been so afraid, he would have just moved on. The fear comes from somewhat deep feelings. So she says.

    I will be cautious. We have all told lies. We need to talk more. I will make a mistake and want forgiveness. I will look to see if this is a pattern. My friend thinks that maybe I should be open to older men. One time I can forgive, but I won’t be able to deal with another one.

    #861532 Reply

    My husband and I had a misunderstanding about age when we first started dating. I thought he was older and he thought I was younger. The big difference is there wasn’t any deliberate misleading going on so no reason to be wary. I think you at least need to start watching your BF with a bit more skepticism. You know he can easily lie to you now so put that guard up a bit.

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