- November 26, 2019 at 3:31 pm #861550SkyblossomParticipant
He wasn’t lying because he loved you and was afraid to lose you. He started the lie before he knew about you. He lied to manipulate young women into dating him. It was pure manipulation to get dates with women who preferred to not date men his age.
He lies to manipulate. He lies to get what he wants even though he knows you want something different. If he had been honest you wouldn’t have dated him so instead of respecting your wishes he pretended to be someone else. You can’t respect someone and their wants by lying to appear to be what they want. That’s pure disrespect.
Let’s list what you know about him.
He doesn’t respect you.
Now you have to wonder about everything else he tells you. Is his job really his job? Does he work as many hours as he says he does or does he say he’s at work when he is out doing other things. Is he only seeing you, and even if he is, if another young woman came along would he lie to you about what he was doing and go to see her? Does he lie about his income? Does he lie about his family? Does he lie about his past relationships? Does he lie about his finances? You can’t know most of these things. He could say his truck is paid for when he is actually way behind in payments. He could say he is going to work when he is going to hang out somewhere. You just don’t know.
You need to question every thing he tells you because he will lie to you to sound like the man you want rather than let you see the man that he is.November 26, 2019 at 3:37 pm #861551SherBearGuest
How long would he have continued the charade if you didn’t catch him in the lie? Another month? Six months? He has shown you his true colors – he has no problem lying to get what he wants. Assume that everything that comes out of his mouth is complete BS. He’s waving his red flag at you, this isn’t a situation where you take it slow it’s a situation where you block his number.November 26, 2019 at 4:12 pm #861557CurlyQueParticipant
I think one of the most important things to point out (which someone did above too) IF you “forgive” him and tell him it’s ok you’ve taught him that he can lie about important information BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY continue to lie once he’s found out and you’ll still forgive him.
That’s a terrible precedent to set in the relationship. He’s the one that put you in this situation, not you, which means you shouldn’t feel bad by ending things.
Maybe you would enjoy a relationship with an older man, but just not this man who unfortunately set up the relationship for failure.November 27, 2019 at 9:28 am #861635cspGuest
So I wouldn’t break up over this but I would think about it. Take it as a data point. The other thing you need to start thinking about is what you are wanting long term for a partner. Do you want a family and kids? Because at 41 he would want that sooner rather than later. Where do you want your life to go and I would double check about all the things he told you. What about his career and his past? Is there a divorce you don’t know about? Kids? Again, I wouldn’t just dump him but I would be careful.November 27, 2019 at 12:28 pm #861665SkyblossomParticipant
My personal experience was that once I couldn’t trust someone I found that I couldn’t respect them and once I couldn’t respect them I didn’t love them.
I suspect that you’ll stay with him for a while but it won’t be the same as it was before you found out he’s a big a liar. You won’t ever be able to see him the same way as you did. That’s what dating is about. You learn more and more about the other person and either what you learn makes you closer or it puts distance between you. Most of us have learned the hard way that it is a waste of time to date someone you can’t trust. The relationship is already a failed relationship. It’s just waiting to unravel. If you break up and move on you will get over it and then be free to meet someone better. If you keep yourself wrapped up in a bad relationship you won’t get over it and you won’t be available emotionally to meet someone better.November 27, 2019 at 12:54 pm #861671Andrea LetsenMember
Speaking from unfortunate experience – please be cautious. I think you are in a little denial due to your feelings for this man. Please don’t let feelings (or your friend who somehow believes she knows exactly what’s in this mans head) cloud your judgement.
Look at the facts and only the facts when assessing the situation –
*the man lied to you about his age
*the age difference wasn’t months or a couple of years, it was A DECADE.
*the man claims he ‘thought you knew’ whilst concurrently being fearful you would leave him if you found out <— why was he scared if you ‘already knew’?
*a lie of that significance this early on is a very good indicator of this mans honesty, maturity and respect for you.
You deserve a lot better than what you’ve tolerated so far.
Look after yourself xNovember 27, 2019 at 4:49 pm #861709NicoleGuest
Lol. My current boyfriend did the same thing! Lmao. Damn man said he was 31. He was 44. I was 34 at the time and not looking for someone younger than me. But he was cute and persistent. After some googling, found out his actual age. He did tell me the truth. Don’t know why he did it, he says he looks young. But I doubted his age at first, because I am not attracted to younger guys or even guys my own age. We have been together for almost two years now.November 27, 2019 at 5:38 pm #861714AlyssaGuest
Nicole, how long did it take for you to fully trust him again? What was the rebuilding process like for you?November 27, 2019 at 5:39 pm #861715AlyssaGuest
Were you ready to break up with him initially?November 27, 2019 at 5:57 pm #861718anonymousseMember
Please don’t focus on the one person who has almost a similar story to you.
There’s a chorus of people telling you this is a big red flag.
The difference in the stories is your bf continued to lie about it.
You’ve known him two months. Be realistic. This is a huge breach of trust and just because it worked out for Nicole does it mean this is okay.November 27, 2019 at 6:03 pm #861719anonymousseMember
Also, Nicole’s dude lied directly to her. Your dude had a profile with his fake age.November 27, 2019 at 6:28 pm #861722PDX816Guest
You should not be talking about rebuilding trust at two months in.