Lauren NicoleFebruary 4, 2017 at 3:27 pm #672117
Hey Kate, sorry, missed that other one. We are boyfriend and girlfriend. We have introduced each other as that all over the world this past year and in town. Everything about us and these aspects are pretty normal. Yes, we do sleepovers but not every night. I promise you, he is not seeing anyone else. I know that is true.KateFebruary 4, 2017 at 6:05 pm #672125
How could you possibly know that’s true when he’s home one week out of the month and goes days without texting and won’t commit after knowing you 20 years? Please snap out of it.
“take the next step and see what happens.”
So what did he mean by take the next step? That’s so vague it could mean anything so if that’s all he said he said nothing. The next step should be something concrete. Something you can look at and see whether it happened or not.
He likes things the way they are. Can you live like that?
The question I think you need to ask yourself is if the relationship remains like this for five years would you look back in five years and regret sticking around? What about ten years of the same? Fifteen years?
What personal goals do you have for your life. Do you want marriage? If so, do you want it enough that you would never be satisfied with twenty years of the current relationship? Do you want children? If so do you want them more than the current relationship?
If you had to choose between current bf and marriage which would you choose if you couldn’t have both, which is the likely reality?
If you had to choose between current bf and having children which would you choose? Which is a higher priority and life goal?
If you want neither marriage or children then it will be easy to continue as you are and let life carry you along and see where it takes you. If you want more then you have to move on because you won’t get more from or with him. Which do you want more, him or the everything else?JuliecatharineFebruary 4, 2017 at 8:03 pm #672131
It seems as though the people on this thread have given more thought to this relationship than he has. He is not a special snowflake, there is no deep mystery here. He is happy with the way things are. If you want more than what you have you’re going to have to speak up and say so…then probably look elsewhere. I still find it deeply squicky that this guy has known you since you were 13 and is now your boyfriend.Northern StarFebruary 4, 2017 at 8:08 pm #672132
You are a deluded person, if you are real. I feel sorry for you.KateFebruary 4, 2017 at 8:10 pm #672133
She’s real, just not keeping it real.RonFebruary 4, 2017 at 8:27 pm #672134
How can she possibly be real? The consistent coolness of her posts and the bouncy cheer on every response post, from someone who started with a problem in post one does not ring at all true. Posters either get angry with their bf, angry at responders for criticizing the bf they are having problems with, super defensive, or they stop responding. This prolonged, constant, cheery cool is a first, and not by just a little bit.HeatherFebruary 4, 2017 at 8:38 pm #672135
Is she from LA/California? Only way I’d understand this tone/way of breezy positivity. It’d still be wrong in the face of this problem & the realities of life, but I’m mostly European so I may be wrong in my judgement.KateFebruary 4, 2017 at 8:40 pm #672136
Well, be that as it may, I’ve been officially recognizing and deleting trolls on this site for the past year, and this is my professional opinion.
Btw, know who always got super angry? Mimosa.
Some people don’t, you know. They prefer not to be confrontational.SFebruary 5, 2017 at 6:04 am #672227
This cheery, breezy way of posting is really weird in my opinion too. But I agree with Kate, she might just be very unconfrontational, which is very dangerous in a relationship dynamic like this. If she’s like this with her boyfriend, she’ll never get what she truly wants (out of a relationship in general, the current bf seems like a lost cause anyway).
I’ve been told “I wish I wasn’t this way” too and I’ve said it myself. It doesn’t mean they want to change. It means they recognize they can’t give you what you want and they’re sorry, but that’s the way they are. It means take me for what I am.
Girl, you’ve got some serious defence mechanisms going on here. I’d kinda want to slap you figuratively to make you snap out of it, but I think people have been trying to do that this entire thread and it hasn’t worked. You say you understand and get it and thank for the super great advice for the hurdredth time, but you’re not internalizing it. You’re high on love.
But that’s the way it goes. I think you might need to experience it to get it. The hopelessness and emptyness and dread and loneliness of being in a relationship with someone who you love very much but who isn’t willing to or capable of giving you what you truly want. Of loving you the way you love them. It’s devastating. But after that, there also comes the realization of your own worth, that you’re allowed to want things and to ask for things in a relationship as well, and it doen’t make you a difficult person. And that if that means it’s all going to end then so be it. That this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. And that is what is truly amazing and super and awesome.