Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Boyfriend thinks I’m associated with the devil

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  • #1099642 Reply

    My boyfriend is extremely passionate about his Christian faith and his life revolves a lot around his church. I go to his church every week, watch his worship rehearsals, say grace with his family at dinners, and talk to him about his faith and his relationship with God and am super supportive of his beliefs. I do research on Bible passages that are important to him, listen to Christian music to know artists he likes, and ask his pastor questions when I don’t understand something.

    I was raised in a Catholic church, but have become more spiritual as I have aged. I believe in putting good energies into the universe and that we can receive good experiences for doing good in the lives of others and making good decisions. I like to manifest and visualize positive outcomes in my life, and believe that my mindset can shape my reality and try to be positive and grateful whenever I can. Within my spiritual journey, I found that having crystals in my room was helpful – through associating a pink rose quartz with healthy romantic relationships, for example, I would be reminded each morning when I wake up and see it that I should put my best foot forward in my relationship and be my best self. I don’t think that crystals have magic powers (but am happy for those who do) but see them more as a physical reminder of things that are important to remember. This has helped me a lot with my anxiety and depression and puts me in a great mindset that helps me be my best self every day.

    My roommate and I feel very comforted by the cycles of the moon, and remind ourselves on full moons that we can recenter ourselves and reset our mindsets to keep negative things in the past and start fresh with the new moon cycles. We have gone out on nights of full moons to the beach to swim in the ocean and read tarot cards to reflect upon our feelings at the time and discuss ways in which we can healthily cope with struggles in our lives. We do not pray to any evil gods or worship the devil or anything like that – we reflect upon ourselves and reset with these special little routines. It is a great monthly release for us to do this little evening to shift our focuses back to positivity when things get hard, and is about us bonding and supporting each other and talking things out. We aren’t burning sacrificial animals and dancing naked in the woods or hailing satan or anything at all – in my eyes that is not good to do and therefore I don’t do it. (moral of the story: me and my roommate sitting at a beach and talking about what we are grateful for and writing out our positive intentions for the month quite literally hurts nobody and is a personal thing we do to help our mental health and bond together. literally girls night just outside with some pretty rocks.)

    I have told my boyfriend about my previously mentioned activities, and he told me that I was opening myself up to Satan and that I was partaking in evil witch activities that were going to subject him to harm. He told me that he does not want to be associated with witches and does not want to be forced to stop his beliefs to support mine. I have never once asked him to accept that I find comfort in the moon’s cycles or the pretty crystal rocks in my room. I have spoken about it very minimally, and after he expressed his discomfort with it a month and a half ago, I have not brought up or done anything “witchy” or moon-related at all.

    Tonight, I was telling him about how I love talking to my friends about him and all of the cool things he does. I asked him if he ever talks to his friends about me, and he said that he does not. I asked why – we have been dating for over 4 months now and I found it weird that he doesn’t talk about me to his friends, even though I have met all of them on multiple occasions and have had great interactions each time. He told me that he cannot talk about me to his friends because they will see him differently if they know he’s dating a “witch”. I was so confused – i havent even mentioned anything remotely witch-related to him for over a month, have not even looked at my crystals since he expressed to me that it makes him uncomfortable, AND have seen all of his friends on numerous occasions and have never even hinted that i’m ok with people believing in the moon and manifestation. I was literally at church with his entire family and friend group 2 days ago and had the most lovely time and they were all thrilled to see me.

    Why can he not talk about me to the people in his life when my supposedly “evil” activities are completely irrelevant in the grand scheme of my life? I talk to my boyfriend a lot and spend lots of time with him and we talk about a million and one things unrelated to “witches,” yet he still can’t mention me to his friends? I am an avid volunteer, am at university on scholarship, have 3 jobs, am passionate about literature, do photography, am an event planner for a club, love making crafts, plan special dates for us… there are so many things about me that have nothing to do with being a so-called “witch,” yet he makes it seem like my whole character is diminished to a small handful of conversations we have had where I have mentioned I have sometimes found comfort in moon, crystal, and manifesting related activities.

    Recently, he has made me feel like my whole character and who I am is diminished to things like this, and that he forgets about the 99% of the time when we are happily doing fun things and me putting in so much effort to let him know how much I care. Am I unreasonable to feel disappointed and hurt that he won’t mention me to his friends because he thinks i’m associated with the Devil and evil “witches?” I have so much respect for his beliefs, and I have told him that if i pose so much as a “threat” to him and his faith I will accept his choice to not continue our relationship, but he stays with me even though he makes me feel horrible for sharing my own beliefs. He says I can “believe whatever I want” but that he will never accept it. Why doesn’t he end things then? If I literally cannot be mentioned because he needs to “protect himself from me” and the “evil activities I always do??,” then why has he not left yet? I’ve calmly told him to cut me out of his life if I am literally sent by the Devil in his eyes, but he just doesn’t say anything and changes the subject and tells me that I am twisting his words and that I will “never understand.” I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, which is why I’ve stopped all of my associations with any type of Pagan or Wicca practices, but he still is hanging onto the 2-3 times that I have talked to him in passing about it and makes me feel like i’m literally nothing more than a witch in his eyes. What should I do???

    #1099646 Reply

    Put aside the subject of your difference and look at the difference itself. You’re fully engaged in your boyfriend’s life and taking an active interest in something important to him and his family, he doesn’t even mention you to his friends and calls you a witch. You can take the initiative here and dump him, you don’t have to wait for him to do it. The fact he hasn’t broken up with you despite apparently thinking you’re from the devil suggests he likes having it over you, a definite red flag.

    #1099647 Reply

    This was a lot of words/info that add up to something very very simple: you two are incompatible.

    And this:
    “ Why doesn’t he end things then? If I literally cannot be mentioned because he needs to “protect himself from me” and the “evil activities I always do??,” then why has he not left yet?”

    Because he doesn’t want to be the bad guy, and hopes you’ll do it first. Because there are things about having a girlfriend that he likes. All the usual reasons. It’s not because he loves, respects, and sees a future with you.

    Why have YOU not left a guy who thinks you’re a witch / evil and doesn’t want his friends to know he’s dating you?

    #1099657 Reply
    Dear Wendy

    Yeah, why haven’t YOU left HIM? He doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t show interest in you or your passions, he insults you, makes you feel horrible, and you don’t have common interests. Girl, no. This is not what a healthy and satisfying relationship looks like. Let this guy go and get back to your friends and your crystals and your full moon swims and tarot readings. Your life sounds fun and adventurous; who needs Church Boy making you feel bad about it? Adios, Church Boy.

    #1099658 Reply

    You’ve stopped doing something that makes you happy, and helps with your anxiety and depression because of one comment by a guy you’ve been dating for four months.
    This does not sound like the start of a solid relationship.

    How long are you okay with giving these things up for?

    Also, respecting his religious practices does not mean you have to participate 100% if you don’t feel like it.

    #1099661 Reply

    Why are you so willing to change yourself and your life for a dude you’ve known for 4 months? You’re incapable and he sounds like a boring jerk. He’s not breaking up with you because he likes to call you a witch and feel superior. He likes having that power over you. You should dump him today. He will always use his religion to bully you. People that fanatic about religion are dangerous

    #1099662 Reply

    I think that we have talked about having an FAQ before. We should add that if your partner thinks that you are associated with the devil you are not a good romantic fit

    #1099666 Reply

    He hasn’t ended it probably because he thinks he can save you. If you give up all of the things that make you feel connected to the universe, and slim your spiritual viewpoint to his… then maybe he’ll feel that you’re good enough to present to his friends. And maybe he’ll either feel your godly enough to stay with or godly enough that he can let you go and then find the next person he can save.

    Honey – you need to end this. Love the things you love. Enjoy the things you enjoy. Find someone who is going to love those things with you or at least not demand that you give up the things you love for some fantastical sky daddy.

    #1099721 Reply

    Every response before mine is great, and I’m going to pile on.

    You should not have to change yourself for a partner. You should not have to be constantly tiptoeing around his sensibilities, wondering if he’s judging you. You should not have to give up activities that make you happy, or that are good for your mental health.

    Anyone so deeply into religion that they are actively judging others’ lives because of it has a big problem, and will not be a healthy, equal partner. Be grateful he’s shown you his true colors after only 4 months into the relationship. You deserve better.

    #1099722 Reply

    Great advice by all, nothing for me to add, except to say that I will be adding “Adios, Church Boy” into my lexicon.

    #1099723 Reply

    You are incompatible and he is being more than a little nasty. Don’t be so desperate to have a bf. Dump him. You can find much better. You are trying way to hard to please him and getting nothing but rejection in return. He wants to majorly re-make you. Then you won’t be yourself and will massively regret losing yourself. There is no future with this guy and the present is going to become progressively less pleasant.

    #1099724 Reply

    It all been said so well but I want to add “my boyfriend thinks I’m a witch or associated with the devil” should absolutely be a dealbreaker for all of us, period, end of story.

    Nothing about this specific person sounds fun or good at all for you.

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