- This topic has 20 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 3 weeks, 6 days ago by Teri Anne.
November 3, 2021 at 10:02 am #1099725anonymousseParticipant
And I have crystals and smudge with sage sometimes and love to go outside on full moon nights and listen to King Harvest’s “Dancing in the moonlight.” You do you and don’t apologize or change for anyone. Someone who values you won’t want you to.November 3, 2021 at 11:13 am #1099731Miss MJGuest
Your boyfriend problem is your boyfriend. Break up with him and consider it a bullet dodged.November 3, 2021 at 2:14 pm #1099740FindingMyShineGuest
You’re asking why doesn’t he leave you, I’d like to know why you don’t break up with him and go back to doing things that make you happy? I am spiritual, not religious. I love crystals and the moon, and if I were ever with someone who told me my beliefs were wrong, even if I supported them in their beliefs, that’s a total red flag and an excellent reason to discontinue the relationship. He’s NOT SUPPORTIVE of you, and won’t even talk to his friends about you. He thinks you’re an evil witch. Time to move on.November 3, 2021 at 2:41 pm #1099741BittergaymarkGuest
I don’t believe you are associated with the devil…
But you sure are associated with stupidity…
And by that — I mean your boyfriend. But seriously? You’re not showing many signs of intelligence by dating this guy either. 🙄November 9, 2021 at 1:13 pm #1099922Nella WaferGuest
It is possible that he is waiting to evangelize and try to convert you. That’s a thing. Some evangelical churches encourage this and call it something goofy like “dating missionary work,” or something like that. In any case, all the other reasons stated in every comment above are more than enough reason to dump him and move on already.November 10, 2021 at 11:37 am #1099944BittergaymarkGuest
Oh my God — I can’t believe people do that. Which — of course! — means they very much do!!November 10, 2021 at 11:54 am #1099945CurlyQueParticipant
Sometimes in a relationship, it can be easy to see the problem in front of you and focus on that rather than the bigger picture. The problem isn’t that you like crystals, tarot reading, the moon, etc. The problem is that he doesn’t like or respect YOU as a person.
It’s obvious he’s trying to convert you, and part of that apparently involves shaming you to change. I’m going to echo what others have said WHY ARE YOU PUTTING UP WITH THIS FOR A RELATIONSHIP THAT’S ONLY EXISTED FOR A FEW MONTHS??!! Don’t you love who you are? Don’t you respect yourself? Maybe look into your school’s therapy options to understand why you are willing to give on things you enjoy because of a relative stranger’s opinions.
Your life sounded amazing. You made all these changes and it will never be good enough for him. You could convert but he’s made it clear he uses shame and judgement to get what he wants…that’s not a healthy relationship no matter what you do.November 10, 2021 at 12:17 pm #1099947anonymousseParticipant
Yeah, I can see this as “Christian negging.” You’re the devil and only me and my religion can fix you.November 10, 2021 at 5:19 pm #1099959Teri AnneGuest
Evangelical and fundamentalist churches tend to have a rigid, hierarchical culture in which pastors expect their congregation to obey their teachings on what books, movies, hobbies, dress and other things are acceptable. For example, some churches forbid women to wear pants or cut their hair. The teachings can vary from church to church. For example, one pastor I met forbid his congregation to read the Narnia Chronicles by C.S. Lewis because he thought the books encouraged children to disobey their parents. but another pastor I met encouraged his congregation to read them because he believed they encouraged chivalry. A church obsessed with witchcraft like the boyfriend’s church probably has this kind of authoritarian culture.
I only stayed at the Narnia-disapproving church for a few months before leaving for a more mainstream evangelical church. After the January 8, 2011 Tucson shooting of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, I discovered that this church was equally authoritarian. When President Obama came to Tucson for a memorial service, I waited in line for 5 hours to see the service. Attending the service was very meaningful to me. But to my astonishment, the pastor expressed strong disapproval.
These kind of churches disapprove of many harmless practices that are not even contradictory to Christianity. The boyfriend’s church will never approve of the LW’s crystals, tarot cards or moonlight walks with her roommate. If she stays with her boyfriend, she will need to give up these things that give her pleasure. She will also be expected to believe that the earth is only 10,000 years old. The boyfriend is putting a lot of pressure on her to see if she will submit to him, because she will be expected to obey her husband in everything.
As a former evangelical, I am urging the LW to break up with her boyfriend. I know she loves him, but if she marries him, she is signing up for a lifetime of misery. She is already confused and unhappy, because she has probably not encountered this kind of pressure before. But she already realizes this isn’t right, because she has written to Dear Wendy for clarification.