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Dear Wendy

“Boyfriend Went Limp, Calls Me Fat”

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This topic contains 14 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar convexed 1 week, 3 days ago.

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  • #783750 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    From a LW:

    Hi! Long story short, I’m 24 with a kid and my boyfriend is 29 and happily in his role as “step-dad”. I’ve known him for years but we’ve actually been dating just over 4 months. Everything’s fantastic. Except for one thing.The issue is a recent sexytime thing. We’re active. A lot. Or have been. A couple weeks ago he went all limp noodle mid-coitus and apologized and said that’s never happened before in his life. We’ve both been with a handful of people, and speaking for myself I’ve only had one guy do that with a case of whiskey dick once. We were sober when this happened. And since then he’s been making (good, I think?) Comparisons to his last relationship. Like, “if I would have breathed like that with her she would have cut me. You’re the best girlfriend in the world” kinda stuff). I think it’s meant to be nice but it’s kinda douchey being compared to that anyways. Right? He also made a joke about myself saying I’m getting fat by commenting that he’s the problem because he cooks so often (dude can cook, what can I say?) And lastly the thing that’s been eating at me is the fact that he made the the joke about how his poor brothers had to hear him banging chicks when they all lived at home because he goes hard. Like wtf? Why the limp noodle thing for me? Which has been about 5 times now. I’m not concerned about cheating or anything. I trust him completely. Just kind of not believing the “you’re beautiful and it’s not your fault” thing the more it happens. I feel like I’m a petty little bitch about it, I know I could talk to him if needed but it’s just an awkward topic. This is long, and I’m sorry, but my therapist is on vacation right now 😉 just kidding, obviously. I’m just dramatic I think. But would love love love your input.

    #783753 Reply
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    JD

    Your new boyfriend of 4 months is already playing stepfather to your kid? I’ll just leave that there.

    #783755 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    There’s three separate issues here. One, you can’t expect someone to perform perfectly during sex every time. If you’re going to be in sexual relationships, you need to learn not to take it personally. That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone that they need everything to work perfectly OR you’re going to get mad at them or feel bad about yourself.

    Two, if he says things that bother you, tell him. I don’t know how often he says obnoxious things, but if he doesn’t choose to stop, then you need to decide if you want to put up with someone insulting you and comparing you to his ex all the time.

    Three, I agree with JD. Someone you’ve been dating for 4 months (doesn’t matter how long you’ve known him) shouldn’t be playing stepdad. Nobody should be playing stepdad unless you two have already made a long-term commitment to each other AFTER having dated a much longer time (long enough for you to know it’s actually going to work out and that he’s someone you want to have that big a role in your kid’s life). Otherwise, you’re setting your kid up to feel abandoned if the relationship doesn’t work out. The type of relationship issues you’re having make it very clear that this relationship is way too new to be that serious. When you have a kid, you can’t jump into stuff this quickly.

    #783758 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    Everyone else is right. He shouldn’t be in a stepfather role so quickly. That might be part of his issue, but who can say? No one here knows the intricacies of your sex life together, so we can’t even really begin to speculate.

    To the fat comment, “Please don’t talk about my body that way.”

    #783759 Reply

    Grow up and don’t let your new boyfriends play step dad. Nip that shit in the bud NOW. You’re 4 months in and already having problems. This relationship isn’t going to last.

    #783768 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    I can’t even get to the sex issues or the fact that your boyfriend is calling you fat, which is just so inappropriate and should be a deal-breaker, because I can’t get over that your boyfriend of four months is playing stepdad to your kid. They really shouldn’t even know each other yet, let alone have that sort of intimate relationship.

    #783895 Reply
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    carolann
    Member

    LW ???????? Sigh…the “step dad” thing… Maybe you didn’t really mean it that way, but still… you should be much more careful. This could be bad for your kid in many ways.
    DO NOT EVER leave your child in the care of this man, you barely know him! He could be a predator. They love to pray on single moms. Seriously, protect your son.

    #784276 Reply
    avatar
    Writer

    Guys, thank you for your input thus far. I was overwhelmed by trying to keep it short and sweet by omitting some details. I put quotes around step dad because he has been around (first of several boyfriends that have actually made the cut in meeting my child, who is 6 and understands that he is in no way his father). I totally feel like an asshole parent now. The entire relationship is fantastic minus the limp noodle thing, which I’m still wondering if I’m just overthinking or not. As for the fat thing, it was a comical conversation (which I’m going to go into detail on). I nudged him one evening and reminded him that I had ice cream in the freezer to which he replied by saying he “was the problem”. I asked him to clarify and he said since it’s his fault I’m putting on weight because there’s always food around to which I had an “a-ha!” Moment due to him seeming to admit that I was putting weight on. I dunno. Maybe I’m making a big deal of nothing really. Thanks again!

    #784342 Reply
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    JD

    I can let the fattie thing go, as it has been said in playful banter with my ex and I. It was more of a “did you eat all of those cookies fattie?” Although neither of us are fat and it was for sure a joke. We also happen to have a very sarcastic playful banter.

    It does feel you are backtracking on the step dad thing Though to save face. I don’t know anyone who would even consider using that term so soon. At most he would be “moms friend” but I hesitate to agree that they should have been met yet.

    #784384 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    It’s four months in and he’s had five bedroom incidents, calls you fat, talks about all the chicks he’s banged, compares you to his ex and is okay with being a pseudo step father figure.

    These things aren’t nothing, they’re all pretty eyebrow raising.

    Take a step back. Really think about this and if is what you want. And keep your child separate from your budding relationships.

    Personally, I would be pretty weirded out by a man bragging about all the chicks he’s banged to the “chick” with a kid he’s currently having issues banging.

    #784421 Reply

    WEES BUT are we going to ignore that this dude is 29, and can’t maintain an erection?!?! That’s way too young for this kinda of thing. Either he’s not attracted to LW or he has a serious medical issue going on behind the scenes.

    He needs to get to the doctor post haste. If he finds out that nothing is wrong and it’s a waning attraction to the LW then she knows and can move on from this relationship.

    #784478 Reply
    avatar
    Bacon Mistress

    Your boyfriend sounds immature. All the comparison comments are hella weak. Can he not compliment you for being you? The fattie comment? Ugh! Not a relationship killer comment but not something a grown intelligent man would say to someone he is invested in. And the “I go hard?” I fucking laughed out loud at that. You went limp noodle, bro. But please go on and soothe your insecurity by bringing up all of the other women you banged back in the day-o!
    Good luck, girl!

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