Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Boyfriend works full time, doesn’t do ANY housework at all

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This topic contains 58 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by avatar Northern Star 1 week, 4 days ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 59 total)
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  • #809983 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    You say that you’ve tried talking to him about it but your perspectives are totally different. What is his perspective? He feels like he shouldn’t do any chores at all? Nothing, ever?

    There’s already resentment on both sides, and you’re not communicating well as a couple. This is something you need to get sorted out, or you might as well move back home.

    #809985 Reply
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    JD
    Member

    OH ya by the way, if I was rushing out the door and my non working partner was mad I wouldn’t take the dog out because they wanted to lie in bed, I’d be pretty ticked myself and likely would say “uh ya I can’t do that because I am working”. If you in turn gave me attitude for that you’d see some problems in our relationship. I wake up a half hour before my husband ever day, make him coffee, pack his lunch, take the dogs out….you know, since I am not working. Once in a while if I sleep poorly or am sick he tells me to sleep in and does it for me and on the weekend he usually wakes up first to make me coffee….because he appreciates that I do so much without bitching that I would prefer to sleep every other day.

    #810148 Reply
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    Bonnie

    What would happen if you weren’t living with him? Wouldn’t he be doing all the housework himself? And he calls you “ungrateful”? You are not his maid. It is his house too so if he refuses to do at least some of the work especially after you asked him to help, then this is more than a problem of household chores.

    #810150 Reply
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    Sarah

    Getting ready for work in our house is frustrating for my husband so he would absolutely argue with me and refuse to take out trash or walk the dog after he is dressed for work. That said any other time he will take the garbage out as it gets full without being asked, takes the dog out, will fold and put away clothes, and run the vacuum. His income pays 95% of all our bills he has an hour commute while I work at the house. These are the arrangements we have worked ourselves into, more of what we do best and then dividing up the crap no one wants to do. Be reasonable but tell your so what you need, if he can’t give it move on.

    #810151 Reply
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    Bittergaymark

    LW, are you spending, say, 40 hours a week walking the dog and cleaning the house?
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    Hah. Yeah, right.
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    Honey, I kindly suggest you shut the fuck up.

    #810205 Reply
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    SpaceySteph
    Participant

    Idk what country you’re in or what country you’re from, but I would tread very lightly here. It sounds a little human trafficky– did he bring you to his country to make you his household servant knowing that you wouldn’t be able to work outside the home due to visa issues? Is it like some Muslim countries where women can’t do much of anything without a man and therefore you would have trouble escaping? Is it a country where foreign women are denigrated and would not be believed?

    But yeah, if you can’t talk to him about this because he’s dismissive of you and assumes his working means he can treat you like a servant, then you have no business moving to another country to be his kept woman.

    #810209 Reply
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    MissD
    Participant

    Just because someone moves to another country to be with their partner, it doesn’t in any way mean that there’s human trafficking going on. That’s a bit far fetched.

    And as we know, there are plenty of asshole men in North America who believe it’s a woman’s job to keep up the home.

    #810210 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    MissD. Truth.

    #810215 Reply
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    keyblade
    Member

    Maybe the dog sheds everywhere, humps everything, and delights in eating and rolling in his/her/it’s own poo. Maybe he bolts and pulls the leash free every time boyfriend bends to scoop his crap up. Or the dog has to sniff everything ten times before he’ll go.

    Maybe the boyfriend had an early meeting he was mentally preparing for while trying to get out the door to beat traffic. Maybe he is just a lazy man-child.

    #810217 Reply
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    Northern Star

    “I do the dishes, the washing, vacuuming, tidying, recycling and taking out the trash, as well as take care of our dog.”

    This takes you, what, a few hours a day? Tops?

    #810219 Reply
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    JD

    Ya I clean my house top to bottom every week, take care of two dogs, cook just about every single meal, every item of laundry, etc and it doesn’t even come close to taking a whole week. I could do it in a day quite frankly. I managed to spend hours shoveling the all the snow yesterday and still cleaned the kitchen and bathrooms, did two pods of laundry and vacuumed the house and made dinner. Oh and I polished my toes and fingernails. Sounds like LW might actually be not pulling much weight or at least is bitter about it and making it seem like too much.

    #810225 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    If taking out the recycling and garbage takes more than 10 collective minutes per week (assuming you’re not going to a recycling center), how much fucking garbage are you making? In a house it took me 30 seconds to drop it in the bin and one minute to take the bin to the curb. Hell even when I had to separate into compostables, paper, glass/metal and trash-trash, it still only took me 5 min a week to bring it outside.

    Do you live in a 12 room mansion? Because it takes me roughly 30 min to vacuum, mop, clean the bathroom of my one bathroom 3 room apartment. 10 min to dust. Everything else I just keep tidy.

    Is he leaving his dirty laundry on the bathroom floor for you to pick up? Is he leaving his dish at the dinner table for you to clean? I’m not hearing egregious behavior yet.

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