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Dear Wendy

Boyfriend works full time, doesn’t do ANY housework at all

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Boyfriend works full time, doesn’t do ANY housework at all

This topic contains 58 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by avatar Northern Star 1 week, 5 days ago.

Viewing 11 posts - 49 through 59 (of 59 total)
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  • #810297 Reply
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    Northern Star

    Miss D, my only point was: This is HER DOG. Walking HER DOG is a chore for the household that didn’t even exist until she moved in. Her complaint is that she does all the cleaning—and her meanie boyfriend won’t even walk her dog in the morning. Well, lots of us think it’s reasonable for him to say no.

    My husband works from home, so he feeds the cats in the morning. He’s never asked me to feed them while I’m getting ready to run out the door because he has all the time in the world to handle it while I’m gone. And it’s easy to feed cats. It’s a chore to walk/pick up after a dog in the morning. That’s why SHE doesn’t want to do it. Of course.

    The reason everyone brings up the chores they do in addition to a 40-hour work week is that we all get it done, and it’s just not that hard. Some of us are even cleaning up after ourselves and a baby in addition to working. This poster listing all the things she does during the day (taking out the trash AND recycling!) is trying to paint herself as Cinderella. It’s pathetic.

    #810298 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    That’s why I asked if he leaves his dirty laundry on the floor or gets up from the dinner table without clearing his dishes. I did not get an answer.

    If he points at his dirty dishes on the table and says “I work full time” then he’s an asshole and she should run run run far away.

    She’s not a maid. But she’s also a relatively responsible adult who needs to behave like one.

    #810308 Reply
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    MissD
    Participant

    I understand what you’re saying, but I think you’re wrong to bring it up IN THIS CASE. Because the LW is not complaining about how much she has to do. She’s hurt by her boyfriend’s resentful attitude, and rightfully so.

    #810312 Reply
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    Poppy
    Member

    If her example of small things is her lying in bed while S/O is getting ready for work asking him to take the dog out is her main complaint then i would say she is the problem. If she was up cooking breakfast and asked then theres an issue that would need to be addressed. I think LW isnt holding up her weight and S/O is rightfully so, annoyed and pissed. If LW would rather find work then im sure there are jobs that would pay her under the table.

    #810317 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    I think it’s becoming more clear that there are nuances to a problem like this, ones the LW hasn’t addressed. I’m not jumping on the “he’s a douchenozzle” bandwagon just yet, but I’m definitely keeping an open mind.

    #810320 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    It doesn’t really matter whether we have deemed that she does enough work or not, though. They resent each other. They can’t communicate well enough to find a solution. When you get to the point where your partner asks you for a favor and your response is to be a jerk to them (and I’m referring to them both at this point), I just don’t really know how much longer a relationship can survive.

    #810343 Reply
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    MissD
    Participant

    @dinoceros exactly! and they’ve only been living together a month! not a good sign…

    #810344 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Human Trafficking? Really? Good Lord, please. lets get fucking real.

    #810550 Reply
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    KJ

    Sounds to me, Anny, you are your boyfriend’s slave! He could dump you anytime because their is no legal commitment. Why do you stay? Do you think he will ever change? I don’t think he will. Ten years from now, where do you want to be?

    #811028 Reply
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    CET

    If you marry this guy you will be the one to do everything at home…for the rest of your life. You will do all the cleaning, picking up, cooking, organizing, dog walking, you name it. Trust me, he won’t change. Unless this is how you want to spend your life and your marriage to someone (not as an equal) then I recommend you go ahead and break up with him now. Tell him why. Tell him you are not his F***ing slave.

    #811033 Reply
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    Northern Star

    And tell him you’re moving out. Then go home, get a job in your home country, and don’t move to be with someone you don’t know all that well.

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