Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Break-up dilemma

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Break-up dilemma

Tagged: 

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #964651 Reply
    avatarhannah998
    Participant

    Me and my boyfriend moved to Glasgow from Manchester during the pandemic. We share the same flat. It’s now looking like our relationship is coming to an end. I don’t know where I should be. I haven’t had a chance to make new friends up here due to the covid restrictions. I either find a room in a flat and hope everyones like-minded and nice, or I move back to Manchester. Although I know people there, it will still be restrictive due to covid. I find Glasgow much nicer and prettier as a city, and less busy compared to Manc. Also Glasgow is more affordable. I just want to carry on with my plans (albeit without my boyfriend) but I don’t want to isolate myself. I do have god parents up here so I’m not totally alone. In an ideal world all my Manchester friends would move up to Glasgow but that’s not going to happen. Do I power through and try living up here? Or retreat to some familiarity of Manchester?

    Regarding the relationship, he says he loves me but isn’t in love with me. Do I try to get to the bottom of this or am I just trying to Polish a turd?

    #964652 Reply
    avatarbrise
    Guest

    What were these projects you had? Career projects? If yes, keep working on it.
    Can’t you stay for a while at your godparents’ place? Till you get a job and are able to finance a flat or being a flatmate? If not, yes, rent something small that you can afford. A room is already something. Don’t sign a long lease. Of course, you will be lonely at the beginning, but if you put energy in meeting people, little by little, you will start creating a new social circle. It is difficult now, but perhaps not impossible. Get out there as much as possible.
    But do you want to stay in Glasgow because you still hold some hope about your relationship? It looks like it, reading your last sentences. I would completely give up this relationship!
    Now do you still want to be in Glasgow? And if yes, why (except for your ex)? Those are the real questions.

    #964653 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    You’re trying to polish a turd; his explanation is bullshit.

    Whether you stay in Glasgow or return to Manchester depends upon what you are doing in Glasgow and what you left behind in Manchester. Are/were you employed in a job you like and which has a future. Are/were you attending uni. You just say that you and your bf moved to Glasgow, as if it just organically or even magically happened. Why did you move? Did you move just to follow him or did you have something that you, personally, were seeking in Glasgow? It sounds like you had friends and were happy in Manchester. We’ve made several trips to Manchester and we enjoy the city. Haven’t seen Glasgow since its very sooty days, so can’t comment on that.

    #964655 Reply
    avatarhannah998
    Participant

    I think I was moving to follow him initially, but I also felt I had nothing to lose, so took the risk. Now I’ve grown to like Glasgow, but I worry it won’t be the same if we’re not together. I don’t want to feel like I’ve failed or I’m back to square one by going back to Manchester. Manchester is definitely the safer option I think regarding friends and a support network. I have been out of uni for a year and a bit now, feeling like I’m not sure what to do next. But, I’m sure a lot of people feel like that at the moment, everyones plans are on hold. There’s a lot of pro’s and con’s to my options.

    #964657 Reply
    avatarCopa
    Participant

    If you’re working, able to find and afford a place (on your own or shared, though TBH I don’t know how people best find roommates during COVID), and want to stay — stay. I don’t know what the COVID restrictions are in either area, so while you may not have an established network in Glasgow yet, it’s likely you wouldn’t be able to see your friends much in Manchester even if you move home. Unless you are able to find a room in a shared flat with friends you already know or live with family, I think winter will be a bit lonely either way.

    If you want to stay to prove a point, to show others you haven’t failed, or because you’re holding out hope that you can reconcile with your ex, well, those are all poor reasons to stay.

    #964658 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    There is no shame in saying “Welp, I tried something new and it just didn’t work out.” Better than to have never tried it at all!

    Ron is right about the explanation turd. Time to move on.

    As for Glasgow vs Manchester – aside from the price, what is it that appeals about Glasgow since you said you hadn’t really found your new social circle? Have you made a list of pros/cons around job, friends, cost, etc? What’s important to you and where can you find that?

    #964659 Reply
    avatarMoneypenny
    Participant

    I’m sorry to hear about your bf, but I think you’re better off without him. Definitely polishing a turd there!
    I would look at what kind of opportunities you have in each city. It sounds like Glasgow has grown on you- now you have an opportunity to make this city your own, and not just because of your dumb ex. What is it that you like about it? Can you make a fresh start? Even if you’re not sure what to do with your life, do you have a job where you can support yourself? Covid definitely throws a wrench in making friends and networks, but that would be the case no matter where you live. And you probably would not/should not be seeing your friends a lot in person anyway, even if you were still in Manchester.

    #964660 Reply
    avatarHazel
    Participant

    Glasgow is a very very friendly city– if it wasn’t for current restrictions you’d easily find lots of new friends. Having lived in Manchester, which does have its appeal but is a very different place, I’d say if you really like Glasgow, give it a shot for a while, if you can find shared accommodation with likeminded people so that gives you a start with slowly building a social circle, but I’d discount your ex right out of the equation. Things are so restricted right now though so I can absolutely see reasons returning to your previous support network may turn out to be your best bet.Good luck whatever you decide. You could always go back to Manchester with the thought of returning to Glasgow when the pandemic is more under control.

    #964661 Reply
    avatarhannah998
    Participant

    I think I like the look of Glasgow more, amazing parks, buildings and close to lots of rural places for days out. But I don’t know if that’s the priority here, especially with the restrictions. I like the idea that I could always leave Glasgow on the back-burner and try it again another time. I have asked around and there are some of my friends also looking for places in Manchester so I can still have at least some support. Ive made a big list of pros and cons, and im sure I still haven’t come to a definitive conclusion, but seeing lots of peoples opinions helps. get am outside perspective.

    #964665 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    Since you are up in the air, apply for jobs you would enjoy working in both cities and live where the job offer is.

    #964673 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Having a relationship end or moving to a new place and then having to come back home isn’t failing. It’s just life. Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don’t. Don’t make choices based off what you think other people would think about you. It’s your life. You have to do what’s best for you at any given juncture.

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
Reply To: Break-up dilemma
Your information: