ReyMarch 5, 2023 at 2:55 am #1118967
Hello. Me and my gf of 3 months broke up two weeks ago. It was mutual due to a silly misunderstanding. One morning at 5.30 am she wakes me up by calling. I answered and she asks if there was anything I lied to her about. I said no. She sent me pics of my ex from Facebook and started crying. I said that was my past and the pics were from last year. I kinda got annoyed and said why you stalking me and don’t interfere in my personal life. Now let me remind that ours is not a committed relationship but we did have feelings for each other. Then she said let’s end things. I agreed. Next day she messaged me saying she was harsh and could have dealt softly and said we can remain friends now. I said ok. Then she went on vacation the next day as she had planned. From there she used to message me everyday about her vacation. Last night she arrived and immediately called me on my phone and spoke about her vacation and she was drunk too. While speaking she said ok love and paused. After that we didn’t speak for 2 days. My common friend messaged her in front of me about her trip and asked if she spoke to me. She said she did but can’t remember much. She told him that she can be friends with benefits with me. She said she was too attached to me and was hurt when I said not to interfere in my personal life. Well I said that out of frustration as i had just woken up from sleep. I want to be back with her. Should I message her and ask to meet so I can clear the misunderstanding?
She also mentioned to my friend that she had met a guy during vacation and was way too impressed with him but says she didn’t flirt with him and was decent. God knows.
Then she said she was too much into me and after we broke up she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore but will have sex whenever we get turned on.
What should I make of all this? Can I get her back ? I do want to clear the doubts. How should I approach her?
It’s really weird that she called you crying over a Facebook picture with an ex-girlfriend at 5:30 a.m. You can see the date the photo was uploaded on FB, so IMO she should’ve been able to tell it was old. If was a recently uploaded photo by an ex, I can see asking about it (I once learned I was being cheated on thanks to FB), but not in this way.
You weren’t together when she went on vacation and it sounds like you were never exclusive notwithstanding, so she was/is allowed to flirt with any and all impressive men she meets on vacation or elsewhere.
Honestly, this is a lot of drama for three months of dating. I’m scared to ask how old you are. A FWB with this woman likely won’t work either. I think you should both move on. If you’re looking for a relationship, you’ll want calm and stable.
I’ll be honest, the story here is super confusing and that makes it hard to give advice. Was she your girlfriend or not? What was she actually upset about? Did you do something to upset her or not?
In any case, two people who really care about each other do not mutually break up due to a silly misunderstanding. Your reaction to her calling you upset was “don’t interfere in my personal life.” Like, what?? You say she was your girlfriend. She IS your personal life. And then you were like, “oh ok, let’s end things. sure, let’s be friends.” Where is the silly misunderstanding here? It sounds like you really weren’t that bothered. Like, why have WEEKS gone by where you had ample opportunity to communicate to her how you feel about her and what you want, and you didn’t? You’re so passive, I don’t get it. Nowhere in this post even do you say what you want or how you feel about her. There’s zero clarity.
You need to get clear on what you even want with her. If you do want a relationship then you need to communicate with her like an adult and figure out if you two can get on the same page about what you both want. Do you want the same thing? If yes, discuss how that’s going to look. If no, go your separate ways. Don’t message her just to continue to be clear as mud. Have a real conversation.ReyMarch 7, 2023 at 3:26 pm #1119045
Update: she confessed that she slept twice with the guy she met during vacation. Her justification is that she was hurt and wanted to get over me. I am 44 and she is 43. I feel so shattered now. Don’t know what to do. Met her last night and she said she still wants to be with me. She also said she liked the other guy but wants to end it with him. How can someone fall for a guy in just 4 days?
I wanted a committed relationship.
I’m sorry, but this whole thing is ridiculous for a couple of 40-somethings.
You called her your girlfriend but also say you weren’t committed. You ended whatever kind of relationship you did have because she saw something old on FB and called you to freak out about it at 5:30 a.m., at which point you called her a stalker and told her to butt out of your life. So you stopped talking and she went on vacation. You got upset that she was flirting on vacation even though you weren’t together anymore by your own doing.
You weren’t together when she was on vacation, so what she did was her business. I can understand having a fling on vacation, but what on earth is there to “end” with a person you meet on a four-day vacation?
I still think you two sound like too much drama.AnonymousseMarch 8, 2023 at 8:19 pm #1119056
You said you were in a not committed relationship, and then you broke up.
And now you say you want a committed relationship? Which is it?
She did nothing wrong. You were broken up!
At least she’s honest with you. Would you be, if the shoes were on the other feet? Would you be real with her?
You were bragging that you were not committed earlier and now you’re all sad about it.
You seem really immature. If you want to be with her do not ever bring that up as cheating and stop this childishness. And if you want a commitment with her, be honest and upfront. You’re older than me and I thought you were like, young twenties with this foolishness.
If you will never look at her the same, move on and don’t wait a round and guilt trip her. Life is too short.LisforLeslieMarch 9, 2023 at 5:00 am #1119057
I’m sorry but the deal breaker for me was stalking your social media and freaking out over old pictures. She’s not emotionally stable.
Nothing here is clear. Like yeah, it sounds like maybe she freaked out over old pictures, but Rey has provided no clarification so I’m just as inclined to believe he/they did something sketchy and was caught. Like, maybe the girlfriend saw pics that Rey’s ex had recently posted. And Rey told her they were from last year, but they were actually recent. You can’t tell from how it’s told above. What’s the situation there, Rey?
In any case, Rey, you broke up with her and didn’t explain anything or tell her how you felt. You said ok to just being friends. How, then, are you shattered that she had a vacation fling?AnonymousseMarch 9, 2023 at 9:03 am #1119060
Like why are you at 44, bragging about your noncommitted relationship and then a few paragraphs later, you’re crushed she slept with someone else, after you broke up? What do you think not committed means? That you get to have fun with your exes, flaunt it on FB and she needs to stay loyal to you?
I’m sorry this got messed up for you. Next time be honest with your partner and don’t ask for no commitment when you want a real commitment.
Therapy might be really good for you. This type of dating isn’t getting you what you want.
I am also curious what exactly she found on FB. I don’t think it’s great behavior to call someone at 5:30 a.m. to confront them about their potential lying over something you saw on social media, even if that something turns out to be not much. FB isn’t real life. Also? It seems pretty clear that she doesn’t trust you from that interaction alone, LW. If it was something recently uploaded, there are ways to bring it up without waking someone up to flip out at them.
Anyway, FB was really new when I was in college. I did know couples who fought over things that one saw on FB. I even once had a bf who would get jealous if another guy wrote on my wall (lol). I assumed you’d be early 20s or younger with this level of drama, LW.