Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Break up with a friend?

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  • #1006886 Reply

    I have this friend. We’ll call her Mary.
    Mary and I have been friends for about two years.
    We have polar opposite political views. She’s a single mother and I am married with no kids. She’s a homebody and I am not. I feel like we made our friendship work because we both needed the relationship.
    A few weeks ago she told me she started up the affair with a married man again. While I can forgive a lot, that is one thing I am staunchly against. Not only have I lost respect for her, but it has exacerbated the other differences in our friendship to the point where I no longer want to be friends. Whether that makes me a bad person or not, it is what it is.
    I don’t know how to tell her this. Please help.

    #1007700 Reply
    avatarMrs. Danvers

    I completely understand! Sometimes friendships come to an end even when the two people involved don’t have severe differences. But here you do. If you don’t want to be confrontational, you could just say something like, “I feel that our relationship has run its course; I wish you the best of luck in the future.” While you don’t have to explain yourself if you do want to mention the affair you could say something like, “It bothers me and I think that I can’t come back from that.”

    Maybe she’ll feel the same way and agree with you. If she argues with you or becomes defensive just keep it simple and remove yourself from the conversation.

    #1007724 Reply

    I asked Wendy a similar question about a friend who had behaviors and beliefs I couldn’t tolerate. I wanted to go in on them because I’m confrontational, but Wendy advised me to just take a step back and that worked. We don’t talk anymore and I didn’t have to get into it with them. That’s the way to go. Just stop replying.

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