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  • Chris
    October 2, 2022 at 11:54 am #1116311

    Hello everyone,
    A few days ago my girlfriend of 2 years and 7 months broke up with me (i am 22 and she is 21). She said she didn’t feel it anymore and she missed me less than normal. Everything was perfect for 2 years and 5 months. There was much love and intimacy coming from both sides. But then it changed. We didnt see eachother for a long time (we had online contact) because of finals and separate vacations with our families and when both back she also got COVID. During those 2 COVID weeks it started changing. She told me she felt she was making evolution as a person the past 2 months, which is normal at 20 years old. She told me she was searching for herself a bit, searching what she wants. She now has the urge to spend more times with friends (which she didn’t do when we were together, although i tried to make her see her friends more) and she also wants times just on her own. She says she can feel happy when she is alone for this moment. I am still in love with her, for me she feels like the one. She told me that she does not want that i keep hope to get back together because she does not want to keep hurting me and she still likes me as a person and would like to stay friends. I know she loves me somewhere (certainly as a person, maybe even more idk that) but right now it is just repressed because of the situation and she wants to do everything correctly to not lose me entirely.
    We both study at college and are in the same years and classes, so we see eachother almost daily. At this moment we don’t contact though. Should i keep no contact? Or should i act normal with her? We did talk yesterday just because i did not understand the reasons at first. What should i do now? Keep the contact? Or do a no contact for a while? Also now (6 days after the breakup) she sent me some pics of her dog, whom really liked me and i liked him too. I responded short. What do i do if she stays sending me stuff, do i tell her i am not ready to chat casual?
    I am in two minds right now. On the one hand i just want to be back together, because we had such great times, we were so much in love and we always felt happy with eachother. But on the other hand i don’t want to lose her completely and if we really can’t get back together, i want to be friends with her because we were quite literally also eachothers best friends. She also does not want to lose me completely. We both aren’t interested in someone else or something new, she explicitly

    October 2, 2022 at 12:02 pm #1116312

    I know that it will be hard but you need to cut off all contact with her so you can obtain some distance from the relationship. If she sends you stuff tell her politely but firmly that you do not want contact. Then if she continues, block her. Make plans with friends and when you are ready, start dating other women.

    October 2, 2022 at 12:07 pm #1116313

    Do not stay friends with her. It will cripple your ability to move on.

    October 2, 2022 at 1:55 pm #1116321

    IMO, being friends does not work for most people. One person usually still hopes for more and gets hurt all over again when that does not happenor the ex starts dating someone else and tells their friend all about it. Go no contact and move on.

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    October 2, 2022 at 2:00 pm #1116322

    Oof. Trust me, no contact is hard but it is absolutely for the best. Agree that if she continues to reach out you can tell her to stop. If you’re following her on social media and are the kind of person who will be compelled to check to see what she’s doing, unfriend/block. It is that much harder to get over someone you still love when you continue to text them or check on their online presence, especially if you are hanging onto hope of reconciliation (which it sounds like you are despite her telling you not to). Maybe you will be friends again one day, but now is not the time to try to be just friends. Focus on moving on, healing, finding your new normal.

    October 16, 2022 at 9:16 pm #1116525

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. Breaking up is so painful. But everyone else here is right. If you try to remain friends with her right now you’ll just keep hoping you’ll get back together and have your heart broken over and over. Also, you’ll be closing yourself off to meeting someone else you might click with.

    Ask her to stop contacting you and hide all of her social media. It will hurt a LOT at first but it’s the only way to make the hurt eventually go away. There will come a day you realize you don’t miss her and you don’t long for her and then maybe there’s a chance you two can be friends. But it’s unfair for her to ask you to pretend to be just her friend right now when your heart wants so much more.

    October 17, 2022 at 6:00 am #1116531

    Agree – definitely hide all social media.

    Somehow you have to find the right balance between jilted and hopeful so that you appear normal in public even though it might be breaking your heart for a while. You have to acknowledge her in public – a small wave or a nod but you definitely don’t have to walk over and start a conversation.

    It’ll get easier with time, promise.

    October 17, 2022 at 12:35 pm #1116535

    First: Assume you will not get back together. This will happen if and only if she initiates. Assume it will not happen.

    Second: How does hanging around her feel. If it makes you feel bad, take a break from spending any time with her.

    Third: Just because she wants to be friends doesn’t mean you have to be. If the friendship if making you feel worse, it’s fine to end it.

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