Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Breakup advice needed please

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This topic contains 19 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar JD 3 months ago.

Viewing 8 posts - 13 through 20 (of 20 total)
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  • #788040 Reply
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    Oracle

    Sarah, you are also at an age where you should know “Good riddance”. Get you stuff back as soon as possible or you never will.

    #788042 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    OK, stop. Take a deep breath.

    Every single time you get into a relationship, you take the chance that the person will change their mind about how they feel and break up with you. You can’t prevent that. You can’t control it. This is something you are just going to have to get used to. It’s a normal part of dating. You’ll probably be in his shoes at some point; you’ll start seeing a guy who seemed perfect for you and then you’ll realize it wasn’t as good a fit as you thought, and you’ll break up with him.

    Your instincts were right. He was moving too fast and was too impulsive. Learn from that – don’t get so involved if it doesn’t feel right.

    Stop analyzing, stop looking at this guy’s social media, block him if necessary, and move on with your life. He wasn’t the right one. End of story.

    #788047 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    These are lessons that you need to learn for next time. When someone rushes into things and acts like they are in love with you when you barely know them, it’s not a good sign. It’s a bad one. It lets you know they are someone who probably has some kind of emotional hangup that makes them not develop normal relationships (which form gradually, not in a whirlwind). The other lesson is that when you sense something is off (you knew he was impulsive) or have a conversation where the person says something that makes it clear they aren’t ready for a relationship, then instead of pushing on ahead like nothing happened, you take that a sign that you need to put the brakes on.

    When I was younger, I used to plow ahead too. I was too into the person or the idea of having a relationship that I didn’t want to let them go. But if they are not ready for a relationship or not that into you (despite them getting caught up in the fun of “love”), then they are going to leave eventually. It’s just a question of whether it happens early by you ending things before you get invested or later, once you’ve already started planning them into your life.

    #788049 Reply
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    Ale
    Member

    It doesn’t matter if he cares or not, if he’s hurting or not, what he thinks. It doesn’t matter.
    You NEED to cut contact with him. Him telling you he’s hurting and that he still loves you is pure manipulation, so he doesn’t end like the dick in the story. And really, it doesn’t matter. If he loved you he’d be with you. End of story, it’s that simple.
    Cut contact with him, thank life for only giving you 18 months with him and not longer so you still have the best years of your life ahead to find a partner that’s good for you.

    #788061 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    Get your stuff back ASAP.

    You said he’s:
    Impulsive
    A bit of a man slut
    Showered you with compliments, etc in the beginning

    All of these things are kind of okay, on their own, but together make a giant red flag.

    As soon as your relationship got a teeny bit complicated, he bolted. That’s got nothing to do with you, he’s just a guy who is only in it for fun.

    That’s why he’s moved on so quickly and started dating.

    It doesn’t matter what his friends said, I’m sure they say similar things to anyone he dates longer than a week. Those type of comments are very easy to make, and who doesn’t love a compliment?

    A lot of people delete photos or edit their social media right after a breakup. Of course he deleted all the pictures, he’s on the prowl again.

    I’m sorry he wasn’t who you thought he was, but it’s time to see him for who he really is and move on with your head held high. There are better dudes out there, who will actually try to make your relationship work.

    #788119 Reply
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    Sarah

    Thanks for all the comments. I suppose now reflecting on the relationship it must have been just prolonged infatuation for him instead of real love. We spoke about having a friendship the night we broke up but he hasn’t reached out to me once so am assuming he doesn’t want that either. This realisation is helping me move on. Why should I care so much about someone who doesn’t care about me. Thanks for all your words.

    #788147 Reply
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    Fyodor

    The first second and third rules of Ex Club are to stay away from the ex. No matter how tempting, no matter if you think that you can have a great friendship, no matter if Lassie tells you that he’s trapped on the Old Cider Mill. Stay away. No good will come of it. Block their social media. Do not give them free housing in your mind.

    #788159 Reply
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    JD

    I never knew anyone actually believed the “let’s stay friends” line. It is just something you say to feel better, not reality.

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