Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Buy the car?

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This topic contains 115 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by avatar IfIMay 3 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #845501 Reply

    Posted this in the wrong area (chat) first. Sorry if it’s a repeat.

    Trying to get unbiased advice. Shopping for reliable work car for myself which is practical yet fun – I insist on manual transmission. Found one at very reasonable price that has virtually no impact to our budget. Spouse does not support this because it’s a manual and “not what she wants.” We have two well-functioning vehicles, albeit with high-ish miles, that she drives. This car would be intended exclusively for my use. What would you do?

    #845510 Reply

    Can she drive a manual?

    #845518 Reply

    I would personally find a car we can compromise on and both be happy with. Sorry, I know that’s not what you want to hear.

    I can drive stick, my husband never learned and isn’t really interested in learning. We just don’t buy manual transmission cars, and that’s okay.

    #845527 Reply

    A car is a big purchase and both spouses have to agree on it. If she can’t drive a stick and the other two cars break down (high miles, inevitable really) what are you going to do? If you have the money to immediately replace a car your wife can drive I can see you having a car all to yourself. If not, it’s selfish to buy a car your wife doesn’t like or can’t even drive

    #845529 Reply

    I’m all down for a manual transmission if you’re the only one who is going to be driving it, but you have to keep one thing in mind though, at one point you might need the help of your wife or someone else to operate this vehicle and they won’t be able to help because it’s a manual vehicle. I would go with the automatic transmission for one purpose because you will never know when you will require help. A scenario for you “ you are in one place and the vehicle is in the shop for repairs or servicing and you need it the next morning but cannot pick it up due to some unforeseen hiccup in your day which required you to be in one place for an extended period of time” this would be the perfect time for your wife or some other individual to help you out and pick up your vehicle so you can use it the next day. Think about it…

    #845537 Reply

    What does she want? Why not sell those two old cars and get her one she likes? Then you can have your manual.

    #845542 Reply

    I don’t think it’s smart to buy a manual when your wife can’t drive it. Sometimes you have to compromise. Why not sell the other two and buy something with less miles?

    #845545 Reply

    How do the two of you make decisions in your marriage?

    In my marriage either my husband or I can say that we don’t like something or don’t want something and it is off the table. We find something we both like. No grumbling about what isn’t chosen.

    How do the two of you make those types of decisions? Do you each push for your own preference until one gives in? Do you have a stand off where nothing happens? Does the person who wants it more make the choice? Does the person who pays the money make the choice or do you have shared finances?

    I’d discuss how you make decisions with your wife. Agree on how decisions will be made going forward and then follow that rule. Try not to make it into either I get what I want or my wife gets what she wants. When you have a clear winner and a clear loser one of you will always be angry and that eats away at your marriage. You need to develop a long term approach to making decisions that will support your marriage instead of injuring it.

    #845552 Reply

    If she doesn’t want you to get it then I think you should respect her wishes. If I wanted a car and my husband didn’t want me to get it then I would find a different car (and vice versa).

    #845553 Reply

    When my husband and I got married my husband had a stick shift car. I cannot drive stick. Just earlier this year, 6 years into our marriage, we traded that car in and replaced it with an automatic.

    It seems like such a small thing but it has honestly improved our lives so much. His car is smaller and more fuel efficient, mine has more space (3 rows). Being able to swap cars based on needs, being able to lend ANY of our cars to our parents (Some drive stick, some don’t), being able to carpool in either car (we work at the same place) and then either of us can run out for an errand or grab lunch, being able to share when one is in the shop. It’s really made our lives much easier.

    Demanding a stick shift over her objections is childish. You want a toy. Grow up and be a team player.

    ETA We also have a truck, like you want to be we are a 3 car family. It is still a huge difference for me to be able to use any car.

    • This reply was modified 4 months ago by avatar SpaceySteph.
    #845555 Reply

    Honestly? As this is a third car, I see no problem with you buying the stick. Hell, even with two cars, I think each spouse should drive what THEY want to drive so long as it is a fiscally responsible choice. And fair and equal in value and style and comfort.

    #845556 Reply

    PS — how is her demanding that he get an automatic car that she will NEVER even drive NOT the epitome of fucking childish?

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