Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Buy the car?

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This topic contains 115 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by avatar IfIMay 3 weeks, 5 days ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 116 total)
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  • #845557 Reply
    bagge72
    bagge72
    Participant

    It’s a third car, I say if you are paying for it, and are the only one driving it you should definitely get it. I would never stop my wife from something like that.

    #845558 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    ^^ Exactly.

    #845559 Reply
    avatar
    ktfran
    Participant

    So, I’m guessing that she doesn’t want you to get a “practical, fun” work car because you’re getting something you want and she’s stuck with two car options she’s not crazy about.

    Personally, if she were not going to drive it, I’m with BGM and bagge72 in that I don’t see a problem with you getting this vehicle.

    I like the idea that you sell the other two cars and get her something she wants. Or maybe agree to do so in six months – a year?

    In reality, I don’t think it will matter in a few years. My husband thinks five, I think more like 10 – 15. EV and/or driverless will happen.

    #845570 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    Who chose the two old cars? Did you each bring one into the relationship or have you been buying them? If you chose the last car and now want to choose another car I could see her feeling that it isn’t fair and she gets stuck with your old cars. If she does end up needing to drive this car how will she do that? This looks like someone wanting to make sure that the new car is theirs and only theirs.

    Do you have enough room to park all three cars without someone needing to run out and move the last one that parked so that someone else can leave?

    I don’t know how to drive a stick and we had both a stick and an automatic. My husband did leave me stranded at home once when he ran out and took my car and then wasn’t back when expected and I could have tried to drive his car but he also had his keys. Don’t do something like that. In general I didn’t mind that my husband had a car that I couldn’t drive because I liked the one I was driving better. How much does your wife like the two old cars she will be driving? Again, does this come back to you get a nice car that only you can drive so she is definitely stuck with two old undesirable cars because you are making sure that yours can’t be shared?

    #845571 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    One other thought. You described it as fun and practical but didn’t say what it is. Could it be that you will look like a guy having a midlife crises?

    #845572 Reply

    We have a fast commuter that is fun to drive and gets good gas mileage. My husband drives it. We almost bought a stick, and I’m so glad we didn’t because I drive his car all the time. My car is a huge 7 seat glorified bus. It guzzles gas and is not really fun to drive at all but we frequently go on trips or activities with our family and carpool. If he had bought the stick, it would leave me stranded frequently.

    Sure, they have three vehicles, but two have a lot of miles on them. And she doesn’t want you to get it. That’s the biggest part of this. It’s a big purchase, and she should get a say in it if you’re equal partners. You say “our budget” so that means it’s her money, too. It doesn’t make sense to get a car that your partner isn’t agreeing to and can’t drive.

    #845575 Reply
    avatar
    SpaceySteph
    Participant

    My advice was based on my own experience which is that having a third automatic car has been a noticeable change in convenience and has positively impacted my happiness. I do not think its childish of the wife to request that he not get a car that she cannot ever drive, certainly not on par with as childish as it is to get a car your wife cannot ever drive because you like toys and have a vanity thing for manual transmissions.

    There are plenty of options for fast cars that are automatic. This isn’t the only car in the world, there’s a compromise option out there if both OP and wife can be clear about dealbreakers and must haves and look for a car that satisfies most of them. The key is to talk to your wife, not ask a forum of internet strangers to tell you “sure its your car do what you want” so you can rub her face in it.

    Also I think ktfran is probably right that the wife doesn’t like the cars she has and doesn’t want him to get a big upgrade while she’s driving a couple clunkers around. When my husband and I were buying our last 2 cars we referred to it as a “fleet” and considered them all mutual cars. Even though he drives one 85% of the time and I drive the other 85% of the time its shared money, shared responsibility, shared garage space. We both get a say.

    #845577 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    At any rate, thank God, I’ll never marry a woman so that EVERYFUCKINGTHING… even the god damn car I ALONE DRIVE revolves around her. And thus must meet with her approval…
    .
    Really?
    .
    Okay. Whatever. On a unrelated not, I have absolutely no idea WHY so many people check out of their marriages…

    #845579 Reply
    Miss MJ
    Miss MJ
    Participant

    Why can’t she just learn to drive a manual? Seriously, it’s not that hard.

    #845581 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    EXACTLY. ^^
    .
    To imply it’s some huge challenge is —- frankly — rather retro sexist.

    #845582 Reply
    avatar
    Kate
    Keymaster

    She may just not want to. My mom taught me how at 15, 16 years old when I was motivated to learn, and we lived waaaay out in the suburbs in like a big loop that I could practice in with no fear of hitting a parked car or pedestrian. As an adult in a really congested urban area, I’m not sure I’d be into learning, and I don’t judge my husband for not wanting to bother.

    I can see both sides of this but… there are a lot of benefits to being married, but also some trade-offs. You can’t just do whatever you personally want to do all the time. Big purchases from a joint budget may need to be joint decisions. He’s got to work out a solution with his wife.

    ETA, just thinking about trying to learn to drive a stick in Boston traffic… you’d have people honking furiously if you didn’t immediately move, and they’d start screaming and getting out of their car, god help you if you got stuck or stalled, or rolled back on a hill.

    • This reply was modified 4 weeks ago by avatar Kate.
    #845587 Reply
    avatar
    Ange

    Even though we both have our own cars I’ve had to drive my husband’s car quite a bit over the years. I think it’s important to consider situations where that may be needed. Truthfully I’d be annoyed too if my husband got a flash new car just for him while I was stuck with a crappy clunker, we have a rule that we take turns getting new cars and nobody gets mad that way.

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