Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Buy the car?

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This topic contains 115 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by avatar IfIMay 3 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #845684 Reply
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    IfImay

    I honestly feel like the whole “ it makes sense, it’s for work” part was him already knowing this would be an issue and he , although failed, tried to make it sound logical and practical for him to get the car even though that’s far from the truth. Should have just said he i really like this car and want it and I’ll obviously be the only one driving it because you may not be into it, or something along those lines. I mean , look , my wife for whatever reason LOVES and i mean LOVES, certain shoes and bags, before we got married she showed me a pair of shoes that she paid 2700.00 for ( I’m not kidding) i was beside myself, but after many talks moving forward with our relationship and everything, at the end of the day , people are into what they are into.. i mean obviously if she came to me tomorrow and was like hey I’m buying this bag for 2 grand I’d be taken a back but that’s why we do our financial stuff the way that we do. We both know that we like and want stuff sometimes that neither of us understands. But can accept to a point ya know?

    #845685 Reply
    MaterialsGirl
    MaterialsGirl
    Participant

    Wait.. did this ‘eric’ drop the question and walk away from the conversation? Where’s his follow up or “clarification.”

    #845693 Reply

    “…that has virtually no impact to our budget.”

    OUR BUDGET.
    That’s why I assumed it’s their money.

    And as far as berating everyone who doesn’t agree with you- granted I can only speak for myself, but I don’t care what the outcome is. I’m not mad at the dude for wanting to buy a car. His wife has said no, and he knows that’s the logical outcome, but he wants to be right. And just because he’s using it for “work”- clearly this isn’t a work car. Otherwise his work would be buying it or have a pretty good amount of buy in in the decision.

    If it wasn’t a thing, he wouldn’t have written in for advice. If they already have two cars…why does he even need another one for work?

    #845695 Reply
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    IfIMay

    He just wants the car..if it isn’t going to screw with THEIR finances and be a burden, I don’t see the issue except for her saying no. Why are you all coming down so hard on the guy? And whoever brought mod life crisis…. please, if he is a car guy or just wants the car what part of that spells mid life crisis, give it a rest

    #845696 Reply
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    IfIMay

    Mid* life crisis

    #845698 Reply

    Because she said no. She’s 50% of the deciding vote. And as though he might say it doesn’t hurt their budget, it could impact their savings, vacation, retirement.

    #845699 Reply
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    ele4phant

    On the balance – I think this guy should be able to get this car if he wants it and their finances are what he says they are. However, in a marriage, a major purchase like a car does require mutual sign-off. At least that’s how we do things in my marriage.

    I think her reasons for him not wanting it, at least as presented by him, seem specious.

    But I also think his reasons for wanting a third car also come across as specious. You don’t want this car because you need it and it’s practical, you wants it because you thinks it’ll be fun. Which, that’s cool, I buy plenty of stuff I don’t need and that’s impractical because it brings me joy, and I definitely don’t stop my husband from buying things he wants but we don’t necessarily need. Why have money if you don’t spend it on occasion?

    I get the sense that he’s trying to sell this as a practical purchase because he thinks it’s better framing. But honestly, it seems nonsensical and maybe his wife is just shutting it down because it doesn’t make sense to her. Why are you telling me buying this third car is a common sense decision when we already have two completely functional cars?

    Counter-intuitively, he may be more successful at convincing her to go along if he’s just upfront about why he wants it – I have a long commute, driving stick is fun so it’ll make my commute more bearable, I want to tinker on this car for fun without compromising our other two cars so no matter what there are still two cars you can have access to, we can afford for me to have this frivolity. Knowing that, what concerns do you still have?

    #845700 Reply
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    Keyblade

    Maybe she just wants a new car she feels more excited about driving after work, on dates, and on the weekend?

    I’m not personally on board with a spouse “vetoing” another spouse’s choices. Unless it Made an impact on their finances, I don’t think he’s unjustified buying a car at the same price they are already spending just because he wants it. I just don’t think he’s resolved his wife’s wants or lack there of for this specific car. If he does come back I’d be curious to know if there’s a specific work need he’d resolve by purchasing this car now, if he wants his wife to drive the car at all, how they chose cars before this, or if they allot each other money for individual purchases.

    #845701 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Honestly? I really thought everybody in a marriages at least had their own damn cars. What a dreary headache married life must be. For many.

    #845711 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    You thought all married people have their own cars?

    A lot of people have zero cars. Cars are a luxury they can’t afford, and/or they live in an urban area where it doesn’t make sense to have one. Or a couple may only have one car. For years my parents have just had one. They don’t have separate work commutes that require cars, and there’s the T if they need it.

    My husband has a truck paid for by work, which I can drive but don’t. The second car is “my” car and mostly paid for by me, but I want it to be a car we both like and can drive.

    None of this makes marriage dreary… If having a certain type of car is really important to this guy though, he’s got to figure out how to work with his wife so they both get what they want. Sometimes there are negotiations to get to yes.

    #845725 Reply
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    Vathena

    I’ve been with my husband for 13 years, living together for 11, married 9, have 2 full time jobs and 1 6-year-old child, and have only ever had one car in our household. Sometimes it’s dreary but not because of the car! 😀

    #845734 Reply
    bagge72
    bagge72
    Participant

    Do people really not understand that some families have their personal use vehicles, and then a family member might need a work exclusive car that the company gives them a monthly allotment for? They do this because of the mileage they put on the cars, so you aren’t stuck with high maintenance bills for your on vehicle that a household maybe using. Saying it doesn’t affect their budget to me means that it’s not their money paying for the car, because how else do you afford a new car that doesn’t affect your budget? But this is all speculation.

    On a side note, we do have 2 cars in our family, but only use the newer one, because I take public transportation to work, and it’s more convenient with kids (CUV vs Compact). So our second car sits in the driveway most of the time, until one of us really needs it. It’s been paid off for 5 years now, and gets less than 1,000 miles a year put on it.

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