Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Buy the car?

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This topic contains 115 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by avatar IfIMay 3 weeks, 5 days ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 97 through 108 (of 116 total)
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  • #845789 Reply
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    ele4phant

    BGM is also going off everyone else’s reactions about why she might be justified in not wanting him to get this car.

    At the end of the day Eric told us:

    I’m in the process of getting a third car for work
    We already have two automatics that function pretty well
    This car will have a minimal (but not non-existent) impact on the household finances
    I’ve picked out a particular car that is manual transmission
    My wife does not drive manual, and my wife has said this car isn’t what she wants

    Everything else everyone has brought in has been conjecture, and I’ve read scenarios from either perspective that could be construed as half baked for either spouse.

    #845790 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Some conjectures were simply far wilder than others…Now โ€” take a wild guess as to who they defended. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    #845791 Reply
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    ele4phant

    Oh now, that’s debatable. ๐Ÿ˜‰ I don’t know of that many people with employers that pay a stipend to cover car payments or that outright buy them a car. Cars that require a lot of driving often also usually require you have a car before getting hired (or they loan you a car from their motor pool and you have to give it back when you leave). Stipends for parking, sure, definitely think that’s prevalent.

    I bet there are more people out there with narrow driveways than there are people that have employers that directly help them make car payments.

    #845792 Reply
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    ele4phant

    *JOBS that require lots of driving…

    #845795 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    So my husband has a truck his boss bought for him outright AND we have an insanely narrow and treacherous garage from the 1920s which I canโ€™t get in and out of easily at all.

    &&& anything can happen

    #845796 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Also none of that is related or relevant! The only thing that matters here is that these two need to communicate and negotiate effectively as a couple.

    #845798 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    They need to talk and come to an agreement that leaves them both happy. If one of them ends up resentful whatever car they purchase will leave one of them angry and that will do long term damage to the marriage.

    #845799 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    A lot of people in sales will get a stipend for a car, my BIL and my BFF’s husband among them. A lot of people at my company spend a majority of the day driving to and from meetings with clients, some a couple hours away. Or to other offices in towns that are two to three hours away. Also at my company, a lot of people carry gear (such as hard hats, steel toe boots, yellow vests) around in case they need to go into the field. Not everyone sits in an office all day.

    I really don’t think it’s that far of a stretch to assume he needs this car for a lot of work driving. I do think it’s a further stretch to say he wants a sports car for gallivanting around town when he says it’s for work.

    EDT: I do agree that communication is key. I’m coming from the perspective that this LW really does need his car for a lot of work driving and/or equipment/gear lugging because why would he have said he needed a “work car” otherwise? I’m not jumping to “he’s a liar, he just wants a fun commuter car.”

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 5 days ago by avatar ktfran.
    #845802 Reply
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    ele4phant

    I mean, does your stipend cover the whole cost of your car though?

    In my experience, even among folks I know that all they do is drive, their comped for their gas and a little extra to cover the wear and tear they’ll incur as a result of driving for work. Nobody is getting a stipend that pays for the whole cost of the vehicle. I’ve heard of stipends that cover the work-related expenses, but not like, the monthly payment.

    I don’t doubt that he wants this car for work related reasons. That he needs a car for work related reasons. I can’t say if he’s a person for whom driving is a major component of his job, I can’t say why he needs a new car vs just using one of the cars they have already (not to say there’s not a reasonable explanation; I just can’t speculate about what it is and it’s not super obvious based on his post).

    It does sound like – even if he does get some unmentioned of mileage or a per Diem stipend for his work-related driving – a) some amount of their personal finances are going to go this car, and b) for some reason she has issue with this specific car. Because of a, he’s obligated to work it out with her on point b.

    He needs to be communicating with his wife about what her objections are, and work collaboratively with her to come to a resolution they’re both happy with.

    That’s it.

    #845803 Reply
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    saneinca

    I think it is better if both the kids (LW and his wife) get their own toys -I mean cars, at the same time.

    LW should drive his own car all the time.
    His wife should drive her car all the time.

    No need to squabble over buying/driving cars they don’t want,

    #845804 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    My BIL’s company literally gave him money to buy a work car. He could choose to buy within that budget or he and my sis could pay more if they wanted something out of that budget. Same with my BFF’s husband. So yes, it happens. As for people at my company, you’re right, they get paid gas mileage, or some rent a car if they don’t want to add extra wear and tear to their personal vehicles. I just take Uber/Lyft or fly everywhere. I don’t really care if his work pays, I’m merely pointing out that companies do because you seem to think it’s impossible.

    We can all agree that they need to communicate. I honestly don’t understand why people started bashing him, making up stories about his car needs, when all he said is he needed a car for work. He wants a stick shift. His wife said no for some reason I personally can’t fathom because I don’t understand why you’d need to drive all three cars. Some people are lucky to be able to afford one!

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 5 days ago by avatar ktfran.
    #845806 Reply
    CurlyQue
    CurlyQue
    Participant

    The fact is LW knew his wife couldn’t drive stick, and was PURPOSEFULLY searching for a manual car (“I insist on manual transmission”). Why? Why was one of his main criteria for something she can’t drive?

    I agree that for a big purchase that effects BOTH of their finances then yes, they should be in agreement. Looking for a bunch of internet people to agree with him will not help “win” this with his wife, nor would it be positive for their relationship for him to stream roll her and get it anyway.

    If he wants what he wants, then sure listen to BGM and you can enjoy your nice new car while you’re in couples therapy or divorced. The primary object should be the relationship (long term) not getting yourself an extra car (short term).

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