Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Can't accept the fact that he will have a child

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Can't accept the fact that he will have a child

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  • #855469 Reply

    Hi, last summer I met a guy with whom we were sort of dating but were not exactly a couple as he had recently broke up with his fiancee (wife-to-be) and wasn’t ready to start a relationship. There was no friends with benefits situation, and we were just getting to know each other. To cut a long story short, at christmas we argued and lost contact for 3 months. After 3 months he contacted me and we decided to become a proper couple as he was ready by then. However, soon after, he found out that during the interval that we had lost contact, he had got a woman (with whom he had a fling with) pregnant. The baby will be born any day now. Ive always said that I couldn’t be with someone who has a child and I’ve been in a dilemma for months now as I know that problems will be caused if we are together. Obviosuly I will be neglected as the baby will be his priority, which is completely understandable. He feels obliged to be contacting the mother every day and cares a lot about this baby. What would you do in my shoes? Many thanks in advance

    #855476 Reply
    avatarRuby Tuesday

    If you believe that you can’t be with someone who has a child, don’t be with him.

    #855477 Reply

    Get out now. You don’t have that much time invested, you’ve already broken up once, and you don’t want to be with somebody who has a kid. Move on. Problem solved!

    #855485 Reply

    There’s only one choice here. You don’t want to be with someone who has a child. He has a child. Break it off and find yourself a guy who doesn’t have children.

    You said you’d be “neglected” because he has a child. That’s kind of a strange way to look at it. My boyfriend has kids, and I never once felt neglected. There were plenty of times we couldn’t get together because he had something going on with the kids, but that’s not neglect. That’s prioritizing.

    In any relationship, you’re not going to be each other’s top priority every minute of every day. Work will sometimes be the higher priority. Taking care of a sick or elderly parent. Taking care of your own kids. Helping a friend. Helping a family member. I just had to cancel out on a dinner with his friends because my mother was sick and I needed to be with her. It’s just not realistic to think that you’re going to be getting all the attention, all the time.

    #855501 Reply

    This just isn’t for you. And that’s OK.

    #855521 Reply

    Yes to all the advice written above. Move on. It’s perfectly acceptable not dating someone because he has a child.

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