Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Can’t get her out of my head.

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Can’t get her out of my head.


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  • #862603 Reply

    Me 28 yrs not pretty not ugly just a regular normal m****
    Her 24 yrs clouded judgment the most beautiful girl in the world
    We work in call center(office work)

    I can’t get this girl out of my head we have been colleagues at work for a year now. At first i did not think of her much just another pretty girl and yeah she is gorgeous, but at that time i just ended a 3 year long relationship with another girl and was kind of out of shape and and definitely wanted some freedom from any romantic extravaganzas. As time went by we got to know each other a little better and I took a liking of her but she has a boyfriend which i respected and never crossed any boundaries, and so this friendly chat continued. The more time we spent together at work the more i felt like i was falling for her, this was the first girl in my life that I had so many things in common that up to this day it terrifies me. Time went by and although my flirt game is complete trash i started to notice things like she would look at me from a distance when i was talking with other colleagues or she would curl her hair when i was telling a story to her or for that matter find first object in sight and keep her fingers busy with it for the rest of the conversation, whenever i would come to assist her in work matters we could get pretty close physically to a point where her hand or even breast would touch my hand and she did not shy away an inch. I was thinking to is this for real? Nah shake it off and move on i would tell myself and so i did.

    About 6 months ago we had a big corporative event where we rented a huge villa and just had fun drinking playing table games, swimming volleyball she had a few drinks and started to get pretty touchy with me like she would come take some thing out of my pocket or grab me by my hair or torso, ask me to watch her swim or drink with her. The party went on and to relax and stop thinking about her i just went and got drunk and that was it the next day I gave it a though and said to myself nah she is a very decent girl and has a long relationship with her boyfriend just forget about it and so the office talks continued.

    Two weeks ago we had another one of those parties and this time i was over her i felt good about myself as for the past year i got in shape, quit smoking, got my life together and shined confidence all around and no pretty girl could ruin that night for me or so i thought. I haven’t seen her for the first part of the event because we were divided in teams of 4 and she was not on my team. Evening came quickly as i had a blast I entered the big room where all the people were and start talking with everyone about the event moving down the line and slowly but surely drifting towards her. She was sitting there at very end of a long table and looked very sad. So I said “Hi, maybe wanna a beer?” The answer was resounding “Yes”. Few beers later all official necessities were over and the after party began. Beer pong, swimming pools, Jacuzzi, Sauna you name it. I called all sauna lovers her included to join me about 5 of us went and we sat there talking, joking, drinking. As her alcohol levels progressed the touchy, give me some attention shenanigans began again, i was tipsy too so i just went with those. Until she got real drunk then the breaking point happened I’m not a big drinker so i stopped midway and left her with the drinking coalition when i came back she grabbed me by my hand pulling me towards her and landing my whole arm between her breasts, she grabbed my ass and squeezed it firmly putting her lips near my left ear and said “I will get what i want”, I looked at her and she was wasted i removed my hand from her chest and pushed her away gently without saying a word. I left, 10 minutes later she passed out drunk in her room . Why did i pushed her away ? 1. I’m stupid 2. Fantasizing getting with her was on my mind but not when she was wasted like that. 3. I honestly panicked.
    She left a party that morning while i was still asleep, she called her boyfriend to pick her up.

    That action of hers made something tick in me and now i can stop thinking about her but not only in sexual way in every way imaginable doing all the stuff we talk about at work with her and it progressed to a point where i getting very concerned she is on my mind 24/7. First thought as i wake up ? Her. Any activity that i passionately enjoy ? Her with me. Can’t focus at work, can’t relax in free time. It is literally killing me.

    So of course i gave it good thought and came to few conclusions:

    1. I can f*** her brains out the next opportunity presents itself, but that only satisfies a small part of my obsession with her, as she still has that god damn boyfriend.

    2. Roll the dice and tell her how i feel and be as honest with her as possible.

    3. Do everything in my power to get her out of my head and become the best version of myself.

    The problem is that it got so bad i don’t think 3 is an option anymore 15 minutes of her time a day (SHE ALWAYS COMES TO TALK TO ME) is like a dose of morphine… So I’m moving more towards option 2 but seeing my judgment so clouded maybe a voice of reason can give me some advice?


    #862607 Reply

    I don’t normally reply to these but I felt compelled this time. Seriously dude, wtf is wrong with you? This whole post reeks of perverse obessesion. You don’t see this woman as a human being, you see her as the object to star in your little fantasies. Do you seriously feel GUILTY over NOT taking advantage of a woman who was hardly conscious for the duration of them? And for you to dwell on this to the point of your obessesion hindering you from doing anything else? This is not okay and it is certainly not healthy. For both your sakes I would really suggest you avoid her in anything but a professional setting and for you to seek counseling, like yesterday.

    #862611 Reply

    1. She is not a GIRL. She’s a grown woman.

    2. I am glad you didn’t take advantage of her inebriated state, because that’s called RAPE.

    I do think it’s a major mistake to ask her if she wants a beer or anything like that at work parties. Keep your distance.

    3.She has a bf. Don’t be that guy. If she’d cheat with you, she’ll cheat on you.

    4.You work with her.

    She doesn’t make moves on you when she is sober. Meaning, don’t drink with her. Don’t make a move on her. Go out with your buddies and meet a lady you don’t work with. If she rubs her breast against your arm, move away. Don’t be alone with her at work. This is seriously a sexual harassment suit just waiting to happen.

    #862612 Reply

    If the only opportunity to “fuck her brains out” presents when she’s ten minutes from passing out, that will make you a rapist. You did the right thing by pushing her away when she was in that state. Not being a rapist is nothing to regret.
    Talk to her when she’s sober if you want, but otherwise I’d keep your distance until this infatuation passes.

    #862616 Reply

    I’m don’t usually think letters are fake, but, dude, did this really happen? That whole “I will get what I want” line … that just screams fake to me. Plus, what company are you working for that regularly rents out villas for corporate events with beer pong? These sound more like frat parties. But if this is legit and not some hamfisted attempt at a Penthouse Forum submission, congratulations on not raping a drunk woman. Please stop obsessing about her, stop drinking with her at parties and keep things strictly professional at work. You might even want to look into transferring departments or something for your own mental health if you can’t get past this.

    #862617 Reply

    Thank you.

    #862660 Reply

    Hm, well, I read this whole post as being authored by a woman, but it doesn’t change what I’d say.

    What in the world job do you work that involves drunken swimming and saunas at a corporate event? Anyway, is that how you would really want to start any relationship? With drunken cheating? C’mon, aim higher.

    #862863 Reply

    LW – this is creepy. You are being creepy. She isn’t available, which you know. She only makes advances when she is drunk, which you’ve acknowledged and yet you seem to think that there is some sort of hope? Stop it, neither one of you are making good choices, but yours would make you a rapist. The way you talk about her is demeaning, and so fucking invasive.

    Get yourself into therapy immediately.

    #862945 Reply

    Your company should hire a better HR department and talk to its lawyers about the events it runs.

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