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Well, I think it’s good that you can look at your own behavior and recognize it is lending itself to bad patterns and outcomes. You can get into that with your therapist and try to figure out why you do this, how to change your behavior, etc.
I suspect that, like any normal human, you like connecting with other humans and in particular, you like feeling desired. Which is not a Bad Thing. It’s a nice feeling.
However… based on your language, it seems that you’re so down on yourself that you’re ignoring every red flag because you’d rather be liked than be discerning.
I wish you could stop wondering if a guy likes you and determine if he’s worth your time and effort. This guy sounds like he has more problems – and at 50 – well you can’t love those problems away.
Go do things that you love. Meet some new people. Find your flamboyance of flamingos.
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