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Dear Wendy

Can’t stand my husbands friend

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  • #1073461 Reply

    Has your partner ever met a friend that you cannot stand? My husband made a new friend a few months ago and now he’s the only person he hangs out with. This guy is a total jerk and not very friendly to me. My husband says that he hasn’t met another guy that he’s clicked with so well. I’ve tried to hang out with them and get to know him a little better but every time I do I just have this bad taste in my mouth. It’s to the point where I can’t stand him so much I don’t even want to hang out with him and my husband. What would be your best advice moving forward with their relationship?

    #1074792 Reply

    Talk to your husband about specifically this is the person he clicks with so well. Perhaps husband and this guy are a great friend match and you are so upset about friend, because seeing how awful the guy is (looking at him as a third party spouse of his friend, your husband) allows you to admit to the awfulness of parts of what you see in your husband’s behavior and thinking. For them to click as greatly as your husband says, there must be a lot of similarity of interests, thinking, whatever. Therapy to take a good look at your feelings and the guy your husband actually is.

    #1074812 Reply

    Perhaps it shows some weakness of character in your husband, as he pairs with a person you describe as unpleasant and narcissic who discards you. To click with a friend is nice. To be so much absorbed and exclusive is strange, especially as you seem to have completely different opinions on the guy. You don’t give examples of his “jerk” personality, so this is difficult to really assess the situation.

    Anyway, if this guy says or makes something objectively awful, say it loud and disagree heartily. Tell your husband that you can’t find him a nice person and a good connection. If he is unpleasant to you especially, mock him, within the couple, joke about your husband’s dependence, fandomstyle, groupie fascination, rather than focus on the guy. It is fine to have friends on your own, and you don’t have to like and validate all his friends. It is ok if you don’t join them. But a sound and healthy distance, a critical mind, an independence in personality and timetable regarding friends is important for a couple to be functional. So recall your husband just that, to be balanced in his life.
    Then, make sure you do have some fun time together as a couple, don’t let this guy haunt you. At the end of the day, I would wonder wether your husband is not a fool in his own way. Or perhaps, a closeted gay? Watch, discuss with your husband with some sense of humour and don’t force yourself to spend time with someone you dislike.

    #1074813 Reply

    Personally, I’d just let him hang with his friend and you do your own thing during that time.

    #1074873 Reply

    My wife has friends that I dislike. Unless it’s otherwise affecting your relationship, maybe just don’t hang out with them.

    #1074974 Reply

    Hi Tina. Your husband’s friend is a woman and this has been going on for years and it’s an affair.

    #1074978 Reply

    And you need to leave.

    #1075181 Reply

    Ooof, Tina.

    Your posts are just getting sadder. He’s never going to respect or love you the way you want him to. I’m sorry. I hope you can take the next steps to leave soon.

    #1075246 Reply

    Tina, what really happened here?

    #1075268 Reply


    #1075495 Reply

    Oof the plot twist I was not expecting.

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