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Catching Feelings

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by avatar Essie 5 months ago.

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  • #841082 Reply
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    Grey123

    So me and this guy have been casually hooking up since March. We usually just see each other like once a week. We live kinda far from each other but I work near where he lives and go out near him too so that’s when I see him.

    I know I should probably end it because I can feel myself catching feelings but I just can’t get myself to!! I’m starting to feel badly because it’s clear he doesn’t want to actually spend anytime outside the bedroom and doesn’t text me at all or anything (besides when he wants to hookup), but I still can’t get myself to walk away.

    I know since we don’t live that close it’s not even realistic that anything beyond hooking up would happen. I don’t even think I know him that well- maybe because he’s the first guy after my recent ex that I feel a weird attachment to him. It’s kind of concerning and weird how much I think about him considering I barely even speak to or see him!! Does anyone have any advice on how to walk away or get over him?

    #841090 Reply
    FireStar
    FireStar
    Participant

    There is no magic formula. You understand this isn’t a good situation for you. You tell him you aren’t interested in continuing it and then you block him and delete his contact information. If there isn’t even a friendship between you two then, truly, all you are removing is sexual contact… and the seemingly unrealistic hope that it could be more. This isn’t about your inability to do something. Clearly you are able to end things. This is just about choosing to do so.

    #841106 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    The bad thing for you about continuing this situation is the amount of time you spend thinking about him. You are spending your emotional energy on a guy who isn’t available for a relationship and doesn’t want to be available. You are wrapped up in him to the point that if you met a great guy who you would otherwise like and be interested in dating you won’t even notice him because your emotional energy is going to this guy you can’t have.

    You walk away by walking away. You decide that this situation isn’t good for you, it isn’t working for you and you finish it. This is self care. Tell him you are done and block him.

    #841118 Reply
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    ron

    Masturbation. Seriously. You know this guy cares not a bit for you and if you’re honest, you are more horny than catching feelings. How can you catch feelings for a guy this aloof who only wants to bang you. You can enjoy the sex and miss him when you’re horny, but I guarantee you if he is that obviously into only occasional sex with you, with zero pretense of friendship or caring, then you have zero idea who he is as a person. There are other guys you will find sexy. Some of them will actually be interested in you as a person and willing to share who they are as a person with you. This guy isn’t even there when he’s with you. MOA. Block him.

    #841242 Reply

    You just have to stop and choose to block, delete, not respond. He doesn’t seem to actually like you. He doesn’t even treat you as a FWB, because even in that scenario-there’s a form of friendship. With this guy, he only wants sex, and you know that. That’s not what you want, so even though it might be hard to turn him down, you need to do what is best for you.

    It’s probably worth reflecting on why or even how you could catch feelings for someone who barely talks to you and only wants sex.

    #841370 Reply
    avatar
    dinoceros
    Member

    You just have to decide to. Right now, you’re choosing instant gratification. You like how you feel when you hang out with him, and you are wanting to delay feeling sad or missing him. But you’re going to feel that way eventually, so might as well do it now. Otherwise, the feeling good is going to slowly turn into feeling bad. The sooner you do it, the sooner you can get over him and move on.

    #841375 Reply
    avatar
    Essie
    Participant

    Sometimes we have to give ourselves a bit of tough love. Look at the situation with clear eyes:

    You’re right in saying that it’s not realistic that anything will come of this beyond hooking up. But not because of the distance. Because he has absolutely no interest in you. Not as a girlfriend, not even as a friend. He’s so uninterested that he can’t be bothered to text you, except when he wants is to use your body to get off.

    Meaningless sex is fine if you both want it to be meaningless. You don’t. You want more. You can’t stay in a no-strings situation when you have romantic feelings for the person. Just send him a quick text saying the situation isn’t working for you and you won’t be seeing him again. Then block him so you won’t be tempted if he tries to get you to hook up again.

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