Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Caught boyfriend watching Bi Porn

Home Forums General Chat Caught boyfriend watching Bi Porn

  • This topic has 10 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 8 months ago by avatarThu_Ogallita_69.
Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #865239 Reply
    avatarBella2640
    Guest

    Hi, I’m having some issues in my relationship. I found my boyfriend watching bi porn, 2 guys and 1 girl. He won’t admit it was him that watched it, but it’s only us two in the apartment. When confronted about it he turns angry telling me to get out and calling me crazy. He finally admitting that when he was younger an older guy gave him blowjobs. But i don’t believe that’s the full truth. I think he likes when guys give him blowjobs maybe even have sex with him. I don’t think he’s ever cheated on me, but I can’t talk about it with him because he just gets upset with me. We’ve been together longer than a year now and I don’t know what to do. Any help is great.

    #865289 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    Being Bi doesn’t make you more likely to cheat. Was he raised in a religion that forbids homosexuality? Were the blow jobs consensual? When you questioned him did you let your homophobia show? He’s still the same person he was before you discovered that he views that porn & had his dick in a dudes mouth

    #865298 Reply
    avatarPart-time Lurker
    Guest

    Based on the way you’ve phrased things and your boyfriend’s reaction, were these blowjobs from an older man consensual?

    #865299 Reply
    avatarPart-time Lurker
    Guest

    Also, a three way is pretty standard for porn. I’m not sure I see the problem. Why ard you so freaked out by this?

    #865305 Reply
    avatarcdobbs
    Guest

    LW I think I understand what you are feeling….I’ve only ever dated one guy who openly admitted he was bisexual, but I couldn’t deal with it….i felt deep down that he was probably just into guys and because I was a woman I would never be what he wanted (I know i’m assuming a lot here and was probably wrong)….i think people watch a lot of stuff in porn that does not necessarily translate to what they would do in real life….and i don’t think just because he had experiences with a man in the past that doesn’t mean that he isn’t attracted to you now or more likely to cheat….but i do understand that from the outside it can seem that way….we never really know what someone is thinking, so we make assumptions based on their behaviour that isn’t always correct….best advice i could give is just to talk to him and see if he will tell you what he really wants

    #865308 Reply
    avatarAllornone
    Guest

    Your boyfriend may be bi. If he is, it’s not a big deal. It doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat; it doesn’t mean he’s incapable of monogamy; it doesn’t mean anything that will affect your actual relationship. He’s still the same guy you fell in love with. That hasn’t changed.

    That being said, if these blowjobs weren’t consensual, then your boyfriend has a history of being sexually abused. That should be explored and treated with sympathy/empathy (rather than your suspicion and apparent disgust). I hope that (again, if it wasn’t consensual) he was or is in therapy to work through any issues that may have caused and that you are there for him. If the blowjobs were consensual, again, it doesn’t affect your relationship any more than a past female sexual encounter. Get over that. As for the porn? Part-time Lurker is right- that’s pretty standard and nothing to get your panties in a twist about. Get over that too.

    #865313 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Imagine for a minute that you were curious about some kind of sex and looked for videos online. A threesome pops up. You watch it briefly. Then your partner snoops on your search history and harasses you about it and demands to know if you are bi.

    That’s what this sounds like. That you are homophobic and you’re accusing him of being bi.

    I just don’t understand the big deal. You should see my internet searches. Probably 75% of the stuff I search for is pure curiosity, not interest necessarily. Just because he watched it, or searched for it doesn’t mean that’s his fantasy or anything. And so what if it is? Threesomes are a very common fantasy.

    And yeah, the admission that an older man performed oral sex on him when he was younger sounds a lot like abuse, not a sexual preference. But even if it wasn’t, if it was of age and consensual…please explain to me how his past sex life and experimentation has anything to do with your current relationship with him. He doesn’t owe you a complete history of his past, just like you don’t owe him that. I think you’re getting pushback from him and making him angry and upset because it’s none of you’re business. And it’s seems more than judgmental.

    Confront your own homophobia and be a kinder person. Stop asking him for answers. You either love him or you don’t. Are you worried that he might cheat, or that he’s bi? Stop snooping on his internet activity. It’d be one thing if he was on Grindr or trying to date or something. He watched one video! That doesn’t mean he’s about to cheat on you. Give me a break.

    #865417 Reply
    avatarEssie
    Participant

    You seem to be thinking that if he’s bi, he must want to have sex with guys on the side. That’s not how it works. A bi friend explained it really well. She’s capable of feeling sexual attraction to both men and women, and she has fallen in love with both men and women. She’s only ever been in monogamous relationships. It’s just that the pool of possible partners is bigger for her.

    I would be a little concerned that he doesn’t want to discuss it with you, just because it sounds like he’s not entirely comfortable with his own sexuality. Or maybe he’s just feeling defensive because you got upset about it. Either way, if you can’t talk openly or comfortably about his sexuality (or yours), I don’t have a lot of hope for this relationship.

    #865424 Reply
    CopaCopa
    Participant

    Porn preferences aren’t necessarily a reflection of a person’s real-life sexual preferences, nor does being bisexual make someone more likely to cheat. And agree that this sounds like your boyfriend may have been the victim of abuse.

    If this were my relationship I’d be more concerned about this turning into a confrontation (Why does this need to be confrontational? Just talk!) ending with my boyfriend getting angry, calling me crazy, and asking me to leave. I mean… yikes.

    #867720 Reply
    avatarSea Witch
    Guest

    “When confronted about it he turns angry telling me to get out and calling me crazy.”
    Uh oh… that’s a red flag. Watching porn isn’t, but telling you you can’t trust your own perceptions, calling you crazy, not admitting to even watching it (who the heck does he think is???) – that’s gaslighting.
    Getting angry to get you to back off questioning is another one. Is he going to do this every time you question his behaviour.
    This guy sounds like bad news.

    #872803 Reply
    avatarThu_Ogallita_69
    Guest

    Hi Bella,
    I’m going to try to help you with this issue with your boyfriend. First of all, you need to know that if your boyfriend watches porn, he maybe is unsatisfied with you. This can be because you both should try to do more things together, you know what I mean 😉😉, or maybe he feels he needs to try new things like meeting boys.
    So, if I were you, I would break up with him because I wouldn’t be able to have a relationship while I know he is watching bi porn. And about what he had to live when he was young, you should recommend him to go to an specialist and this way he can solve this problem.
    But, now you have the decide if you want to be with a boy who is doing thins he mustn’t do in a relationship, or if you want to do the best for your relationship and break up with him. I wish you can solve this and you both can continue your lifes with no problems.
    Thu_Ogallita_69

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
Reply To: Caught boyfriend watching Bi Porn
Your information: