Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Cheating husband

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  • #1101189 Reply

    My husband was out tonight and he’d left his work phone at home. Something made me look at it and I found messages from a girl rearranging “meeting up for one hour”. I googled the number, and to cut a long story short, he’s been to see an escort twice. The first time was while I was in hospital having surgery to figure out why we are struggling with conceiving our second baby. I’m heartbroken /angry /disgusted with him and I literally don’t know what to do. We’ve been together 8 years, he’s the best husband ever and I never ever imagined he’d do something like this.
    How do I confront him without him going all defensive saying I shouldn’t have been looking on his phone?!

    #1101190 Reply

    I wouldn’t even worry about him arguing that. It’s likely the only card he has so he’s going to play it but certainly nowhere near as egregious an offence as cheating on your wife with escorts. Just do whatever you need to do to get through this and let him twist in the wind, look after yourself.

    #1101192 Reply

    If he saw a hooker while you were having surgery, then there is something very wrong with him. It’s very likely he has cheated more than twice. Stay silent until you can gather the information that he has been hiding from you. (Yes, he has been hiding things from you; this is the tip of the iceberg.) Your priorities:
    1. Get yourself checked for STDs — WITHOUT TELLING HIM.
    2. Make copies of every financial document that you see if he is stealing marital funds — WITHOUT TELLING HIM.
    3. Talk to the three best lawyers in your area — WITHOUT TELLING HIM.

    Just because you talk to a lawyer doesn’t mean you have to divorce, but you have to get into self-protection mode, because this person is NOT honest. Don’t tell yourself, “oh, he would never do THAT.” Remember: while you were in surgery, he was paying a hooker. Your next move is to get as much information as possible — while in stealth mode.

    #1101197 Reply

    “he’s the best husband ever”

    No, you know this isn’t true. Most husbands don’t cheat on their wives, especially when they’re in hospital having surgery to try to have a second child with said husband.

    What about him makes you think him the ‘best husband ever’. If you believe that, why are you snooping his phone?

    #1101222 Reply

    FYI is absolutely right. Your “best husband ever” has been putting your health and emotional well being at risk. You need to protect yourself and your interests ASAP.

    #1101225 Reply

    Cheating is bad, but “cheating while my wife is getting surgery so we can have a baby together” is really deeply low.

    #1101829 Reply

    Hi Victoria.

    Firstly what he’s done is totally unacceptable and to do it whilst you were having surgery makes this even worse.
    I really feel for you you must be very hurt by this.
    I don’t think you should be worried about him getting angry because you snooped as what he’s done is a million times worse. Snooping is not okay but I do think if gut instinct is trying to tell us something then we should go with it which is what you probably felt at the time.

    So you know he’s cheated you know it’s with escorts. You know it’s whilst you were vulnerable undergoing surgery so what do you want to do now? Will having him admit it and hearing it from his mouth make any difference to what you know?
    Do you want him to be truthful and you will forgive or are you going to divorce him? I think if he has a go at you for snooping then he’s obviously not a genuine person with good character as any decent guy would not try to turn the tables on to you but will hold their hands up and grovel. The fact he’s done what he’s done means he’s not decent and hasn’t got his family’s best interest at heart as when you were at a vulnerable point in hospital he was enjoying himself with someone else.
    You my lovely deserve better and you’re worth so much more than that.

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