Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Christmas gift from ex

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  • #813099 Reply

    So we broke up almost two years ago. Messy breakup. He found a new girlfriend instantly. Not surprised since she was always hanging around the last several months before he broke it off. We have kids together so we still talk daily. This year his gf gave me a Christmas present.
    Trying to understand why she is trying so hard to get me to like her…
    Or should I… ?

    #813106 Reply

    Maybe she realised that the kids are always going to be part of his life and she wants to try and make it as amicable as possible.

    Or maybe she is trying to lull you into a false sense of security. In which case, the devious part of my brain says, ‘hope for the best, but prep for the worst’.

    You can be pleasant to her. You don’t have to be BFFs.

    #813122 Reply

    I agree. My husbands ex has and I worked hard on being able to be friendly for the child. It just makes life easier for everyone. Sounds thoughtful to me.

    #813157 Reply

    Well what was the gift? If it makes you uncomfortable to get a gift from her then you need to learn polite ways of turning gifts down. You dont mention how your relationship is with your ex but usually gifts symbolize a peace offering. Maybe its time to put aside any hard feelings and move forward.

    #813160 Reply

    It’s likely because of the kids. You’re also a daily part of her boyfriend’s life so it makes sense to shoot for a friendly relationship. You don’t need to be buddies but it helps if you two can trust each other—particularly if she’s around your children. Hopefully things are better between you and you ex now.

    #813164 Reply

    Honestly, I am betting that your ex and her are going to get engaged soon or she is hoping for that. That way they can try to start building a good coparenting relationship.

    #813319 Reply

    as someone who has dated someone with kids please give her a break….it is actually a very nice gesture and it shows maturity and sets a great example for the kids that even though their parents aren’t together doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t like each other or be civil to one another

    #813806 Reply

    Yeah, to me this all just seems like a genuinely nice gesture. Stop looking to be annoyed. Really? What do you have to gain from that?

    #813850 Reply

    Trying to understand why she is trying so hard to get me to like her…

    I mean, yes. This is what she’s trying to do. She sees a future with your ex, you and he have children, so she probably wants there to be an easy relationship between the three of you. Which, while you don’t have to love her, you should want the same thing for your kids, yes?

    If you feel uncomfortable with her giving you gifts, that’s fine I think you can express that to her or your ex, but sounds like she wants to have a decent relationship with you, I hope you too are on your best behavior for the kids.

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