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“Concerned About Husband’s Behavior to Step-Daughter”

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  • #962940 Reply
    avatarDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    From a LW:

    “I’m not sure where to start. My husband and I have been married for seven years, and we’ve had our issues with porn and cam girls. Ive worked through it with my therapist and don’t find him watching porn concerning since he wasn’t branching out anymore. Though recently I’ve become worried about the type of porn he is watching/searching. I have a 12 year old daughter, he’s known since she was 4 and he’s been her father figure since and growing up my family didn’t show affection, so it’s always made me anxious when they do.

    She is developing rather fast and sometimes her clothes can be a little suggestive. I don’t say anything because I don’t want her to become self conscious about her body like I am, but at the same time I don’t want my husband looking at her differently. But his browser history concerns me because he’s Recently started looking at daddy-stepdaughter porn. I don’t How I should approach him about being disturbed by this. “

    #962944 Reply
    avatarHeatherly
    Guest

    Ohhh no, nope!! WTF?! That man would be out of house & divorced so fast he wouldn’t even realise until the door hit him on his way out. I’ve nothing against men watching porn but he’s got previous for stepping out of line sexually. I would also check with my daughter too to see if she needs therapy and feels abused etc. Sorry, but NO! Get him out of your lives.ps get therapy yourself for low self esteem issues & missing red flags too.

    #962946 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    Your husband Ys fantasizing about fucking your daughter and reinforcing that interest with his porn. You seem to want to be a good mother. Why are you leaving your daughter in this situation? From what you wrote, you know in your gut how this ends if you don’t take your daughter and never see this man again. Is he ever alone with your daughter? You have the most important choice of your life: keep this perverted asshole so YOU don’t feel lonely, or prevent him from messing up your daughter for life. That really shouldn’t be a difficult choice. MOA right now and get a legal order to keep him away from you and your daughter. Print out his porn history to show to the judge if he denies what he’s been watching. Don’t tell him you’re leaving, just go. This is very serious stuff and he may well become violent to avoid disclosure.

    #962947 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    I just don’t see how you have any option but to immediately leave the relationship. There’s too much risk to your daughter.

    Also, it’s not relevant how fast she’s developing or how she dresses.

    #962949 Reply
    avatarPeggy
    Guest

    Yes,get out now-you have run out of rationalizing and denials. Time to act to protect your daughter. Very unhealthy situation for both of you.

    #962950 Reply
    avatarAnn
    Guest

    Really hope nothing happens, but by not taking any action you’re just waiting for your daughter to get molested.
    And if it does happen it will be too late, please don’t take any chances, there are plenty of decent men out there, but you can’t change your daughter..

    #962951 Reply
    avatarHazel
    Participant

    Definitely leave, I realise this isn’t the easiest of times to do that but don’t delay, make a plan and stick to it. One of the few times checking someone’s browser history was the absolute right thing to do, you had a gut instinct something was up, now you know it is and you have to act. Apart from protecting your daughter I’m sure your own life will improve.

    #962952 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    Get out. Get out. Get out. I don’t know if this means he has a five percent chance of doing something or an eighty percent chance but whatever it is, it is much too high.

    #962953 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    I also think if you have to ask a bunch of strangers about how to approach your husband about this, your marriage is not that strong, or something is off. Or you didn’t deal properly in couple’s therapy about the past porn use.

    You basically just say that you don’t completely trust him because of his past behavior, you checked his browser history, and, while you don’t necessarily believe he’s looking to act on those fantasies, you can’t take that risk with your daughter. And so you need to immediately remove her and yourself from the situation. And you need him to leave. Now.

    #962954 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    You don’t have to worry about approaching him about this, you can just ask him to leave. You might want to invite a family member or friend who can be with you and make sure he gets out.

    You need to sit down with your daughter and ask her some hard questions. Has he ever made her feel uncomfortable? Has he ever touched her? It would probably be a good idea to schedule a appointment with a counselor for her/yourself.

    Your daughter should be your number one priority here. Her safety should be your top concern. He shouldn’t get a chance to explain or another chance. This is serious. It’s disturbing. You have seen his behavior escalate and he needs to leave, ASAP. Make a plan and get him out. Maybe your daughter could stay with a friend or family member while you deal with this situation.

    #962955 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Your relationship was full of distrust- even after therapy you didn’t trust him. I’m not coming down on your for that- your intuition was correct. I’m more concerned that your relationship was so poor and you seemed to think this issue could be resolved with a conversation. It cannot.

    Protect your daughter, above anything else.

    #962956 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    You do need to go into it with, this is why I’m asking you to leave.

    It’s not a discussion, where he gets to wind you up and convince you this is just a fantasy, he’d never act on it, etc., or try to flip this all around and make it about you not trusting him. Nope. You do not pass go when you’re looking at stepdaughter porn and you have a stepdaughter in the house. You are done. You need to GTFO.

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