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Confused: does he just want to hookup or he genuinely likes me?

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This topic contains 17 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by avatar PDX816 1 week, 3 days ago.

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  • #806930 Reply
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    kaleymlil

    Im in early 20s and I really liked this guy. I met him online and he asked me out multiple times that i finally decided to go out with him. I went out with him two times, and he never took me out on “actual dates,” like dinner, etc., and it was always casual. But again its my last year in college and he is working having a year off, but still we are young tight on budget which was understandable.

    The second time we met, we went to a viewpoint and chatted hours, and came to my place and had beers, talked hours. I thought we really clicked, and we both got drunk, and i played the violin for him. It was just really meaningful and different to me, and he told me he did not expect the night would turn out this good, saying he wants to take me out on an actual date next time, telling me he really enjoys my company, etc. He asked me how i see us, which i took as a good sign and i said i want to get to know him more and im down to go on dates. We did not have sex that night, we just made out and we slept in same bed. The next day, he said he will go home and i can maybe come to his place later and say hi to his grandmother (His grandmother is French, and i grew up in France so he told me she always tells him she wants him find a French girl).

    But things kind of died after, he didnt really follow through. He did not invite me to his house to meet his grandmother, nor we met that day. Also, after few days he hit me up, but it was more like casual and spontaneous. He spontaneously asked me to hang out few times after that night, but I always said no because i needed to plan things out. After rejecting his spontaneous offers few times, i told him i need things to be planned. But he still didnt; and after rejecting him few times more, i finally told him “we will never hang out because i told you i need things be planned.” But he still wouldnt! Probably 2-3 times he asked me what i was doing this weekend, but that was when i was actually really busy. But mostly he only asked me out on the same day or a day before, and eventually its been already 4-5 months since we last saw each other, though he hit me up probably every week or every other week.

    So basically i was really disappointed since i thought we really clicked but it didnt go anywhere, and all the sweet things he said seemed really genuine that night but later seemed to me that he wasnt putting much effort to see me.

    And last week for halloween, he invited me a day before, “hey, i know its a last minute, but do you want to be my date for halloween?” I found it really odd, and i did not say yes. But he posted on his snapchat implying he was going through a tough time, and i told him I would pray for him. And then he asked me multiple times to come for halloween so i just decided to stop by.

    When i went there, it was mostly with his close friends that he grew up with, and there was also his youngest brother. He told me his younger brother killed himself 2 months ago in his parents house that he grew up with, so he was devastated and i felt really sorry for giving him attitude for not planning things out (though it was not my fault that i did not know). And he said me telling him i would pray for him really made him to think and he said he was really thankful about it.

    And then he told me that he was moving to the new city (which is 2-3 hours drive) tomorrow. And he told me he still wants to get to know me more, and he wants to go on a real date with me. Also he asked me if we were just friends (but all those things were what he said when we met second time at my place). And I told him i feel like i dont really know him much yet, and he said “then lets fix it”

    I lowkey “friendzoned” him because i was probably afraid, and didnt do anything physical though he tried to make out with me, because i was really disappointed last time because i thought we really clicked, including all the sweet things he said, but it did not turn into anything. I just felt even more careful this time. He told me all the sweet things like i shouldnt take uber now because im too pretty, and also dragged me to his arms saying i shouldnt go anywhere, and i should visit him to the new city, etc. He kissed me on my cheeks also.

    And he played the song on speaker that i played for him the second time we met, and his friends were like “oh i heard you played that song for him” and he seemed embarrassed telling his friends they are embarrassing me. It was surprising to me that he actually talked about me to his close friends, and he said it really was impressive to him. When he tried to make out again, he stopped and asked me again if we were just friends, but i didnt answer and diverted the topic saying i never had a close guy friend and I really want one, and he was like “…well i can be your close guy friend.”

    And somehow i made clear though we met online i do not want to hookup with him, and he said we already talked about this when we first met and he knows that. Also, while we were talking about our siblings, he asked me when i want kids and how many i want, which was really odd to me..

    Im just confused that if he really liked me as he claims to be, then he would have planned things out before. I do understand he was distracted because of his brother, but he still had enough time before. Also all the sweet things he said at this party i could not merely believe him, (since he said similar things second time we met) but i was still convincing because the party was actually with his close friends and he was introducing me to his brother, and did not seem like he was just trying to hookup with me, including all the serious topics we talked about.

    But at the same time it makes me question his intentions like why he did not tell me that he was moving to a different city until then, etc. if he took me seriously wouldnt he tell me earlier?

    Would time only tell? Maybe im just too inexperienced to decipher guys intentions and i really want to know what im supposed to do.
    I really like him, and i was worried if i friendzoned him that i texted a sweet text the next day with a heart. Its been few days since we havent talked and he moved to a new city, and i know he will visit home soon. if he was genuine he is supposed to talk to me and plan things out? should i see how he acts now? what should i do?

    #806935 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    https://dearwendy.com/topic/why-did-he-stop-talking-to-me/

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by avatar Kate.
    • This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by avatar Kate.
    #806957 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    He wants to hookup with you. That’s it. He’s moving three hours away.

    Just stop. Block him. Move on. Nothing he says means anything. He’s ignored you and never planned a date and is very clearly just trying to screw you.

    Stop putting any weight on what men say, unless you know them well. Pay attention to what they do.
    If he liked you, he would have taken you on a real date, or taken you to meet his grandma. HE DID NOT. That’s your answer. He didn’t tell you he was moving, hoping he’d have one last shot at banging you before he left.

    I don’t mean to sound jaded, but some guys that age are purely trolling for women to bang and then ignore. It’s a thing. The fact you find him confusing is part of it. He’s trying to cultivate mysteriousness and in reality it’s very simple. He wants sex.

    #806958 Reply
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    JD

    She already received a whole thread of replies. She just wants to hear something different.

    #806965 Reply

    Ugh stop wasting people’s time.

    #807019 Reply
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    ron

    He wanted to bang you before he left town. Likely he likes you as well as the other women he hooks up with and has zero interest in a relationship with anyone.

    #807031 Reply
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    Kaleymilli

    So basically its not that he doesnt like me but he like me but as well as other woneb, abd more like he wants to hookup than going on dates though he makes it sound like he wants to date?

    #807032 Reply
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    JD

    Maybe he thinks your obsessive like posting this repeatedly. Good lord stop. We already addressed this in your first post. If he wanted to date you he’d already be dating you. Stop being so desperate.

    #807035 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    He doesn’t like you enough to make real plans with you or tell you he’s moving.

    You were his last ditch attempt to have sex before he left town.

    He doesn’t like you much. He doesn’t respect or value your time, otherwise he would have made dates with you, or built a relationship. Or a friendship.

    When a man is really interested in you, he will make it clear. It won’t be confusing. There won’t be mixed messages or lots of empty promises and words. His actions will be in line with what he says.

    #807038 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    Did you read anything we posted in your last thread? At all? It doesn’t sound that way.

    You’re still overthinking. You’re still obsessively overanalyzing. Instead of actually talking to each other, you freak out and push him away and then obsess over it to strangers on the internet.

    I do think it’s possible that he’s interested, but he probably can’t figure out what the hell you’re thinking, or if you’re playing games with him.

    Let this one go. You’re clearly not compatible. Take a break from trying to date, and do consider seeing a therapist. You seem so nervous and anxious and defensive in your interactions with this guy, and with the idea of dating in general. A therapist can help you with that.

    #807056 Reply
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    Ellie

    They are different people. The last thread was about a German guy. This one is she is from france and he is american

    #807058 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yes they are the same person, and so are you. Nice try.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 5 days ago by avatar Kate.
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