Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Confused friendship

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by avatar anonymousse 1 month ago.

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  • #838669 Reply
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    HS

    My best friend has started seeing someone. Sadly i like him as more than a friend, but i met the girl. Im not very fond of her. I want to be happy for him but its not easy. Ive done soo much to help my friend and dont ask for anything in return. The last girlfriend he had i felt like i was placed on the side to make way for her. Im afraid itll happen again. This has been my best friend for years and im afraid if they get serious that im gonna be in the same position. I wanna be supportive but feel like i need to remove myself even if its selfish. Any advice?

    #838673 Reply
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    keyblade
    Member

    It’s very difficult to be a good friend to someone you are crushing hard on in high school. It’s perfectly fine to be selfish when choosing who you spend time around. Just start spending time going out with different people. Maybe when you start dating others and enough time has gone on your crush will cool off enough for you occasionally spend time with him, again.

    #838678 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    I think you’re in a position where you won’t be happy being his friend. Because you like him more than a friend, and he is interested in and dating others. You mention you help him a lot. What do you get out of this?

    Taking a step back from your friendship/crush isn’t selfish. It’s self preservation, maybe but not selfish.

    #838681 Reply
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    HS

    Well we are adults, but ive helped him financially when he was short on bills, helped him clean when his roommate wasnt helping. With my ex i did not have a good living environment, so to see my friend struggle and know ehat its like its in my nature to want to help. Its a long story about what ive done. Maybe thats why im afraid to take a step back.

    #838682 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    It sort of sounds like you’re being taken advantage of. At the very least, it doesn’t sound like this friendship makes you feel happy.

    #838684 Reply
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    HS

    I can see that. Hes helped me with stuff too by just talking, but i can see what you mean. Maybe its why i feel selfish if i step away. Should i just ignore him completely or i dont know. We havent talked in about a day, which is when i met his girlfriend and it wasnt a happy experience. Nothing bad, no negative words said. It was the feeling.

    #838685 Reply
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    keyblade
    Member

    Oops about assuming high school. I think I read your letter that way because I saw the HS. It does sound like you are being taken advantage of but it also sounds a bit like you’ve chosen to put time, money, and energy into this because you enjoyed spending time around him, but seeing him dating someone else has made you realize that he isn’t romantically interested in being with you. You don’t have to stay friends with him if it’s painful for you to do so.

    #838686 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    So, you have a crush on this guy, maybe even are in love with him. He doesn’t feel the same way, but you’re in a friendship with him, even though you want more, because at least you can hang out with him and hope maybe his feelings will change if you stick around long enough. You do a lot of favors for him, hoping that will make him love you. Or maybe you think he owes you his love because you’ve done so much for him.

    I’m sorry, but love doesn’t work that way. The only outcome here will be continued pain for you, as you’re reminded over and over again that he doesn’t love you.

    Separate yourself from this guy, and move on with your life.

    #838687 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    Essie nailed it.

    Did he borrow the money, or did you actually pay his bills a few times?

    I think you could do a slow fade or if you’re feeling brave, tell him the truth and let the chips fall as they may. Or just take a break, you don’t need to make an announcement.

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