Confused if we’re frenemies or something else????

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  • IDEK
    October 5, 2023 at 12:33 pm #1125859

    Im a high schl student who is going thru QUITE a dilemma rn. Theres this one guy in class who I’ve hated ever since i got to know him. He made me feel kinda bat atbt myself and bullied me all the time. Of course i didnt just buckle down and argued back so we both agreed we hated each other’s guts. Last year was really stressful for me due to his behaviour. This yr, i decided to put it all in the past and be friendly towards him (ngl, it took a sh!t ton of effort on my part). it did take time and some more quarrels, but we finally got to a point where we can stand each other. this yr has been mostly fun becuz of the time i get to spend w this guy.

    Here comes the weird part.

    For the past few weeks ive noticed him acting a little extra nice towards me which would have been fine if it werent for the staring and blushing. maybe im overthinking it but this is getting to me and im afraid I’ll be jumping down a rabbit hole if i begin to like this guy (note: i did have a crush on him when i first saw him because he seemed cute and even nice until he showed his tru colors). This has happened before and it didnt end well so im even beginning to think if this my pattern. Knowing him, this is either a cruel prank (he knew i crushed on him) or he will just go back to his old self once he is bored of me. Ik there are more important things to discuss than some Disney-style high school romance but help a gal out.

    Sry if this post was too long.

    Lots of luv:)

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    October 6, 2023 at 8:35 am #1125890

    I think the odds that this is an elaborate prank is pretty slim. Chances are you started to be nice to him and he developed a crush. I think your instincts are correct that he might become a jerk again once the big early crush feelings wear off.

    The bottom line is that you know he’s capable of making you feel bad about yourself. It’s good that you managed to bury the hatchet with him but you don’t owe him anything outside of that.

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    IDEK
    October 6, 2023 at 8:41 am #1125891

    Rlly? so i was just overthinking the prank thing? thx for ur opinion on this. I just need to ask one more thing.
    is there anyway where i can stop being so weird around him? i know full well that i dont like him because it goes against my self-worth but i cant stop being uncomfortable around this guy. maybe its the teenage thing acting up but i dont want to give him the wrong idea.

    Thx for helping me look at this situation clearly <3

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    LisforLeslie
    October 6, 2023 at 10:36 am #1125895

    I dated a guy once in highschool and I noticed how mean he could be to friends and then when we started having issues that shit turned on me.

    Well it’s weird – you’ve said how his behavior has changed. So call him out: “Dude, why are you staring? Do I have a booger?” or “You being so nice is creeping me out. What’s going on?”

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    IDEK
    October 6, 2023 at 11:57 am #1125896

    Hey. Thx for the tips on how to deal w this weird situation. I did try saying what u just said and he usually just laughs it off or says “You dont like it when im mean, you dont like it when im nice… *sigh*”.
    Update by the way, today he just randomly asked if i had a bf knowing i ofc did not have one.
    I think im just gonna wait it out to see if he ever proposes or if its just some small spark he felt. if he does ask me out or something im just gonna explain nicely wut i felt abt last yr and tell him its not gonna work out. But until then im not gonna assume anything.
    Also, sry to hear u had to deal w a jerk in high schl as well.

    i liked both of ur advices tho and i rlly appreciate it. Lets see how it goes:)

    Lots of luv

    Reply
    Anonymousse
    October 6, 2023 at 1:46 pm #1125898

    You said you saw his “tru” colors and you’re worried he’ll get bored of you. I’d be cautious if he’s been cruel to you before. Otherwise, don’t overthink high school romances so much and just try to have fun and be safe. Make sure you’re feeling good and having fun, not just him.

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    October 6, 2023 at 2:44 pm #1125899

    Hi! It sounds like you do like him and have a crush on him despite what you are saying. (It’s okay if you do.) And it sounds like he has a crush on you, too. But if you think you’ve seen his true colors and he is a bully likely to lose interest in you, probably best to steer clear. If you decide to date, that’s okay — like @Anonymousse said, make sure you’re having fun and checking in with yourself about how he’s actually behaving and treating you.

    Also, beware of what Disney and romcoms tell you love should look like. What’s fun to watch as a movie — the dramatic breakup before getting back together, the getting a man to change for you or changing yourself to be what a man wants, the settling for a man who sucks — is not something you should be trying to replicate IRL. I could write pages about why Noah from The Notebook — a movie that came out when I was in HS that so many of my gal pals thought showed the ULTIMATE love story — sucks.

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    October 6, 2023 at 6:27 pm #1125904

    The main reason that I don’t think he’s pretending to like you just as a prank or something is….that’s not something that people do, generally speaking. It’s just more elaborate than what the average teenage boy is going to do.

    As for your second question “is there anyway where i can stop being so weird around him?”, well, no. But you can gain a better understanding of what it is that is causing you to act weird. Basically, when we act “weird” or in a way that we find embarrassing or not how we want ourselves to behave, usually there’s a triggering even where something has played out in a way that’s unexpected, and we weren’t prepared for how to react. In this instance, your previously expected him to act one way to you, and now he’s acting a different weird. Unexpected behavior from him leads to unexpected behavior from you.

    One other thing to keep in mind: no one thinks your as weird as you do. No one is watching us constantly or aware of all of our own weird little quirks except ourselves. So cut yourself some slack.

    Reply
    IDEK
    October 7, 2023 at 9:02 am #1125905

    Hey guys. Thank u so much for all these valuable advices. I totally understand wut all of u r trying to say despite each of them being a different take on this situation.

    @Copa i dont think its a crush exactly as a crush would involve actual feelings of interest. Idk wut to call it, i guess its more of me being uncomfortable because of how he looks (yes its wrong but i guess most girls my age r like this, including me) But wut u said in the end was so very true. Hs rlly isnt wut it is depicted in these films.

    @bloodymediocrity
    u r prolly right about the him being unusual = me feeling unusual. Ive seen his gfs and they r rlly different from me so i didnt expect him to hit on me so plainly. Also, this is the reason i feared the whole thing is a prank. And as u said in ur earlier comment, he was on the fence today abt this thing (i could see he was getting bored of this and he was starting to fat-shame me again). So i didn’t fight him/argue w him for this. I just tried my best to ignore his words and that somehow seemed to do the trick.


    @Anonymousse
    i luved this advice. it reminded me that even if this guy’s feelings are genuine or not, i cant comrpomise my time/mindset for him.

    Overall, i can think a lot more clearly about this thing after reading ur responses. Thank u so much for helping me figure this out. Im going to try to deal w this on my own now that i hv all your advices. If i feel that things took a wrong turn, ill make sure to post here.

    Tysm <3

    Reply
    October 8, 2023 at 6:55 am #1125982

    Oh. He fat-shamed you. Ok, no. Run. This isn’t a situation where, like, the two “frenemies” start to like each other and it turns romantic. This is like, you need to distance yourself from this guy now, because he’s only going to hurt you. It’s enough that you think he *might* be playing a cruel prank. It’s enough that he bullied you and made you feel bad about yourself. Just no. But the fat shaming, that’s really insidious. Hold on, I’m going to submit before the page refreshes.

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    October 8, 2023 at 7:00 am #1125983

    So this is the thing. Guys like this, they can’t be with a bigger girl, publicly. They are too insecure. They might actually like and be attracted to someone bigger, but because it makes them feel bad about themselves, they’ll make YOU feel bad about yourself. Ad nauseum, rinse and repeat. At best you’ll be a dirty secret. At worst he’ll just be openly cruel.

    Don’t go back to being enemies with him, don’t be friends either, don’t confront him or make a big statement, just back away. Stop engaging. Fade. Guys like this are horrible for you. You shouldn’t have to work so hard to get respect and affection. Focus on people who are not jerks to you. People who are just nice.

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    LisforLeslie
    October 9, 2023 at 6:30 am #1126046

    If he’s making fun of your weight – that’s never going to go away. You will always have the “despite” hanging over your head: I love you despite the fact that you’re heavier than other girls I date.

    This sets up that he’s the prize, and you’re expected to be grateful for his attention. Fuck that noise.

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Confused if we’re frenemies or something else????

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